Transcript
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welcome welcome welcome welcome welcome to idiot wind the panel show podcast made by idiots for idiots and i am delighted to be joined by four particularly splendid idiots tonight in the red corner the corners have no colors i don't know why i said that sitting over there it's uh it's only john newing isn't it hello john hi chris how are you doing man i am very happy
you've been drafted in a late um hour here thank you for making yourself available no well that is true i mean i i cancelled someone's wedding for this did you delightful susanna t jones susanna how are you doing hello i i am doing delightfully yeah that happens you look delightful you seem delightful your aura if i may say is delightful thank you i'm glad the fiver i gave you was put to good use how have you what have you um done to your aura have you given it a polish or has it had a hair yeah i gave it a little bit of a buff with some aura wax and then i finished it off with a shammy leather but you know a spiritual shammy leather yeah nice good work love to have you back
um returning you sit for you haven't been on for a while have you i can't remember which episode you were on oh i think it was a whole series ago it was an entire series ago well it's lovely to have you back here tonight and you two are one of our teams tonight do you have a team name per chance we are the follicle oracles the follicle oracles yes because we both have hair and we're very wise yeah nice i mean you both definitely do have hair i can see it 50 percent of the time we can predict the answer to a yes no question okay is that true yes yes that that is the right answer that's amazing there we are so the follicle oracles do you have a mascot we do let me allow you to meet
oh my word festive hog oh man were you expecting to be on the christmas show no we just my housemate got him at christmas on a whim for for viewers at home it's a small pig in a christmas hat he looks angry he looks terrifying looks like he's he's a pissed off christmas pig i like to think he's just amazed at the beauty of the world let's meet your opponents tonight your opponents are danny o'hara hello hello how are you i'm good thank you very much looking well thank you looking summery yes have you got world cup fever i have got a fever um yes and there is the world cup it's coincidentally
yes also the world cup yeah right well i am enjoying the world cup though i must admit yeah what's been your highlight um oh i like all the refs sitting in the little room with their strip on yes that is good once you've pointed that out it is quite i don't mean they're doing a strip tease i don't mean they've got their strip on oh that's not why it's going oh that's not like magic mike has his strip on right can you have your strip on i'm not sure i feel like you might be falling into territory that one should not be in i am loving it is there a difference between like having your strip on and getting your strip on i'm gonna get my strip on which would mean taking your clothes off right if you've got your strip on you take your clothes off can i suggest that nobody gets their strip on in the next couple of hours ah it is very hot in here and i was wondering whether it
was one of those you know there was a new element of the game like um heat goes on each round endurance clothes come off hot box hot box quiz excellent like hot yoga like hot yoga we'll be sweating but we'll be hot by the end of it yeah joining you is the delightful um person the the delightful person the one delightful person in all of creation uh making his idiot wind debut tonight it's patrick widdess hello patrick what's an introduction thank you chris that was like a half whoop and half yawn yeah i went in and say whoo and then i was yawning and it came out halfway through you got bored of the concept of patrick well i was like come on he's brilliant enough get on with it yeah well she's she's shat all over your introduction patrick but it was well-intentioned by me how are you
yeah i'm good thanks yeah what's your favorite cheese uh stilton yes you're my kind of man people often say i don't like cheese which is weird or they say mild cheddar i was introduced to stilton at an early age yeah how early are we talking two or three right yeah pretty much one of the first solid foods i had you know why that was don't you patrick's because parents love to have a good laugh so they were giving you it and going look at his face everyone's in the face like when you give a kid a lemon yeah or when people don't know about my mind they think it's chocolate fortunately i didn't know at that time all the blue stuff was mold so i mean it's best not think about it yeah how old was the cheese do you know i mean was the cheese older than you when you introduced introduced the cheese uh quite possibly yeah well there we go
there's probably some cheeses still uh even older than patrick is now right i don't know how does cheese work yes is the answer to your question i think good all right so you two do you have a team name oh yeah good uh would you like to share it with the rest of us yes patrick one two three off you go that's no way to leave the kitchen whoa with a point at me was that directed towards me well no i was actually i was doing one of those yay oh i see but it did land to you and i would like to highlight that okay well then i'd very much like to take this opportunity to apologize for the way that i left your kitchen patrick it was oh it's you yeah i've been breaking into
