Transcript
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HOT FACE HOT FACE HOT FACE Welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome to Series 5 of Idiot Wind. I have just thrown my hands above my head and smelt my armpits and they're going straight down again. We are delighted to be back here.
Well, we've never been here before. We're in a new secret location in Norwich recording Series 5, which is very exciting. We've got a lovely view of a fence. Unfortunately, I have to look directly at Matthew, but more about him in a minute. This is Idiot Wind, the idiot-based podcast that celebrates idiocy, made for idiots by idiots. That's buzzing. Sorry, something was buzzing. It's not now. And we are going to explore the world of idiocy. Today, in this episode, we're going to explore the world of showbiz idiocy. I have two teams. Yes, ooh, indeed. I have two appropriately show-busy teams. Let's meet the teams who are playing today. First on my left is the delightful Danny O'Hara. Hello, Danny. Hello. How have you been? Good. It's been a long time. Yeah, how long? Oh, so long.
I feel like I've just been let out, and that can't be right. But you have, haven't you? The only reason we haven't been recording is because you've been in prison. Yes, I've been in prisoned, not in prison. What was your crime? Yeah. Being too nice? No, it wasn't that, let's face it. Eating too much chocolate when it should have come to the team. Give me the top thing that you've done since Series 4. Oh, top thing. Was that before our wedding? Shit, the bed. Didn't you get married? Let me think about it. Can't think. Was there anything? Nothing's happened. Oh, we got a van. Oh, so you've highlighted that we've got married in between, and then you've gone, oh, the van.
So, yeah, so Chris and I got into a civil partnership, but after that, we got a van. That's quite exciting. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's exciting. Oh, we got a dog. Oh, my God, so much has happened. Loads has happened. We're different people. Danny is team captain, and with her is somebody who you might remember from a Zoom Christmas edition. She is, as show busy as they come, she's a staple of the East Anglian stand-up scene. It's the delightful Anne Hurst. Anne, how are you? I'm very well, thank you. Thanks for having me. This is great. Yeah, it's lovely to have you here with our big pile of cables, and you are, since we
have last done this, you have become a, oh, fuck, words. Words are difficult, aren't they? Sorry, Marco, can you help? I've become a bit older. You've got a bit older? Yep. Ferret. You're certainly, sorry? Ferret? Feral? I'm trying to work out what you're trying to say. Ferret. You've become a ferret? Yeah, you've become a ferret. Yes, I became a ferret about three years ago now. And how is that going for you? It's great. I go up and down people's trouser legs. Yeah, can you just come back out of mine now, please?
And when I bite, I don't let go. Ow! It's interesting. I knew there's a reason why Matthew put you next to him. No, you've become a staple on the stand-up circuit. You are a stand-up of renown around these parts these days. And you have gigged in Norwich, like, probably hundreds of times by this point. Yeah, I feel like I live in Norwich. I spend more time in Norwich than I do anywhere else. Yeah. Yeah. And I live just down the road, and I haven't been to fucking see you yet. How poor is that? That's disgraceful. It is an absolute disgrace. That's an absolute disgrace. Yeah. But I hear it's going well. Yeah, apparently. No, it's great. I'm really having fun with all the other local comics. It's great. Nice. It's fun things. Lovely stuff. This is the team. We'll be back to get your team name and see your team. Actually, no, we do that now, don't we? I've forgotten how this works.
What is your team name for today's episode of Video Wind? Well, the great comedian over here, Anne and myself, are also in, what's the word? Recipitants of Allergic. Sufferers. Suffers. Okay, that didn't make a sentence, did it? I love it. Is that your team name? Well, we were, I was trying to say we were Recipitants of, of things that make us. A Recipitants. What? Recipitants. Recipitants. I like Recipitants. What is it? Recipients. Recipients. Of allergic bits that go into us and make us stream and have horrible allergies. And so we are called the Live Streamers. The Live. I love it. Thank you, Hay Fever. Yeah. Yeah, right. I'm sure you catch all kinds of things disappearing up people's trouser legs.
