Transcript
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Hello there, it's Chris Reid here, host of the popular panel show podcast Idiot Wind. We were supposed to be recording series 4 of Idiot Wind, the popular panel show podcast, but we've gone into lockdown to hide from a virus, so we thought we'd do some apocalypse episodes instead. So this is the first one of those, and there'll be a few more. If you'd like to watch them, yeah. We are also live streaming and they're on Saturdays at 2 o'clock UK time in the afternoon. Check out the Idiot Wind Facebook page or go to idiotwindpodcast.com for all of the information. There is a new way to support the podcast as well. If you enjoy the show and want us to carry on making them, then please consider chucking us a quid or two. You can do
that at ko-fi.com forward slash idiotwind. That's ko-fi.com forward slash idiotwind or check out idiotwindpodcast.com. We hope that you're having a reasonable apocalypse and staying well. Please do stay indoors and wash everything constantly. Here is the first of our apocalypse episodes.
And it's a new wind! Welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome to Idiot Windy panel show made by Idiots for Idiots. We are delighted to be here. We were supposed to be recording a load of podcasts last weekend, but because of the evil coronavirus, we couldn't do that. So instead, we've gathered some idiots. We've got some V
idiots, some E idiots for you today. And we're going to V podcast. That's what we're doing. Let's meet our idiots. On, oh, not on my left. I was going to say on my left. On, everybody's directly in front of me. It might be. It might be directly in front of me. Steve, you probably are slightly to my left. Yes, depending on which end of the house you're sitting in and which way you're facing. How are you doing, Steve Keyworth? I am well. I wish I am. That has never been so important. I am well. Yeah, that's very good. We are all well. I think I forgot to say that this is a coronavirus special. I mean, maybe that's obvious. People maybe were looking forward to Idiot Wind being on today and thought, that's great. A little bit of
escapism from the horribleness. No chance. The entire quiz is about viruses, diseases, isolation and death. Excellent. That's what I hope for. How's your isolation going? You having fun? I'm good. I'm good. I'm just buying random things now. I bought some Lego this week, a couple of dragons, a bottle of vodka, I found some pasta. A couple of dragons? Yeah, I feel like that might be handy. I've got two small children, so they'll need a dragon each at some point when we enter Dragon War stage of proceedings. All of the bread and pasta had gone, so you just got dragons. Or is that in place of toilet roll?
You just burn it out. Yeah, that's it. Well, it's lovely to have you here. On Steve's side is the, I'm going to, when I listen back to Idiot Wind, I realise that one word I say more than anything else is delightful. Everything is delightful. Everyone's delightful. So I'm not going to say it at all. Joining Steve and on Steve's team for this special episode of Idiot Wind is Dani O'Hara. Dani, how are you? I'm good. Why am I not delightful, Chris? You are, but I just need to cut down on my usage because it's going to become a word that doesn't mean anything. How's your isolation been going? I hear you're shacked up with a handsome man.
Okay. Yeah, it's going good. I mean, yeah, my pond is halfway built. That is deep, ma'am. Well, it's not deep yet, but it will be. You're a pond half full kind of gal. And chipping in there, we have the lovely Mark Wombersley, who's known as Womble. How are you doing, Womble? I just need to point out that Mark couldn't actually make it today for unspecified reasons. So he sent me along in his place. I'm his twin brother. What are the unspecified reasons? Can you specify them? No. You've got a lovely FedEx package in the background. You're supposed to ask me what my name is then. Sorry, not Mark, but what's your name? It is Mark. We're identical.
I'll clean that up in the edit. I'm just going to have a look at your background. You've got a FedEx package there. What did you get in the post? What did you order? I ordered a FedEx box. It's a new console. It's going back to basics. It's analog. We have something creeping in here as well. It looks like a sort of a handle or a pipe or the inner tube of a bike. Is that in front of the FedEx box? Yeah. Oh, yeah, that's... Oh, I just got it. FedEx box. Like FedEx box 360.