your house at night making myself toast and then smearing pate on the walls when you first said it i thought you were talking about just the way in which you exit the kitchen i thought dancing out inappropriately was it through the window and it kept making a mess well it's exiting the kitchen before you've cleared up your mess which is not the way to leave so it's both things actually isn't it it's both combined into one so not you weren't thinking that they were exiting without their jazz hands in place or something yeah something like that i thought maybe your house just had very strict rules on like the set of motions you had to go through as you passed through the threshold
i hope it does if you don't then please please implement some immediately do you have a mascot yes we do what is your mascot we have a homemade pinata which we have made ourselves i can see through the paper from which uh was left over at patrick's work yeah some old copies of utp from work ah the eastern daily press the east anglia's leading daily newspaper now this is the point where i would normally introduce the delightful the horrendous uh matthew but unfortunately um i'm sad to say matthew is is no longer with us matthew has passed through customs and gone on holiday with his bloody girlfriend which is ridiculous he's gone to dorset which i'm not sure it has customs in fact but that's where
he's gone so instead we have a very fortunate turn of events and what's happened is that we've upgraded our matthew to a scott hello hello scott how are you mate yeah i'm good thank you thank you for stepping into matthew's shoes yeah no worries i don't know why he left them there but they you've got them on they suit you beautifully yeah i mean they're a bit small but a little bit small yeah well you do have big feet uh it's lovely to have you there do you have any thoughts uh no not really i've just plugged in the super computer so it's all good it's got lots of lots of blinky lights yeah um but it looks a little bit like a zx spectrum do many supercomputers have rubber keys depends how safe you want it to be that probably explains your your rubber onesie as well yes because it's very much safety first with you well that's everybody introduced scott's going to come back to
us with scores and things like that and uh and um keep track of numbers i think we're ready i think it's time for round one sort it out yeah round one it's called sort it out i'm going to give a conundrum a problem some kind of thing for our teams to sort out we'll start with the follicle oracles um the question for both of our teams is what things should be on your pre-holiday checklist according to a website whose name i failed to failed to write down and we will start with the follicle oracles any thoughts have you locked the kids away safely and given the dog to a good home yeah giving the dog away yeah yeah good i'd do the other way around lock the dog up and give the
children away i mean i've lost a lot of kids that way i can holiday once a year is quite expensive yeah right yeah okay uh any other thoughts pre-holiday checklist well i'd assume you'd make sure you pack up all the stuff you need like you know your knives your shoe bombs you know your cat wow multiple shoe bombs yeah i mean for your multiple shoes yeah you need formal ones and like flip-flops yeah day wear evening wear beach wear bombs yeah good that's something wow i think you also need to double check that you're not smuggling any chemical weapons drugs into the country inadvertently
yeah or on purpose advertently have you ever done either of those things are the cia listening to this podcast i mean i'd be delighted if they did to be honest with you we need the listeners should we find out yes yes yes i have then if i get arrested we'll know oh well right now or we all get a point let's get arrested right now i would love it if people burst through the window now and arrested us all and we all got waterboarded together in guantanamo that'd be fun that'd be amazing can i say that it'd be so funny it'd be like it'd be like the joke that keeps on giving away like the ultimate running joke would be it'd be horrible but then as we're being waterboarded we look across each other
and just go that was all worth it yeah susan i once had a box labeled sword and i got that through customers what was in it it was a sword um and he thought that's no way to leave the kitchen i think the pre-check should definitely be about checking who you're going with i think this is a really good opportunity to check you actually want to spend any time with those people and uh i think that that's something that maybe people are not doing on their checklist another basic one to consider is have you booked to go to the correct destination that sounds like a very sensible thing to do actually i don't know why i think not everyone not everyone thinks of that no have you ever ended up in
the wrong place uh i haven't personally because you have this checklist yeah i did hear of a couple who thought they'd booked flights to sydney australia but they ended up in a town called sydney in canada see now that would actually be on my checklist that would be like a surprise holiday but another thing you have to uh think about is you have to be careful about sharing your holiday photos on social media while you're away because then people realize that you're away you end up getting burgled so what you can do is uh take some photos of yourself outside your house and then post a picture every day you're on holiday and then people think you're still at home yes because because people regularly post just a picture of themselves outside their house on facebook there's patrick outside his house again
