Transcript
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It's Idiot Wind!
Welcome to Idiot Wind, the panel show podcast made for idiots by idiots. So, with both the listenership and the panellists alienated and insulted, I think it's time we've met tonight's performers. On my left, we have the lovely Karn Johnson!
Karn, how the hell are you, mate? Yeah, not bad. Yeah, what's been going on? Oh, so much. I am quite excited, actually. They've just announced Baby Metal will be playing at Download this year. But who doesn't love screaming Japanese metalers dressed as cool children? And that's weird for us weirdos. And joining him tonight is the lovely Steve Keyworth! Hello!
Mr. Steve. Hello. Hello. What's going on? Ah, a cliff nearly fell on me at the weekend. Yeah, I saw a photo on Facebook of that. Yeah, it was really close. How near was it? I wasn't sure if you had, like, it had actually been very, very close to you, or you'd walked back and filmed it to try and get some attention on social media. Well, I did run away from it, to be fair, and then I went back, and I had to do a, you know, an Instagram picture. How near was it? It was, I had little, little stones around my feet. It was very close. I did a, I had to grab my child and, and run slightly. Did you look up and see who'd been kicking it down at you? No, no, he got away. Yeah. Can I just clarify, was it a cliff or cliff?
Cliff Richard? Yeah, did Cliff Richard almost fall on? Well, I, the, uh, legally I cannot implicate Cliff in this. He's very litigious. Yeah, he is, he is. And on my right, it's Mark Wommersley. Hello. Hello, Mark. Hello. If that is your real name. No, it's not. What is your real name? Um, it's Cliff.
What's the most exciting thing that's happened to you this week? Well, um, I've, um, acquired a grandson. Have you? Yes. Congratulations. Hang on a second, did you steal it? Uh, yes, I did steal it. Okay. Um, no. And joining him, we have Susannity Jones. Woo! Suze, if I may call you Suze. I grant you permission. Thank you. So, may I call you Ian? Yeah, go on. I don't want to. I'm not forcing you. Suze, how are you? I'm very well, thank you. Tell us your thoughts, all of them. My thoughts, okay, well, wouldn't England be better if all the penguins from the Antarctic
were shipped over, like, one by one in individual flight planes? Like, maybe by the red arrows? Because then they could draw a smoke trail shaped like a penguin.
Carl and Steve, do you have a team name? Oh, we do. We are the Home Alone 2. Oh. Would you like to explain your thinking? Steve? I have never seen any of the Home Alone films and we're going to have a marathon. Both of them? Rather than watch the films. Are there any more than two? I think there are about seven. Four. Did they really milk it? Like, Police Academy, the Home Alone mission to Moscow. I think he's still doing them, but nobody's filming it. All right, lovely stuff. And this side, do you two have a team name? We are the Slightly Dim Clarinets. Mm-hmm. Oh, that's, I mean, you both look slightly like a piece of woodwind, but I wouldn't say that you're dim. Well, we thought that the Slightly Dim Clarinets would be in the Idiot Wind section of the Idiot Orchester.
Yes, I love it, on message. Well, that's everybody that Matt has introduced. Let's just briefly say hello to Matthew as well. Matthew, are you all right over there? Um, not really. Ladies and gentlemen, it's Matthew. Yay! All right, all right, all right. We had better get things underway with a lovely little number we like to call Round 1.
Sort it out. Yeah, Round 1 is indeed called Sort It Out. I will provide the panel with some kind of problem or procedure. Oh, it's sounding exciting already. And we'll see if they can indeed sort it out. All right, panel, are you ready? No. You should see them. Yes. No. I can't even tell if they're fucking awake. All right, let's go. Your question is, and this is for all of you, what is the pre-stunt health and safety checklist for a professional stuntman on a film production? Well, the most important one, you have to double check that Harvey Weinstein is safely locked away. And if you want to be extra safe, obviously you make sure Kevin Spacey is in a separate cupboard.