There is a bit of a lag on the Facebook thingy. Did everyone else get that? No. I have no idea what you're talking about. Yeah, I definitely do. Okay, split. Sorry. And on Mark's team is the... He is delightful. I don't care. I'm going to say it. It's the delightful Enrico Cioni. Thank you, Chris. Thank you. I am delightful. How are you doing, man? I'm okay. I actually recently became a British citizen, officially. Yay! I'm hoping that by the end of this podcast, I will still be a citizen. Nothing that happens on this podcast will make them revoke it. I think Matthew does have the power to revoke citizenship. Oh, man. All right. Let's find out a team name. Steve and Danny, what are you called? Oh, wow.
I thought, because I'm coming... I'm in my kids' playroom, so I thought we could be called Pirates, unless Danny disagrees terribly, because we're a democracy. No, the Pirates is good for me. Did you want to add anything to the Pirates? Did you want to... Yeah, I wanted to say the Red Pirates. Okay, Steve and Danny are the Red Pirates. And Mark and Enrico? Well, you said earlier to just look around and see something and name your team after that. And I can see a hanging tablet. A hanging tablet. So you're the hanging tablets? Yes, apparently. I think so. Okay, so we have the Red Pirates versus the hanging tablet. There's only one thing left to do before we start the quiz. And that's going for our first time to that which we call V. Matthew Corner. Hey, V. Matthew. How's V. Matthew Corner?
Hello, V. Matthew Corner is wonderful. Thank you. Yeah. You have a lot of guitars in V, Matthew Corner. Are you a bit of a guitarist? I am. I also have... Oh, it's a banjo. A random banjo lying around. Oh, that's just broken. Yeah, let's... Do you like all stringed things? I like most stringed things, yes. Let's see if we can make it to round one.
Sort it out. Yes, round one is called Sort It Out. And as this is the virus isolation death special, I thought we'd talk about the things that people need, that humans need to survive, because we might all be going into a survival state of mind fairly, fairly soon. So there was this chap called Maslow, who created a hierarchy of needs. And I just want to know, teams, what do you think are some of the things that Maslow thought are essential to human existence? What do humans need? They go through in order from bottom to top in like a hierarchy. Let's go first to the Red Pirates. What do humans need? So when you say from bottom to top, do we start with our bottoms, what our humans need?
So your first guess is bottoms. Well, a hole for the bottom to go in, I think. A hole for the bottom to go in? Or a hole in the bottom for stuff to come out? No, well, a hole so that things can go in from the other hole so that it can be kept in one place. What? You want to put things in your bum? That's your first essential need? That's where all the toilet paper's gone. Danny's been sponsored by the Times cryptic crossword on this. And just generally in life.
Okay, well, maybe I took that too literally. Hey, Steve, what do you think? So, Danny, I think you're saying toilets, right? Well, I'm saying that toilets is a very, you know, advanced, developed hole, basically. You may have to go to the outdoors and use a hole. So I'm just saying hole that deposits other stuff. Is this your way of talking to me about cleaning the toilet better? Oh, God.
Steve, any thoughts?
I've actually read about Maslow's permit of meat. No, pretend you haven't. I have. But I have no recollection of it. Oh, that's okay. That's fine. And I realized this week, nobody knows what they want. But we need to be able to get it very quickly now. And afterwards, we will realize that whatever we got is a mistake. Essentially. That's what I've learned from my shopping experiences. Nothing. I don't know what I want. I've got to get it quick. Ah, this isn't it. This is how you ended up with dragons instead of food. Dragons. Absolutely. Yeah. Hanging tablet. What are the essential fundamental human needs? Well, following on from Danny's holistic approach.
I think, obviously, toilet paper, as has been proved by literally everyone recently, is an essential need. We don't actually know why. I think it was just one person stockpiled. Someone else saw them stockpiling, didn't know why they were stockpiling, but just thought, well, we better stockpile as well, because there will be no toilet rolls. And then it just, it was a chain reaction. Yeah. It's a toilet chain reaction. Yeah. Yeah. How many puns can Mark get in?