standing outside his house every day for seven days i broke into his house to make some toast in his kitchen the other day because he'd posted a picture of him on the beach and he was bloody outside his house i couldn't believe it could not believe it when i got there and how did you leave his kitchen uh i covered the wall in pate oh okay any more free more well i went to vietnam with my dad once and he booked my flight home and he said right we've got you've got layover in belgium i thought lovely belgium chocolates that sort of thing turns out it was belgrade did you get any belgrade chocolates well they did not like chocolate or fun in that airport at all and airports don't like fun i got some weird nikola tesla money at home that i can't do anything with wow that sounds exciting i mean i i love
nikola tesla i'm very big fan uh i'll buy it off you and then turn it into electricity good any more thoughts about the checklist danny you look like you're struggling for consciousness are you okay a okay b got anything funny to say else i can uh attach eu flags to your clothes and luggage so that people don't keep thinking you're a complete bastard yeah right that's a very good just wear a suit with the european flag on it yes bit like when your mum used to put your um um or dad possibly um gloves on piece of string through your coat so you could just have bits of flag hanging out oh constant
flag oh yeah not wear union jack pants and run around european capitals pissed up shouting no no and not definitely not those onesy things that don't have a mouth because that's odd and that's that's a gimp costume danny
those things where people seem to buy for stag parties these days and they're all in different colored ones oh yeah yeah i know i know what you mean what are they called morph suits yes that's it yeah yeah i think the first group of people that saw the first group of tourists doing that for hey that's interesting and now they're like oh god i just need to cancel an amazon order hang on a second oh nasty scott any points there yeah uh john and suzanna are on three and danny and patrick on two oh so you got points for what tell us yeah uh john and suzanna got points for mentioning comfortable shoe bombs and for packing strategically the way the kids so so one of the one of the uh checklists that and just pack strategically so what are the scores
at the end of round one john and suzanna on three and danny and patrick on two all right it's time for round two
yeah round two is heroic failures this is on the buzzers teams all the questions in this round are taken from the ultimate book of heroic failures by stephen pile it's an excellent book published by faber and faber which is available in all good bookshops and the shit ones as well um okay i'm going to read out some questions based on some some heroic failures and you just give me the answers it's as simple as that quite literally okay question one in 1994 deciding they needed a visitor attraction burnham-upon-crouch district council built a man-made beach at west quay using 300 tons of sand held in place with a state of the art steel groin what happened john did no one go to it no
suzanna t jones was the groin not strong enough so what did it did it bend and just created a very concave beach no can i just clarify what a groin is i don't really want to because i don't know okay so things that stick out and keep things in place they go out they normally would patrick did all the sand get washed away yes points for patrick the 300 tons of sand got washed away at the very first tide after they did it the local mayor observed um they said this would not happen
actually i'll say it the other way around where it makes no sense they said they said this would not happen observed uh the mayor i'll probably use the first one okay uh next question what turned out to be the cause of a strong alien signal at the seti institute which is the search for extraterrestrial intelligence in australia in the 1990s danny a pizza line jam as in someone wrong they did one of you know you ringing up for pizza and then no it wasn't that john was a psychic hotline no
patrick vacuum cleaner no half a point to patrick though stj's thinking i can see in her eyes danny is was it a household appliance yes no further points he already said vacuum cleaner radio no john microwave yes the other half point to john it was the microwave in the kitchen no in 1996 dr peter bacchus uh told the american astronomical society we thought it was odd that this only happened at meal okay next question kurt husfeldt was amazed when police knocked on his door as soon as he got back
from committing a crime in january 2007 how did they find him so quickly john do you fill out a form so he wants to win a holiday no did he make a facebook status no danny i feel like maybe he told them where he was going so he um left like a clue like he you're in the right territory but you're not there patrick did he leave his name badge on from work no john did he escape on a mobility scooter and they just outran him
no he thought he was he broke into a warehouse and and um thought he'd got a crate of mobile phones oh did they trace the signal yeah so basically he was mobile phones he'd stolen something else oh um radios garmin and as in as in like gps yes he stole a crate of gps trackers and they immediately just tracked him to exactly where he was um uh i've forgotten to find two additional questions um so that's the end of round two scott any points there mate yeah the hairy wise people are on 4.5
and the kitchen persons are on 3.5 okay there's a point in it as we move into round three