You need to check if you're actually doubling for Tom Cruise, because if that's the case, you have to have a section of your legs actually taken out for the period of the filming. Because you'd be too tall, wouldn't you? So you have a section of your legs taken out and they're replaced when the film's finished? Yeah, they do. They actually take from below the knee and above the ankle. The shin, I think they technically call it. I think it's very important for stuntmen to check their shoelaces and make sure they're tied tightly. Or maybe they've got Velcro shoes. Do you think Velcro shoes are something that stuntmen have or children, Steve? Both. I'm just looking down at Steve's feet. I'm worried that I've insulted him. They are laces and they are undone because I am not a stuntman.
Banana skins are also, you've got to look out for those. I think you're thinking of cartoon characters. I am, yeah. Because I was thinking as well, whenever the Wile E. Coyote gets strapped to a bomb, he has to write his last will and testament. So I think that's what the stuntmen are doing just before, every time. Did we ever find out who the stuntman was who did Wile E. Coyote's stunts? I think it was Cliff Richard. Oh.
The other very important one, of course, is you have to make sure you've packed a spare pair of clean underwear. You're going to soil those bad boys pretty much within five minutes. Extra safety brown ones. Yes. Yeah, that way no one knows and you look brave. Nobody knows what's going on in those.
Suze. I would say you would have to check that you were suitably bouncy.
And if you weren't, you'd need to attach some sort of bouncing aid to yourself. Like, I don't know, leg pillows. What about if you don't land on your legs? Well, then you'd need non-leg pillows, wouldn't you? I love that that's the two divisions of pillows. I'd like to buy some pillows, please. Oh, would there be leg or non-leg? How do you test if you're bouncy? Well, you bounce. Just a little bit on the spot. And if you're not feeling enough give in the ground, then you think, aha, it's time for the leg pillows. So we have leg pillows. We have Steve's theory of life based on cartoon characters. I think we've heard quite enough. Let's go to Matthew and see if anyone actually scored any points there. There were quite a few points, actually. Oh, points, people.
For Khan's rather topical, satirical look at Hollywood. It's identify all the hazards, is correct.
And both Susanna and Steve get points for taking health and safety very seriously, be that tying your shoelaces or wearing leg pillows. So, in total, we've got three points to Home Alone 2 and one to the slightly dim clarinets.
All right. Good stuff, team. I would employ any of you as my stunt safety supervisors any day. Right. I think we've done round one. I think the logical thing now is to head on to round two. Lost in translation.
Yes. Round two is lost in translation. I am going to read out some nonsense here, which has been mistranslated, not translated in the way that the originators of the translation were hoping for. Everybody grab your buzzers, because this one's on the buzzers. And we'll see if you can work out what is going on here. What did Jimmy Carter tell the nation of Poland through his subsequently sacked interpreter on a visit in 1977? He'd wanted to say that it had a good trip from America. Marco. This is some good shit I've had here. No. Khan. That wasn't a sausage. No. He said that he has left America and will never return.
1B. What did he go on to say instead of I love Poland? Khan. I hate Poland. No. Steve. I don't mind Poland. No. Mark. I love pole dancing. No. Khan. I love pole dark. No. He, in fact, said he wanted to grab the genitals of the Polish. Oh, he can't. OK. Question two. When American t-shirt manufacturer Miami made t-shirts for the Pope's visit to Spain, what did they print on them instead of I saw the Pope? Steve. I shot the Pope? No. The Pope is an eyesore. No.
Marco. Condoms rule.
No. Khan. The Pope loves Scientology. No. They said, I saw the potato.
Clara released a curling iron into the German market called the mist stick, but unbeknownst to them, what does the word mist mean in German? Khan. You burnt someone. No. Steve. Fart. No. Close, though. Half a point, Steve. Khan. Farts. No. It means, Mark. Anal. No. It means manure. No. What did the jolly green giant become in the Arabic language markets? Khan. That tall bastard.
No. Steve. Massive green infidel. No.