I will count. Can we put a counter on? I wish we had a Mark pun counter. I do. So how many was that already? That was about 12. Three. Okay. It felt like 12. I have to start from now. So we'll start on three. All right. Start on three. Enrico, human needs. Do you have any? Yeah. I mean, I thought I could, I should go with a comedy answer, but then, you know, I'm just going to be, just going to say what we all know is true, that all humans need ox blood. Just jars of ox. Strong as an ox and it makes you smart as an ox. And you know, what else, you know, it's just, it's not funny, but how smart are oxes? Well, they're as smart as they need to be.
That's why. All went to Oxford. Yeah. I mean, that's why, I mean, that's why the ox blood is in the periodic table, isn't it? Just, they just call it ox oxygen, but we all need it. The largest number on the periodic table is ox blood. Yeah. Because it's like the biggest, most important thing. I think it's like 112 or something. Yeah. Yeah. I think the ox, the oxen and the cows knew this was going to happen, this virus. They sat down in the field and we all know that that means it's either going to rain or there'll be a big global pandemic or they're just a bit tired and they want to sit down. Do you think it's, they've been sort of working on this since the mad cow disease? Yeah. Yeah.
This is the revenge of the cow. Yeah. It's also, if you think about it, it's an interesting coincidence that, oxes, oxen, whatever, and cows contain this. I think it's oxi. Oxi. Yes. That sounds right, actually. But it's interesting that they contain the blood to begin with. Like, clearly they know something, right? To already hold this magical substance inside them. Right? Yeah. Yeah. I know. I think we should all be, I think if we combine Enrico and Danny's answers, I think the only sensible way forward is to force oxen up our anuses. Good. Anyone else got any other thoughts? Thinking about that. Well, it's put a whole different light on the oxo cube for me now that you've said that, Chris.
My human need is the lead to my record player. I can't find it. I live in the house, the same house as my vinyl for the first time in 30 years. And I, yeah, can't play any of it. So I will, I will lose my mind if that doesn't happen soon. You can just sit there and look at the grooves. Yeah. Yeah. Try and imagine what sound they'd make. Yeah. Actually, I, there was one thing that my partner brought up earlier. I was asking her about this. So I was curious to hear if she also thought that Oxford was very important. But she, he pointed out that you should have an enemy, that you need an enemy. And we all, we all are real, like a trivial enemy. You know, we all think of Castaway. You know, he makes his friend out of a ball, but it would have been more realistic if he made a trivial enemy out of the ball. Good. Excellent. Excellent answers.
Over to Matthew and Matthew Corn and see if anyone got any bloody points. Well, there's definitely been a bloody point for Enrico for the oxblood thing. If you use it as either food, water or sexual intimacy, that is. Okay. Oh, yeah. Which we know he does. Yeah. Exactly. So that's, that's one point to the hanging tablets. Danny got, gets a point for a hole in the bottom. Yay. Because excretion is at the bottom. Well, we know excretion's at the bottom. Where else would you do it? The bottom of the table and the bottom of the oxblood. And I gave Steve a point for spontaneity because he just exudes spontaneity. So I thought, why not? Yeah. Lovely. Good stuff.
So, yeah, the, the needs are starting from the most important to the, to the, to the, the most base are psychological, physiological. So that's breathing, food, water, sex, sleep, homeostasis, which I'm not quite sure what it is. What kind of clever person than me tell me what homeostasis is. It's to do with balance. I think keeping the equilibrium between the outside and the inside, but I don't know exactly what it means in this specific context. Well, it's a fundamental need. It's not liking change. It's the tendency towards a relatively stable equilibrium. But did you just look that up, Matthew? Or did you just, or do you just talk like a dictionary and excretion that is down there? Say then next up is safety, security, body, employment, resources, then love and belonging
is third friendship, family, sexual intimacy, then esteem, then self-actualization. Acceptance of facts is one of those. So let's hope that our politicians can make it to that level at some point. So it doesn't actually mention toilet rolls. It mentions excretion, but not toilet rolls specifically. So, yeah, people need to be less worried about toilet rolls. I think we should move on.