yeah round three is a rely rely rely rely rely rely rely a in this round i'm going to play each team an audio clip and they are going to get a question about that audio clip the first one is four that's no way to leave the kitchen the question is which celebrity is janet not very keen on right well big drum roll then it's all down to you janet have you got the right answer hope so what do you reckon train train of thought train i've discovered if i can write more patchily more slowly i kind of lose my it's not train oh bloody old dickhead are you thank you very much janet janet's thoughts uh not
uh not to those of the bbc i hasten to add uh i won nine four six four one six four one so janet wasn't very fond of him uh branding him a dickhead but who was the guy whose word she was trying to guess was she calling him dick when he was it richard she was calling him a dickhead yes which is funny isn't it because you think it's richard richard may may make me make me yeah points is richard maidly good good work yeah nicely i walked down the road with richard maidly really yes he was here in norwich he was walking down the road and seemed just perfectly normal person actually what did you discuss oh no we oh did i give you the impression that we walked together no that may
have been an exaggeration he was walking along the road and i was walking along the road that's what i meant oh i see he was here in norwich yeah match pace with him i did a little bit because i wasn't aware of who he was i mean what manner of walking down the road do you have to do to be identifiable as a dickhead would you have to just like kick stones at people as you went yeah that would be one that definitely put you in dickhead territory i would say you weren't aware that who he was no how has the story even come about then well because someone then i went into wh smith and they said there's richard mateley and he was oddly this is quite it's bizarre he's got a shoplifting track record was he stealing he stole a bottle of wine excuse me he stole a bottle of wine i'm not
going no i was in the shop he walked past but his face was on the radio times at the same time oh man okay yes they you two got points well done kitchen people you two it's now time for your question and your question is who do we hear instead of len mccluskey famous leader jeremy corbyn is calling for unity there's been a heated row over claims there's a hard left plot to take over the party unite boss len mccluskey's described the claim as ridiculous if only there was somebody well that's clearly the wrong place well that's clearly the wrong clip so who was that it wasn't then mccluskey oh okay do you want to hear it again it's very short yeah famous leader jeremy
corbyn is calling for unity there's been a heated row over claims there's a hard left plot to take over the party unite boss len mccluskey's described the claim as ridiculous if only there was somebody well that's clearly the wrong clip so who was that well i'm kind of torn between like natalie and brulia yeah yeah yeah i'm like you know naked on an empty bed i mean but daddy said we can't do that so this is an audio podcast you can do what you want okay excellent i'm still torn though between uh a prepubescent daniel radcliffe of harry potter fame uh or pepper pig and which you're going to go for john would you like to confer with your teammate i'd go with some kind of children's
tv show character so daniel radcliffe let's go with just for the sake of the festive hog we'll go with pepper pig yeah it's pepper pig well done points for the hairy wise people everybody scores a point rendering that round pointless yeah we love doing stuff that doesn't mean anything scott does it even bother there's no point is there they got one more point yeah thanks mate glad you're here all right it's time for round four it's the wheel of things yes round four is the wheel of things um in a minute susanity jones is going to step forward and spin the massive wheel and we're going to see what round comes up
suzanna give it a spin if you kids
man alive it's like there's only two things on this wheel it's the scribo word again what's going to happen it's a bit like the game articulate we can't call it that obviously for copyright reasons so it's called the scribo word john and sus are going to go first sus is going to give the clues the first two are easy the second two a middling the last two are hard okay scott do you have time on the clock yeah lovely stuff then let's go it's a it's it's a bit like hair but like not not mammal hair like and not not fish hair because fish aren't hairy so the hair of the other kind of thing right rabbit rabbit wigs no because rabbits are still mammals oh god yes bird wigs but bird wigs what's
a what are bird wigs made of uh the joy and hopes of children feathers oh yeah we'll take that good stuff on to the next one all right um they rhyme with giles but don't have anything to do with anyone called giles there um they contain four right angles and sometimes they're shiny um oh giles brandriff no although you're close you um stick them up in your kitchen pate squares imagine if you had a solidified pate square that had been given a bit of a buff and you had a lot of them you know maybe
put them on the bathroom floor tiles yeah good stuff move on to number three now right i'm pretty sure he got in trouble for smuggling a monkey somewhere once which i don't know why he chose to do that anyway in year nine people liked him johnny depp no although one of the letters is also a letter in his name he sang no not he sang some things then he got a haircut and stopped looking like a girl but still sang some things um britney spears no he um he has the same initials as juicy beans