The Incredible Hulk. No, it was, but I will give you a half a point. Yes. Because it was, in fact, intimidating green monster. Ho, ho, ho. Intimidating green monster.
General Electric once attempted to release its new partnership brand in Europe under the name GPT, but what new meaning did the French pronunciation of the acronym have? Keebie-jeebie, someone's weed in my tea. Is correct. Of course it's not. I'm still trying to understand the question. Yeah, right. General Electric once attempted to release its new partnership brand in Europe under the name GPT, the three letters, but what is GPT? I farted. Yes! So much fun, guys!
Gentlemen, that was incredibly well done. No one in that round ever gets anything right. Peter is I, and Peter is Fart. Oh, there we go, there we go. Oh, he knows French. If you work it out.
That is going to help you there, isn't it? That's cheating. He knows toilet humor. Oh, dear toilet. And a final question in this round. What did JFK think the Polish Minister of Foreign Affairs, Joseph Lunds, said he wanted to do to horses? Khan. Fondle them. No. Mark. Shoot them. No.
Tasty burger. No.
Cuddle them. I'll give you half a point. He thought that he said he wanted to fuck them. He did say that. Fuck means breed in Dutch. And when JFK said pardon, he replied, yes, as pardon means horse in Dutch.
So that brings us to the end of round two. And let's go over to Matthew for the scores. We still have Home Alone 2 in the lead with five and a half points. But the slightly dim clarinets are close with only four. Woo!
Yeah. How exciting is this? Not very. That wasn't a rhetorical question. And I've answered it. On to round three.
Local live. Round three is local live. Here I will give each team a clue to a news story from the world of local news. But not local to here. Which means that all news could qualify, really. Because all news is local somewhere. So the whole concept is a bleeding and nonsense, really. It's as if someone's just thrown this quiz together with very little care or attention to detail, quite frankly. A question for Khan and Steve. What has been seen more times this year than for the last 100 years? I think it's episodes of Dad's Army.
It's reached a critical mass. You cannot not watch them now. It's compulsory. You're close with television, but it is actually Debbie McGee's legs.
How many has she got? Seven. Fucking hell. That's why she's doing some Wendell's trickling. Yeah, that should be cheating. She should at least have some leg pillows to slow her down. Oh, okay. Any thoughts over here? Is it not 1917 centenary celebrations?
I think that's worth a quarter of a point. Don't do quarters. I think that's worth no points.
Suze, any thoughts? People born recently.
I mean, you can't tell me it's wrong. I can and I will. It's my quiz. Is it possibly, given the ongoing colour of famous people, the RIP hashtag?
No. Is it, I think it's Northerners migrating or the Northern Lights, possibly? Northerners or the Northern Lights? Are they not the same thing? No. Wow. Do you get the Northern Lights in Norfolk? Some of the Northerners are very colourful. My mother saw the Northern Lights in Norfolk, but she was also on LSD at the time, so I'm not sure. The answer was, in fact, the Loch Ness Monster. Let me say that again, because I did a weird thing with my throat. The answer was, in fact... The answer was, in fact, the Loch Ness Monster. Oh. Ooh. Diana Tanner from Michigan recorded a sighting after spotting the Loch Ness Monster on the official Loch Ness webcam.
As officials reveal, the number of sightings this year is the most we have had this century. Mr. Campbell-A-Chard, the accountant from Inverness, said 2017 was a fantastic year for Nessie sightings, going on to state, anything that is later proved to be a hoax or can be subsequently explained is removed from the register. Well, that's a completely fucking empty register then.
Doesn't it mean there's just more idiots visiting Scotland than any other time in the last hundred years? I thought that that was a constant. I thought idiots had been visiting Scotland for years. Well, to be fair, they were called the English and they were invading.
But can I just say, I've been catching up with the Loch on ITV. Okay, I don't know. It's the Scottish version of Broadchurch. Is it like through the keyhole? Not quite, but kind of. It's a murder mystery thing, like Broadchurch, but set around Loch Ness. And it actually turns out, spoiler alert, that it's not the Loch Ness Monster as a dead body. Oh. Oh, well, that's that mystery solved. I will phone Diana Turner after this and let her know. Mark and Susanna, your question is, What can visitors to Haesedang Park near the coastal village of Sinan in South Korea see more than 300 statues of? Is it toes? It's not, but a third of a point.