Yes, round three is called What the What the Fuck. It's on the buzzers, teams. The teams have virtual buzzers. It's quite interesting. We'll see how this works. Question one. How did a group of wild elephants take advantage of this current situation in the Yunnan province in China, where the population is self-isolating? They got themselves elected and took over civilisation. No, that's Mark. Did they do a conga through the main streets and video it for later? I mean, I don't know that they didn't. Maybe you have a point, Enrico? Did they touch each other's faces? Like, did they touch their own faces with the trunks? Because they can't pass it on, so they're just really going to have a face-touching ordering. They're just lording it over us. They stand outside people's houses, just touching each other's faces.
Yeah, pretty much, yeah. Bloody elephants, they piss me right off. No, any other guesses? Mark? I know the actual answer. Do you want to, yeah? Hang on, let's see if Steve's got anything to say. Oh, I was going to say they invaded the local Wetherspoons and got a nice meal deal and again, got ratted on something blue. That was cheap. Oh, do you know what? A point to Steve, or half a point, or some kind of point to Steve, because he just said something which was true. Danny? Oh, it was Wetherspoons. They took advantage and went shopping and took out all of their shopping and just displayed it on the road for people to see and said, but stuck their trunk up at everybody. No, they didn't do that.
They did procure food, so I'm going to give you something for shopping there. Have a point or something like that. Well, they kind of invaded a vineyard or something and got drunk out of their skulls and all collapsed off the wine or something that was made there. They did. They broke into a farm to find food where they found to drink 30 kilograms of corn wine and drank it all. And then they slept it off. Did they find a bin and throw up and then throw it down and then just start all over again and then try and get a kebab? An elephant-sized kebab. Yeah. Just three sheep on a tree, I guess. Question two.
Why did Kirkham Street Sports and Social Club make retired bus driver Morris Fox self-isolate himself in a car park? Steve? Because they didn't like him. No. Mark? He kept getting naked. No. Danny? Oh, I heard that. Because he'd come in the wrong kind of lycra and it wasn't doing its job. No. Enrico? Because he didn't exist. Oh. No, it wasn't that. I don't know why it went. Oh, Mark. Because he was the bus. No, he wasn't the bus. Danny? Because that's what they were doing with everyone. So they could do all their aerobics outside in the car park? No, not true. Specifically him. It's not a million miles away from the territory that we've been in.
It's surprising that most things centre around toilet-based things on this show. Oh, no. I'm basically a 12-year-old boy, aren't I? I can't buzz in, but I think there's something to do with poo.
I'll tell you what the answer was. They had so many complaints about his farting that they wrote a letter to him asking him if he wouldn't mind sitting near the door and leaving when he needed to pass wind. When interviewed by the local paper, Fox stated, I was surprised by the letter. Somebody must have complained about the noise. My farts are loud, but there's no smell whatsoever. Oh, my God. I don't think this is a precedent that people can start. No. What was not a precedent? What, farting in the car parks? Do you think people... No, sending out letters to people that fart. I mean, there's a lot of people with a lot of letters coming their way. Okay, let's move on. Question three. What was unusual about a message received in Hampshire by paramedic Roger Flux to attend a suspected heart attack? Danny. It was in emojis with a kiss kiss at the end.
No. Buzz. Buzz. My buzz is not working. It was actually to attend Ian Duncan Smith and everybody thought he didn't have a heart.
No. Well done. Was it from his colleague saying, Hey, you left me behind, you bastard. No, it was not. Was he surprised because actually he'd just come off his milk round? No. Buzz. Was it his own heart from the future? Half a point. It was in fact. What? That was Mark. Did you have something? Yeah. Did it say, see you later, defibrillator? Hey, seven. No, it was in fact that he was the one having a heart attack. What? Wow.
His wife dialed 999 and then sent the message to him to attend his own heart attack. After making a full recovery, Roger Flux told the local media, it proves that the system works. It is supposed to locate and alert the closest possible paramedic.
Question four. What did Dr. Ronny Jackson do to try and help President Trump? That'll never quite sound right, will it? To help President Trump's health. Buzz. Enrico. Give him a fresh new layer of orange paint. No. Buzz. Steve. Basically, he just told him to change everything. Every choice you make in your life, do it the other way. That will improve your health. That's good advice. It wasn't what he did. Anyone else? He suggested he needed more sun and he should go for a holiday in Mexico. Sorry. Yeah. Didn't he hide vegetables in his food? Yes, he did. Points to Mark. He hid vegetables, his food, and hid the ice cream.