justin bieber yeah i think he did have his monkey confiscated yeah okay it's a mental process it's a thing you might think come up with in your mind but not whilst you're conscious and you do it whilst you were elevated off the ground in a large organic form covered in leaves and it might be kind of composing choreography but not whilst awake but also whilst on branches okay john you get one one go at this dreaming that you're a tree whilst buying noddy a present what was it susannah devising dance moves while asleep up a tree oh so close and what was the one you didn't have time to get to you
chatting to a shaman about brexit while eating a sandwich oh okay well still scored some points there well done to you two let's give them a cricket clap yes well bowled well bowled thank you it's time for that's no way to leave the kitchen now patrick is guessing danny's going to give the clues are you ready you two scott do you have some time on the clock oh right let's go for it so babies babies enjoy this um especially from one of their parents but not the other um and because the other doesn't actually produce it so that's why that wouldn't be enjoyable um well i hope it's milk
yeah on to number two um now interestingly the second one actually sounds just like the that first one um but is not made by mums although it is a live thing that is made and then um i think i'm not sure how this is made but something it's a thing that's made and then it's made into something that we can wear so it sounds like ilk yes it sounds like that but with a a lovely sort of snake sound to it uh silk yeah good stuff onto question three the third one is the man that came um that said it ready things would get better and then they did get better for quite a long time and then he did a really big whoopsie and it has not been better for him well the lead singer of d ream yes commonly known
that but he's also someone who's in um who has take who would be known in the political world um and and they only got better but then it didn't because then the iraq war came along and he made a duff decision but things did get better it's like uh tony blair yes excellent so the next one is what you might enjoy to have to um sup on if you're feeling a bit chilly and um cozy this is quite cozy to have and it would be um something that's goes down down the pipe quite easy because there's no bits in it although sometimes yes there are can be bits in it um orange juice no it's hot and a
wintery kind of food often with bread and um yes it's quite a quite catchy superfood well that first word was very very close that first word soup in in in in something like that not a cup you wouldn't have a cup of it you'd have a plate no not a plate no we sophisticated people it's in a it's just a bowl bowl of soup all right your time is up but let's have let's have one run at one of the hard ones okay so yes so it's it's november the 5th and you're outside and you've been told to go and
do something you're trying really hard um you have done it but now there's a time frame because it hasn't done what it's supposed to do so you're counting down 120 seconds um and then you're thinking to yourself do i wait here or am i should i go towards that thing um but then in your mind you're thinking but if i do and it creates what it should create then perhaps some part of my anatomy might be taken off okay let's have a guess patrick uh sounds like someone worrying whether they should uh break the firework code and return to a firework after it's been lit yeah i think we have to give you something for that that's pretty damn close what was it danny it was lighting a
firework and waiting for it to go off for two minutes then worrying about going back to check on it because of the danger of it going off in your face pretty much yeah good and what was the other difficult one we didn't have time to do trying to find your car keys on a wednesday afternoon yeah right there we go points all round scott what are the totals looking like mate oracle foracles are on 8.5 and for promoting my new hat soup restaurant the kitchen people persons are on nine ah lovely stuff yeah i'll have a hat of soup please it's time for round five
round five is what the what the fuck i have two questions here um we're going to start with the kitchen um the there's no way that's no way that's no way to leave the kitchen we're going to start with them and your question is what vital job have goats been brought in to do in portugal it makes perfect sense for me to think that they would direct traffic i see why is that i think goats have have quite an authoritative look about them and um you've got a high viz on them up on their tiptoes you would go the way that they directed i'm not sure that i would do what a goat told me but maybe i'm
a natural anarchist you're just not very trusting maybe are they joining the fire service because they're very fearless agile creatures they've been seen perching those narrow ledges just eating the grass so maybe they've been trained to climb buildings and rescue people i'm not sure they could carry the hose oh they'd rescue people are they known for carrying if you could like have a goat and a mule and fuse them together like a cut and shunt then you could it could climb and then carry the people oh that's very human to think that they aren't good enough just the way they are i just worry about the weight carrying abilities of the goat just send them to the gym well just have a have a team of goats and they can carry them between them they don't have to work alone teamwork
it's interesting that yes we're both thinking emergency services would they still come down the pole when the alarm goes i want to see the like 10 go