Is it actually statues of themselves? Because they've got a high-speed 3D printer and as they walk through the entrance, it does a 3D photograph of them and by the time they get into the big statue space, they're there. I love this. What kind of narcissist would go to a theme park that's populated by themselves? Me. You, okay.
Donald Trump. Mark and Donald Trump. Oh, wow, what a theme park that's going to be. Can we have them on the quiz next time? One of them's here now, but you want the other one? I want the other one. The two team captains. Yeah, I want, yeah. What, Mark? Mark and Trump. Well, he can do both of those things. I can, yeah.
Sometimes he chumps and it leaves a mark.
I'll probably take the joke out but keep the laugh.
Anything else? Is it the creator of Samsung in 300 different meditative poses? But the last one, there's like fireworks coming out of it.
No. Is it, if you get a third of a point for toes, is it the foot and the ankle? No, keep going. I actually know this one. Can I have a go? Steve can have a go. You hold your horses, Suzanne. I think it's 300 statues of Kim Jong-il with a penis on his head because he could probably see this village from his house. Half a point to Steve. Half a point to Steve. Suzanne, do you want to, Steve's like lobbed it up there. Do you want to knock it into the back of the net? Is it 300 phalluses? It is, 300 phalluses. Why do I even know this? Hooray for phalluses. Woo! I know what Khan's going to ask. A point of order. A burning question.
How are toes even remotely similar? What do your toes look like? I can draw you a diagram. I'll spend some time with me later. You'll find out. I just, because it's a body part, you know. I'm trying to be generous, you know. I'll help you guys along and I'll just get criticism for it. Minus two points to Khan.
Plus Chris was watching Edward Penis Toes before.
Edward Penis Toes 4, Mission to Moscow. Yes.
The phallic statues are dedicated to the memory of a virgin bride-to-be who was left on a rock by her fisherman fiance when he went off to work. When a storm came in, she is said to have drowned and ever since her spirit can only be pleased by the sight of male genitalia. I feel like that sometimes as well. Thank God for Snapchat.
The sculpted sex organs come in all shapes and sizes, from dreamcatchers to a six-foot penis cannon that rises and falls throughout the day. The park is now thought to be home to the largest collection of penises in the world and is known for its breathtaking views of the surrounding landscape. Yeah, known for that and the 300 penises.
Okay, it's time. That's round three. It's time for... Oh, it's time to go over to Matthew and see what the scores are. Great. Almost forgot you there. Sorry, fella. Ask us, you're all in the dark. Some nits you're lying in.
For the purpose of the internet, I am in the dark. For the purpose of the internet, you're offered in the dark. With the curtains drawn.
After that round and Chris's rather generous half and thirds and quarters, which I duly ignored, it's six points all.
Let's go on to round four.
Squeegee board. That's right. Round four is squeegee board. As we all know, ghosts definitely exist. The robust scientific method coupled with everybody in the world having a camera on them at all times for the last 10 years has proved that without doubt, ghosts definitely exist. You might be familiar with the Ouija board, the recognised method of contacting the dead, but the trouble with that is you don't know who you're going to get. What if you want a specific demographic, for instance, window cleaners? Well, in that particular scenario, that is where the squeegee board really comes into its own. In fact, it's the only situation in which it's remotely useful. In front of us, we have a mystic pane of glass specially prepared by Matthew using a 12th century incantation which must remain secret.
But all I can say is that he had a haunted look on his face afterwards and he had to seek first aid for an ear and his third, fourth and fifth nipples. The panellists have each brought along a squeegee of their choosing and we'll take it in turns to clean the mystic smear from the pane of glass and we'll see if any window cleaners from the other side come through to award points. Steve, would you like to start us off? What squeegee have you gone for? I will be using my BG squeegee. Right. Well, I would encourage you to approach the mystic pane of glass and clean the smear.