One of his tricks was to sneak cauliflower into his mashed potato. God, is this man three years old? Yes. Yeah. That's an insult to all three-year-olds.
But sadly enough, when he went for his next doctor's appointment, he had gained four pounds. Oh, right. That brings us to the end of What the Fuck. It's over to Matthew to find out the scores and the pun count. Well, I'm not going to lie to you. There is a man wrestling with a satellite disc just in front of me. And I was watching him for a lot of it because it looks like it's about to fall and it could be quite funny. But I did manage to get enough out of what you're saying to see that the points are five and a half to the Red Pirates, in brackets, unless Danny disagrees, and five and a half to the Hanging Tables. Oh, is it five and a half all? Five and a half all. Oh, my God. It's so exciting. All right. So if I disagree, do I get an extra point? No, your team name is the Red Pirates, open brackets, unless Danny disagrees, those brackets. Oh.
It's a meatloaf song, I think. Oh, that's a shame. But if Danny disagrees on the points, it doesn't make any difference, presumably. Absolutely not. Oh, no. In fact, you might lose one. Okay, it's time to go to one of my favorite places. Let's go to Matthew Corner. I'm Dr. Tommy Givens. My area of expertise is Matthew. Matthew is intimate. Matthew is exotic. Matthew is mundane. Matthew is familiar. Matthew is stubborn at times or difficult. I have come to abolish Matthew.
Matthew, what have you got for us? On the theme of epidemics and viruses and death and all those lovely things, this round is called Silent But Deadly. I'm going to read out the names of some famous epidemics and you just have to list them in order of the percentage of the world's population they killed. This sounds perfect. Thank you very much. Who's going first? Is it individual or teams? I think by teams. Otherwise, we may be here for most of the day. All right. Let's have the first pandemic. Well, Antonine Plague. Antonine Plague. Pantomime Plague. Antonine in first century Rome. People turn into pantomime donkeys. Oh, no, they didn't.
You come out in buttons. If I give you two, if you can decide between you which one killed more and then that will get us through a little bit. I was going to say, yeah. Antonine Plague, first century AD or Black Death of the 13th century. Okay, pirates. Oh, oh, this is. Well, Steve, my feeling is, is how many buttons are there in the world, you know? How many buttons? Yeah, so. Yeah. How many buttons? Why does that, how does that happen? How many buttons? I'm thinking with a pantomime. You're still with a pantomime. Oh, okay. I was kidding. That's been very zen for a minute. I feel like there's a wishy-washy answer. We're behind you.
It feels like a trick question to me. Answer the question, Steve. How many buttons are there in the world? I would say it's probably the Antonine Plague because the Black Death we think of as the big one. But we probably just were less interested in the Romans. Oh, sorry, Steve. Are you calling it the Antonine Plague? I thought that was, I thought that's what it was. I don't think it actually is the pantomime plague. But as a bonus question, could I have a guess from you two at how many buttons you think there are in the world? Oh, well, I ate a packet this morning, so I'd say... There's a few less. There's a few less. There should be.
I'd say it's about 100 times three-quarters of the world's population. It's a good answer. It's a good, sensible answer. Yeah. Sorry. What was your answer to the Matthew question? Well, I think Steve said it was the Antonine Plague.
Yeah, Antonine. Yes, he did. It was actually the Black Death that killed more at nearly a quarter of the world's population. Oh. So not a trick question. No. The Antonine Plague only removed 0.039%. I think I'd say 0.03 people. Or is it just a man called Dave or his legs fell off? Yeah. So, of those then, let's take the Antonine Plague or the Ebola outbreak. Is this for a hanging tablet? Oh. I don't know. I like this kid, this Black Death kid. I think he's, you know, he's gonna, you know, he's got something, you know? So I'm gonna stick.
I suspect it's, you know, I got a good feeling out of it. Was that one of the options? It wasn't. I don't think it was. It wasn't, no. Glad you're paying attention. I think it's probably still the Antonine over the Ebola, but that's because I'm going alphabetical. Wait, wait, wait, wait. So the Black Death is no longer an option because it... No. Okay. Yeah. Did you say Antonine, Mark? Only by alphabetical choice. Not by any logic or experience. I quite like your method, except I am reading them out in alphabetical order rather than anything else. However, you are still right.