no they'd have to have more of a sort of stepping jump like a bit like you know when you have a pond they can jump well don't they you know a trickling effect yeah right go tell to skelter i thought maybe they'd be used um for carrying secret messages between people you know like just writing it underneath the fur and then you'd sort of like pat the fur back down over cover it up and everyone would be like oh nice harmless goat
and then so you'd what you'd like shave it to get the message yeah or just give it a bit of a haircut yeah you know if you've got a goat coming towards you it's got a lovely perm you know it's already had its message read what would you write on a goat if i had one right here now i don't have one right here now but if i did we had one right here now and like there wasn't a purpose i just wanted to write i feel like i'd write something inspirational on a goat you know give it affirmation inspirational goat quote yeah lovely yeah and then hang it hang it on your wall no i give it a little platform to stand on i give it a shelf the goat shell john any thoughts so my understanding is that the the president of portugal visited um waitrose in england is that right yeah and um tried some port salu the
cheese yeah and really liked it so brought a huge amount of it back to portugal but then has now a surplus of port salu right so goats famously eat anything yeah so he imported a lot of goats to eat the port salu but now they've got a lot of goats so they're going to try and find something that eats goats so the only thing that eats goats is the famous goat eating plants of guatemala right it's a giant picture plant and goats are attracted to it because they like danger a picture plant picture i don't this isn't a term that i'm familiar with is the plant that's pretty uh p-i-t-c-h-e-r it's like a jug yeah yeah it's a juggy plant it's a big doom jug goes in goes goes in doom jug goes in death comes out
wow yeah a bit like your flat yeah why have you been to my flat i'm posting pictures of myself and my flat every day like last year how do you know i'm not there that trigger system doesn't work there seems to be you seem to be visiting many people's flats yes late at night yes secretly yes why can't you just buy your own toast chris yeah why do you have to keep stealing us i'm sticking it to the man i'm winning beating the system there is no toast system but maybe there should be well you're in trouble with suze because she's gluten free so don't be going back to her oh i'm not actually but it was a very nice rice cake so thanks
i feel like i've misled you by accident you just you know i was just doing i just gave up
she told me she had no legs and made me carry her into the city a couple of weeks ago yeah well i just wanted to to see if i could get someone to give me a lift it worked didn't it yeah turn up tonight walking with your own legs i mean you hid them incredibly well i'm very good at halloween costumes all good answers in fact they were brought into portugal to stop hill fires so patrick you are on the money there points points to patrick dozens of herds have been hired by the government to destroy the thick grasses that make wildfires a regular occurrence dozens of herds have been i've pasted the same thing twice but one's longer than the other let me read out what i've got dozens of
herds have been hired by the government to destroy the thick grasses that make wildfires a regular occurrence dozens of herds have been hired by the government to munch through the thick undergrowth that covers the country's hillsides and make the wild wildfires a regular occurrence kids cool it's informative do you want me to read it again is the population of um of portugal now becoming goat eaters i don't know maybe well after they've finished eating the thick grasses yeah maybe i'd go curry ones didn't like it it's very bony question two and this is going to start off with the follicle oracles what item did kim jong-un take to his
summit with trump alongside food and his bulletproof limousine oh it was uh the game it was the north korean version of twister um so same amount of numbers 616 squares but they're all red and they've all got faces of people that he may or may not respect so if you put your limb on the wrong one you actually have to have a holiday um somewhere not very nice i feel like maybe it would be a lot of mcdonald's vouchers off the back of bus tickets because i don't know if there are many mcdonald's in north korea whereas america's like the heartland of the loving mcdonald's family so i feel like maybe he'd been
saving them up for trip and he's like when i'm back i'm gonna have so many chicken mcnuggets i have two thoughts wow i mean i wanted he had a sticker book um which he's he hasn't got all the rest of the stickers for and i was trying to think what kind of sticker book would he need to get from trump so i was thinking yes stick a book did you find out it would obviously be something like you know the dictators of the world or um freedom fighters or something like that yeah and um something where he might not be able to military equipment from the 1950s something like that yeah silly haircut
power rangers yeah and then the other thought i was well i guess he must have brought a portable toilet a port-o-loo i'm sure hold that thought we'll come back to you patrick any thoughts um i thought we might have brought chewing gum uh chewing gum is illegal in singapore but he's such a bad boy as you can imagine him chewing two pieces at once spitting it on the pavement in front of the police officers they're not going to arrest a great leader is chewing gum illegal in singapore yes wow why because it's bad for the environment yeah they're just very strict on things like that wow i wonder what i wonder what the rationale behind it is i think maybe don't want to have to pick it up off the floor yeah i mean it's pretty grim it stays there for i don't know decades