OK, we're now going to just let the mystic energy settle. We're in a 12th century undercroft which is perfect for this. See if anybody gets the energies and we'll window clean. Oh, I think Hans is starting to get into a trance state. No, no, it's alright. I just sat on me hand. Oh, for fuck's sake, Hans.
Is it Tuesday? Oh, Susanna's got a bite.
Because I told her it wasn't going to start and she said, have you tried eating it before putting the key in? Beans, beans, beans, beans, beans.
Wendy, Wendy, they always say Wendy. Oh, I think we've got a Wendy. Does anybody know Wendy? Does Wendy mean anything to her? I used to have a barber called Bendy. You had a barber called Bendy? Yeah. No one's called Bendy. Well, apart from my barber. Was that his real name? It was a her, actually, and I don't know. We were never that close. Is it like a foreign name? Yeah, I believe so. Where is she from? Hull.
You're an idiot. Anyway, not meaning to be harsh, but you don't have a massive need for a barber these days, do you?
I can't, I can't see anything. It's definitely Matt's barber then. I just come down the alley to do the side windows and me ladder got caught on something weird. Oh, what was it? A toy. A children's toy. My little Pony? My little Pony? My little Pony? My little Eyes couldn't believe what they were saying. It was a dream Catcher? Cast. A Sega Dreamcast. Oh. Oh, oh, Susanna's back. Where am I? It's okay, you're in an undercroft. When are we starting the podcast? Where's my ladder? Okay, and while we wait for Wendy to fully leave Susanna... Who's Wendy?
We'll go over to Matthew for the scores. What, points? Or from that?
How am I supposed to provide points for that? I mean, you could say that none of this is worth anything! Okay, thanks, Matthew. Right, right, who stands it next? Mark, what squeegee have you gone for? I've gone for a vinegar and broadsheet newspaper-infused squeegee. Well, make your way towards the mystic pain and squeegee away, old boy.
Mrs. Wiggum. Mrs. Wiggum. Mrs. Wiggum. Oh, sorry Mrs. Jones wrong house.
machines live longer with Calgon. He's just tuning in, don't be scared. Insert credit, insert credit to activate washbox 4000. Oh god, I think we've got a window cleaner spirit from the future. Does anyone have any credits? No, fresh out of credits, funnily enough. I've got a credit card, will that work? Chuck it here, let's give it a go.
Checking credit. Old currency detected. Adjusting for inflation. Charging £9000 to credit card. Don't worry, it won't authorise. Payment authorised. Select one for above ground window wash, two for subterranean window wash,
three for full biosphere clean, four for geosodic laser cleansing, four for geodesic laser cleansing. To hear these options again, tweak my anthropomorphic nose. Ha, we choose five. Enabling assimilation mode, locking onto brains, assimilation starts in five, four. Quick Matthew, play the neural inhibitor sound pattern to snap him out of it. The what? You know, the safety sound to bring people back in an emergency.
Three. And you gave this to me? Yes. Two. Quick, it's in the folder on the desktop. Oh, is it the one called Mega Bumbash 6? No, no, no, no, not that one. I don't know anything about that. Somebody else borrowed my laptop earlier. Wham. He's looking at me. Moshbot, I have no beef with you. Take Khan first. His brain is so much bigger than mine. Oh, yeah. Thanks, Suge, you cowardly little. Why? It's a compliment. Hang on, I think I've got it.
Well, I don't think anyone really gained points there, but I'm just going to give us all some points for surviving. Thanks. Oh, God, it's just good to be alive. It's time for round five. Let's suppose that you're writing a really important email to a colleague. Nah, fuck that. It's Ted Talks Bollocks. Yeah, round five is called Ted Talks Bollocks. Each of our panellists are now going to give a 30-second talk about his subject. Some of them you already know about the subject. Some of them have had some preparation time, and some of them haven't, and we don't know which is which. They're both going to talk as if they have had the preparation time, but one of them has had the preparation time, the other one hasn't had the preparation time, and the other team have to guess who's had the preparation time and who hasn't had the preparation time.