The Ebola outbreak only killed 11,800 people, which is 0.000001% of the population as of 2016. Wow. Okay. So... And then last one for anyone, Spanish flu of 1918 or swine flu of 2009. Buzz. Buzz. Steve and Danny. I think it's Spanish. Spanish flu. Yeah. Going for Spanish flu. Yeah. Hanging tablets. Do you want to go for the other one for the sake of making the quiz interesting? No, it's Spanish flu. It's just the right.
It's about the truth. Buzz is Black Death. Okay, yeah, well, for a tiebreaker, Spanish flu or Black Death? Ooh. Are they the big ones? Black Death. Black Death. Interesting. I think Black Death as well. I think it was a quarter or three quarters of the population. Yeah. Can I ask a question? Can you remind me how many people died of the Black Death? Weren't they like a party band in the early 80s? Yeah, yeah. Spanish flu? Black Death. Black Death. Black Death is reported to have killed about 115 million people, which for the population of the time is about 0.24%. Okay. I'm going to have to push you for a guess because Steve's about to run out of battery. Okay. Well, I've got 16%. I'm all right.
I think Black Death. In that case, take your time. Oh, no. In that case, can I push you for an answer for the sake of everybody's sanity?
I think it's Black Lace. Black Lace killed more people. Black Lace. Both of them are Black Lace. Matthew? Aga-chu. Aga-chu. They're all aga-dead now. Did you get that pun? Aga-chu. Black Lace. Aga-chu. It is Black Death that killed more. However, well, it didn't kill more. Spanish Flu was about the same number of deaths, but because the population was higher, it's only a third of the population. Well, there we go. Another stunning round. So who won that round, Matthew? I don't really care, to be honest, Chris. I don't think there's really any winners here, are there? Would you like to randomly award some points and we'll move on with the final round? Yes. So the Red Pirates have six and the Hanging Tables have 6.01, rounded to six. Lovely stuff. All right. It's time for the final round.
Chris. Jen. All right. This one is on the buzzers teams. If your buzzers are still working, if not, then just say the word buzz. I'm going to just reset everybody's buzzer. Oh, they already are. Okay. And everything's to play for because there's no points in it whatsoever. Question one. What is a virus? Mark, you've buzzed. It's a backwards serif. Very good. Enrico? It's obviously the nickname of John Malkovich's character in the 1997 Nicolas Cage classic, Con Air. That's right. Very good. Have a point for extreme cage knowledge. Anyone else? Yeah, yeah. What is a virus? No, it is in fact a small infectious agent that replicates only inside living cells of an organism. Question two. How many viruses are there in the world? Different types of virus are there in the world? Buzz. Oh, Mark.
Seven. One per continent. No.
Enrico? It's a trick question. It should be how many virus there are. Yeah, have a point. Have a point.
Buzz. Steve. It's 42. That's what Douglas Adams was on about. No, it's not that. I'm afraid it would be lovely if it was. Anyone else? Danny, do you want to guess? Danny. There is half of the population, whatever that number is. No, there are in fact 100,939,140. That sounds like half the population of the world to me. That's an estimate. I think there's more than 200 million people in the world. About 7.6 billion, I think. Yeah. Most of them are watching this. I think it's actually the same number of buttons. It's the same number as the number of buttons, actually. Yeah, retrospectively, Pete. Pete? Who's Pete?
Steve gets a point for there being exactly the same number of buttons and viruses in the world. Question three. What is the world record for being adrift at sea alone the longest? No one knows because they're still there, Buzz.
Yeah, Buzz. Anyone else? Steve. It's a seagull. He's just there the whole time. He's just scared of people. We are, I didn't specify, I have a point because I didn't specify humans. We're talking human beings. Ah, okay. But have a point. Danny. 73 weeks. Oh, shit. What's that in days? Oh, 73 times 7. Buzz. Hang on, I'm just doing some maths. 190 days. No. Oh, Danny, yours is definitely going to be wrong. 111 days. No, you're way off. Anyone else? God, Danny.