isn't it yeah perhaps they just make orphans beginning with sea illegal yeah yeah now i heard you say let's make orphans illegal but i'm sure that's what you did say orphans in the sea what let's make orphans beginning with sea not orphans in the sea i mean like children they would be illegal they're orphans orphans in the sea illegal orphans in the sea what's that song orphans in the sea this is a lovely sing song but um even matt too's joining in i've got to this in the bud danny you get points it's a toilet it's a toilet he took his own toilet the portable
device would would deny determined sewer divers getting insights into the supreme leader's stools oh good god you can you can find out a lot about man by his stools let me tell you something about john oh let's not eat much mcdonald's no loves uh port salu though so as well as going for his toast you've been getting up and close to the toilet area i have a lot of information on some of our panelists yes do they know about that no hey scott what the scores mate the follicle borrowers are on 8.5 still and the kitchen leavers are on 11. this might be a first for me it's all to play for it's on the buzzers it's the final round danny
said this might be a first for me celebrating her victory way too early i think there might be reversal here our victory our victory see the pig it's time for round six yeah round six questions it's on the buzzers team it's a fast and furious buzz around to finish the quiz oh right question one how long would it take for you to realize that the sun has disappeared yes eight minutes uh no i should give you that i'm not going to though anyone else no is in fact seven minutes and 55 seconds oh you need the points yeah i have points for that it's eight minutes people say it's eight minutes um okay question two what's the matter
you hey shut up your foot no oh so close i mean there's no right answer to this really oh danny nothing nothing no i'm afraid not oh there's no right answer but there's lots of wrong ones chris keeps breaking into my kitchen have a point as hush money question three what did queen victoria ban from her funeral john dead people no danny the royal family no susanna wearing black ironically yes good points no way yeah question four how much saliva does the average person produce in a lifetime john give me five minutes i'll show you
patrick enough to fill an ocean um no i will accept the answer in either liters or olympic swimming pools susanna oh i was gonna say a spit time but then you specified three olympic swimming pools no john one of the big swimming pool no oh nine no danny
i would have also accepted five million liters there you go i always accept five million liters do some people get more than others yes question question five who is this
john steptoe from step to the sun fame yeah
okay question six what what tool am i thinking of patrick hammer no john donald trump no danny no sus a monkey ranch no it wasn't in fact a braddle oh it's always a braddle or as my dad calls it a bradley uh question seven how many varieties does heinz have john 57 no that's what's on the can but it's not right heinz heinz heinz three
no suzanna nine
no patrick none they've been bought out by some corporation no they do in fact have 1300 despite on the label saying 57 uh question eight if there was an animal called a shamapo what what noise would it make john that noise no danny yes that was it that was it yeah well done points to danny um how much money would boris johnson have to pay you for a full body massage john two olympic swimming pools fools right lovely yeah okay yeah points for john question 10 and the final question of the entire quiz where is the center of of england danny halfway between the middle bit halfway between the two sides you know
halfway between the two sides and the top and the bottom yeah well i can give you a point for that thank you anyone else want to have a guess john susanna wherever you are chris oh give some points to susanna oh my god it is in fact danny dis no it's not dis it's lindley hall farm fenny drayton in leicestershire well that brings us to the end of the quiz this evening sponsored by fenny drayton and we are going to go over to scott and see what the final scores are how excited is everybody not very is the
answer nine nine excited on a scale of one to four hundred nine scott what are the final scores mate the final scores are the focal oracles are on 14.5
and the why did you leave the kitchen like that are on 14
a reversal in the final round um pat john and susanna you are victorious you've snapped a victory from the jaws of defeat what are you going to spend your prize money on well i was just going to take a lot of pictures outside of patrick's house i think i'm going to get myself a brand new shiny hat well that's great thank you for listening thank you all for downloading remember to do that beer 52 thing um if you want to help support us or you can also support us at patreon.com but thank you for downloading listening get your friends to um to subscribe to us like us on facebook do all of that kind of stuff but thank you to john newing susannity jones patrick widess danny o'hara and to scott
james gooch for doing the scores i've been chris reed see you next time when we play idiot wind
idiot wind is produced in association with dogface improv fantata and slow theater company and is executive produced by emma t the music is yes i do by the melvins and don't forget you can find out more and support the podcast by going to idiotwindpodcast.com
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