Well, that's the rules explained, so we're going to move straight on to first going tonight. Khan and Steve, seated to my left over here, and for those listening, my left, I'm holding up my left hand now.
It's Khan. Could you just explain the rules again? No, but download the podcast and just rewind it 30 seconds. Khan is now going to talk for 30 seconds on the subject of Shrove Tuesday. Khan is going to talk about Shrove Tuesday for 30 seconds. Matthew, have you got a timing device and a bell? Yes. All right, Khan, Shrove Tuesday, your 30 seconds start now. Shrove Tuesday is, of course, the day before Ash Wednesday, and it's the day when, in this country, we decide to take everything out of the cupboards, chuck it into a pan, and we call them pancakes. It is, in some cultures, such as ours, called Pancake Tuesday rather than Shrove Tuesday, because no one knows what a shrove is, but we all know what a pancake is.
In other cultures, it is actually occasionally known as Mardi Gras, because they don't have to have a real party, which doesn't involve just a flap thing getting cold very quickly with ice cream on top. Thank you, Khan, for your lovely talk about Shrove Tuesday. All right, that is talk number one. We're now going to move on to Steve. Steve is now going to talk for 30 seconds on the subject of Black Friday. He's going to talk for 30 seconds and give a little mini TED talk, if you will, on the subject of Black Friday. Black Friday is Steve's subject, and if Matthew is ready, then Steve's time starts now. Black Friday comes in the third week of November. It's largely an American custom, and it seems to be a way of, I think it's linked to payday
in some way, and it's a way of just selling us things, although prices tend to go up the week before and then come down to what they usually were on Black Friday. And following Black Friday, we also have Cyber Monday, which is the robot version of Black Friday. Let's hear it for Steve! A lovely boy! All right, Mark and Susanna. Which one of these two lovely boys do you think was talking bollocks? I think it was probably Kahn. What do you think? Kahn sounded more polished, which, if we're crediting them with cunning, would mean that he was making it up as he went along. That's what I thought. I thought he was winging it, actually, yes.
So you're going for Kahn? Yes. Kahn, were you talking bollocks? Tragically, on this occasion, no. No! Steve was talking bollocks and has fooled the panel! Nice work, Steve. Good stuff. All right, we are now going to reverse the polarity on this round. Sus and Mark, it's now your go. Mark's going to start us off, and Mark is going to talk for 30 seconds on the subject of clouds. Clouds? Those things in the sky? Or, you know, maybe they're in other places as well. We're about to find out, aren't we? Because Mark is going to give us a TED Talk on the subject of clouds. And his 30 seconds start now. Clouds, as we all know, exist mainly in the sky.
They are formed of water droplets that are caused by humidity. And that's why you get more in countries where there is obviously more rain and more water. In the drier countries and where there are deserts, you don't get as many clouds because there isn't the humidity for them to form. We get all different shapes of clouds. There's many names, and they all do different things. Lovely talk on clouds. Thank you, Mark. Oh, yes. We like a lot about clouds. Right. Sus is up next. Sus is going to give us a 30-second talk on the subject of clowns. Clowns is Sus's subject. And she's going to talk about that if Matthew is ready. I think he is.
And your 30 seconds, Sus, starts now. Clowns have existed in cultures all over the world, as can be seen in the fact that we have clowns in English. In France, you have clowns. In Norway, you have clunes. And in Romania, you have clowns, but in Romanian.
The World Clown Organization. Oh, I love it.
We're about to hear about the World Clown Organization. Sadly, we didn't have time. Carl and Steve. I was completely convinced that Sus was prepared until she started speaking.