Why are you so rubbish? Okay, it was in fact 133 days. It was Stuart Poon Lim of Hong Kong, based in Hong Kong of the UK Merchant Navy. His ship, the SS Ben Le Monde, was torpedoed in the Atlantic on the 23rd of November 1942. And he was picked up by a Brazilian fishing boat in Brazil on the 5th of April 1943. And he was surprisingly good. He was able to walk. He'd just been on a little raft for 133 days. There you go. All right. Question four. Who is this? It's Matthew's impression. It's actually more of a what is this? Okay. What is that? Buzz. Steve. That is the human personification of phlegm. Is that right, Matthew? Well, I don't know. I was actually asking.
I don't know if I should go to a doctor with it. Danny, did you have any thoughts? Yes. That is the government's way of getting our attention away from Brexit. That was. Oh, okay. I was not thinking about Brexit for that. So I think that's right. Okay, there we go. Points for Danny. Question five. What does an apple a day do? Buzz. Zedrico. Fibre. It's a healthy digestion. Yes. Well done for being correct and not fucking funny. Danny. Well, it does whatever it wants because this is a freedom that apples have. They can be whoever they want and align with whoever they want to. That's very important. I have a point. Buzz. Enrico. It's bankruptcy.
If you're buying an apple product every day, then it will run out. Yes. Have two points. That's much better than what I've got written down. And I'm not going to read mine out now because yours is better. Question six. What did 310 people from Medical Solutions in Omaha do to celebrate International Nurses Week? Buzz. Steve. They all became nurses. No. Every single one of them. That would have been a much better thing to do. No. Anyone else? What crazy stunt did they do? The crazy stunt. They all feigned an injury so that they could support the nurses in work. No. That's a great idea.
Would nurses appreciate more fictional injuries clogging up their work day? They liquidized several nurses and created a medical solution and went to prison for a very long time. It was a terrible thing. To celebrate nursing. No. You'll be surprised to hear it was not that. It was in fact. They formed an extremely large letter R and letter N with their bodies and then photographed it from a drone. All right. Good. All right. As a visual question. Who is this? And for audio listeners, there is a picture of David Duchovny on the screen.
Anyone? Who is this? Yes. David Duchovny on the screen. Point for Danny. Well done. Question eight. What is Vic's VapoRub made from? Is it whatever got David Duchovny into those jeans? Quite possibly. That's a really good question. I've always wondered about this. Would you like to have a guess? Maybe a humorous one? Danny. Oh, Mark. No, it's Mark. What's that, Danny or Mark? It's me. Thanks for giving me more time to think of an answer. Is it those like cough sweets all crushed up and then liquidized and then put into a pot? No, it's not that. And then rubbed on the chest. Enrico.
I actually saw a documentary on this about this on Netflix. So they have these factories and it's children who are sleeping and they pump out the dreams that they dream. And they come in little jars and that's Vic's VapoRub. It's okay. It's like... The dreams of children. Yeah. Buzz. Steve. I think it is made from the earwax of people called Vic. Vic Reeves. Queen Victoria. There's probably more. My uncle Vic. You've run out of Vicks already.
Victor Meldrew. No. It isn't a fact. Camphor, eucalyptus oil, menthol, cedar leaf oil, nutmeg oil, petroleum, petrolatum. I've written down petrolatum. Is that a thing? Petrolatum, thymol and turpentine oil. Question nine. What is Seattle resident Naveena Shine doing to improve her health? Mark. Changing her name? No. Buzz. Steve. Is she calling up Dr. Fraser Crane and asking his advice about something? No. There is a clue in her name. Naveena Shine. She's polishing herself with leftover Vicks bottles. No, Mark. I was going to say she's polishing off all her vegetables.
No, she's in fact eating. Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz. Enrico, Enrico. I know this. I know this. Got an urgent buzz. So just like any Torchwood fan knows, Cardiff sits on a time rift, right? Seattle is the same. Now, in the 19th century, Seattle didn't have a proper sewage system. So I think that Naveena Shine is somehow preventing Seattle from slipping down into the past, into the late 19th century, when it didn't have a sewage system. And so she's not saving her own health. She's saving the whole city's health. That is true. But the question was, what's she doing to save her health? Everything you said was true, but that's not what we're looking for. It is a fact that she plans to live on light alone. She's not going to eat anything.
Dr. Ronald, for 100 days, Dr. Ronald Hoffman, medical director of the Hoffman Center and host of a weekly health talk podcast, said it was delusional to think that you can escape biology.
Question 10. Can you name your favorite home remedy for a sore throat? There's some famous ones of Danny. No, Mark. You mean getting one or relieving one? Let's have both. What's your favorite remedy for getting a sore throat? Carrot. And for relieving it? Another carrot.
Can I just tell you... Oh, sorry. No, Danny, you go. Danny. I did try this actually once. You chop up an onion and you put it in a tea towel and you hang it around your neck. Wow. Does that work? It did not work, but I tried it. What do you think's under that scarf? Steve?
Cheap whiskey is what I go for. Is that to get a sore throat or to get rid of one? All of it. Just all the time. Constantly. Just drink whiskey all of the time. Yes, Enrico. There are many ways one can get a sore throat. And I think one of them would be prevented by garlic, crucifix, potentially a kind of steak to keep on the table. That's more of a sort of external first sore throat, isn't it? Yeah. It's got a sore throat. It's the sore throat. I think points. And it leads to worse things. Like undeadness. Yeah. Undeath. Is it called undeath? Yes. All right. That brings us to the end of the quiz. What an exciting quiz it was.
Thank you to everybody for taking part and the various people who have astonishingly given up some time to watch this bullshit. Let's go over to Matthew and see what the final conclusion of this exciting challenge is. Matthew? Well, that was a very exciting last round. There were loads of points. The only problem is that there were loads of points from both teams. And so it is a dead heat at 12 points each. It's a dead heat. So nobody gets the cure for coronavirus. Matthew's going to keep that for himself. But you have the satisfaction of it being an honourable draw. Danny and Steve, any final thoughts before Steve runs out of battery? No. Nope.
I think when things get really tough, I'm going to come and steal one of Matt's guitars to fight off the hordes with. Take the sharp pointy one. Yeah, that looks like the good one. That's, yeah. Yeah, that sharp pointy one has a very sharp pointy bit on it. Yeah, yeah. I've screen grabbed that one. That's the one I'll be looking for. Are you going to attack them with a screen grab of a pointy thing? Well, no. So, you know, because I might have forgotten by then. So I'll need a picture of the guitar to identify which is the pointy one, probably. Yeah. Okay, good. Mark and Enrico, they're hanging, what tablets? How, any parting thoughts? Yeah. I'm going to ask for a refund on the virus that I put in Steve's phone. It didn't obviously work quick enough.
Still got 14%. Yeah. Enrico, do you think a draw is a true reflection of what's just happened?
I don't think so. No, no. I think that we should have won. Yeah. Yeah. That's how games work. I think you're probably right, to be honest. This has been fun. We're going to do more of these, I think. So keep an eye on the Idiot Wind Facebook page. Do all of the normal things. Go to idiotwindpodcast.com to see all of our previous episodes. Find us on Facebook and on Twitter. If you'd like to support this nonsense, we'd love that. You can go to patreon.com forward slash idiotwind and support us from as little as $1 per episode. Hope you're all having a lovely isolation. We'll be back with a non-virus and non-death related episode next week. So join us for that, for some true escapism and silliness.
But until then, thank you to Steve Keyworth, to Danny O'Hara, to Mark Womisley, to Enrico Cioni. Of course, to the delightful Matthew Haywood. I've been Chris Reed. See you next time when we, once again, play Idiot Wind.
Hey, it's me again. Thanks for listening. We appreciate it. We are live streaming some episodes throughout the coronavirus pandemic. Please check out Idiot Wind on Facebook for when they are there. Normally, Saturday afternoon is about 2 o'clock UK time, which is UTC plus 1.
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We'd be very grateful of that too. Thanks for listening. Stay well. And we'll see you again for another one of these soon. Pogface.
Pogface.