I think Sus blew her cover a little bit because you're not actually allowed to talk about the World Clown Organization. But, you see, what you have to remember is Mark went into great scientific detail with the naming of the clouds. They were called clouds and other things. Yeah. He said droplets. Sus mentioned, like, lots of different types of clans. Like, French clans, Romanian clans, Norwegian clans. I think Mark sounded more... You reckon Mark? I think Mark's not bullshitting, I think. So you think the bullshitter is Sus? I'm going to go along with that. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Sus, were you talking bollocks? No, I actually Googled all this this morning. No!
The French word for clown is clown but in a stupid French accent. There we go. There we go. Let's hear it for Sue. She beat the panel.
Yeah. There we go. Both people beat the panel in that round, rendering the time and effort we've spent here completely pointless.
Good. Oh, right. That was the penultimate round of the show. Let's move on to the last round, which is... Questions. Okay. Round six is questions. I'm going to ask questions. They're going to answer them. It's the exciting finale. Matt, what are the scores, mate? Nobody has any points for being here but the quiz with itself has seven each. Seven, eight. Oh, exciting going into the last round. All right. Round six is questions. Question one. How many escalators are there in the state of Wyoming? Khan. 17. No. 96. No. Steve. A million. No. None. No, there are two. Who is this?
I can't smoke pot because the moment I smoke pot I'm just like... Khan. Robin Williams. Yes. In Disneyland, what year is the futuristic Tomorrowland set? Tomorrow.
Which year? Suze. 2000. No. Mark. 2020. No, it's 1986.
I thought that was quite interesting. The audience don't give a shit. I liked it. Thank you. Point to Suze. I didn't. I liked it. Point away from Mark. That's the same team. I liked it. Point to whoever that was. Right. Good. Shut up. Voices in my head. Shut up. Doing a quiz. What is this song?
Khan. The Romanian National Anthem. No. Mark. Backwards. No.
ABBA backwards. We should have a point for that. That was gold.
Minus one point for Steve grobbling for a point.
It was in fact nothing's going to stop us now by Starship. Why does it always rain on me? Khan. Because you haven't got an umbrella.
Is it because you lied when you were 17? Mark. Is it because you didn't listen closely enough to my clouds talk?
I was there for every long fucking second.
Suze. Is it because you live in Milton Keynes? Always rains there. Points for everyone there. I guess that's no points, isn't it? It's the same thing. What was the special feature of the 1970s Mattel children's doll growing up skipper? Khan. They could skip. No.
Mark. It was a kangaroo. No. Steve. It was a seabird. No. Suze. It like became awkward and developed spots after you owned it for a certain period of time. No. In fact. Khan. It wet itself. No. It's breast screw when you rotated its arms. Who had... I wish I could do that.
Who had an article published called Why I Hate My Uncle? Suze. William v. Smog. No. No. Steve. Donald Trump's nephew. No. But close. It was in fact Hitler's nephew. Who is this? Fuck this. Used to be a Shakespearean actor. All right. Marco. Patrick Stewart. No. Gentle Ben. No. Any more guesses? Khan. Little East Hobo. No. Matthew, who was it? It was Pingu. Of course. The final question of the whole entire quiz. What film was the final rental in the US before rental company Blockbuster went out of business? Khan. Edward Penis Toes.
No. Mark. The video killed the radio star. No, that was the first video on MTV. Steve. Titanic. No. Mark. Police Academy 12. No, no, no, no. It was in fact This Is The End. And how appropriate because this is also the end of the quiz and I've just probably given Khan a paper cut. Matthew, could we trouble you for the final scores, old boy? Well, I think it was fate because Home Alone 2 never wins anything. The Slightly Dim Clarinets win by half a point. Oh, let's hear it for the Slightly Dim Clarinets!
Well done, Slightly Dim Clarinets, you will go through to the next round, which of course doesn't exist. Thank you all for listening and being here, if indeed you did either of those two things. Thank you to our performers. Let's hear it for the very talented Susannah T. Jones.
For Mark Wormersley.
For John Johnson.
For Steve Hayward.
And I suppose Matthew Hayward.
Thank you for listening. I've been Chris Reid. See you next time!
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