Okay, let's see who you're facing against. We have, of course, the cheeriest man in, no, sorry, that's a mistake on my, that's a mistake on my notes here. It's Mark. Hello, Mark. Hello. How are you? I'm good, ish. Happy?
Next question.
What's below happiness but still positive? Are you neutral? Alive. Okay, good. Pleased to hear it. Mark is alive. And what have you been up to since we last recorded this? Well, pretty much the same as you and Danny, except in the verse. I don't know. So, I got divorced. I lost a dog. Oh, shit. But I've had a van for ages.
And we're, okay, we're laughing, but we're laughing with you. But he's not laughing. It was a very happy event, one of them.
Well, the unfortunate thing is that people don't realise is that, and me and Danny have been in full knowledge of this, that every time we do something, the opposite happens to you. But what are we supposed to do? We can't stop living our life, can we? You ran over here, I presume. So, is this where all our money is? As I was eating my cornflakes this morning. Because that's what I'd like to talk about.
Yes, but apart from those things, I've been existing and stuff like that. Stuff like existing? Yes, positivity. Yeah, you are. It's not a word I like.
Showbiz, hey? Yes. There's no biz? No. Mike? Do you want to meet my team mate, partner? Have you grown tired of talking to me already? Well. We've got two more recordings after this, mate. When you came in the room. But yes, no. Anyway. All right. Who have you got? Well, I've got, and it's, is it your inaugural involvement in such a... It's my first time, yeah. Yeah. I was trying to build it up a bit. Yes, I've got Becky. Hi. Hello, Becky. What are you going to sing? What an intro from Mark there. How are you? It's lovely to have you here. I'm honoured, blessed to be here. I think you're quite showbiz. Yeah.
I think you're a face on the Norfolk showbiz scene. Yeah. I think you've had many faces over the years. I'm one of those famous for being famous type people. What's the... Just in Norfolk. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd say you're an influencer. You influenced me to stop drinking caffeine. Oh. That's quite influencing. Oh. How's that going for you? It's good, actually. It helps me sleep better. Apart from when I decide then I'm going to have some caffeine and then I don't sleep for a week. You had a coffee as soon as you got here. I have had one today, yeah. That's the thing. You have to... You can't just give up caffeine once. You can't just say, I'm not going to smoke today and then you start smoking the next day. Yeah, right, right, right. It's like anything else. This is great. Let's hear more about these 10 steps, Becky. Chris? I don't think there's any Jesus involved. Is there Jesus? Yeah, that's the whole point.
I thought you knew that. You swapped in Jesus for caffeine. Yeah. Ah, okay. That's why you've got a big banner saying Jesus for caffeine. Good. Lovely. Thank you so much, Becky. I'm so excited to have people here. Right. What's your team name? Well, Becky. What did we land on in the end? We went with your idea, which was B&M Bargain, and I added Bucket at the end. B&M Bargain Bucket. B&M Bargain Bucket. The most show-busy names of all show-busy names. Pizazz at the end as well. All right, let's go and meet the person who is here, just keeps turning up. Matthew, it's lovely to meet you. You're waving at me. Hi. On an audio recording. I know, I'm waving at you. This is, thank you for that, scintillating content as ever. How have you been? What have you been up to?
When was it? Like four or five years ago? Yeah, probably years. Talking pandemic. Had a good packet of crisps. Yeah, yeah. That's about it, actually. Flavour? Flavour? No. Really salted? Yeah, just plain. Just plain crisps. You know the salt and shake ones? Oh, my favourite. With nothing in it. With no salt? Yep, nothing at all. Just get rid of all of that, just eat just a crisp. And I had one of those, and now I'm here again. Lovely stuff. Hello. What a four years you have had.
Any thoughts before we start into this showbiz episode? How do you feel about showbiz? I don't think there is any biz like it. What do you think about, just pulling it random and other subjects, show people? Show people? I generally try and avoid any showbiz or people. Good. All right. I think we've got as much as we're going to get out of this introduction. Let's move on to round one.
Sort it out. Yes, round one is sort it out. Okay, teams. Can you name Raindance Festivals 10 Things You Should Never Do on a Film Set? It's the Raindance Festivals guidance for people new to the industry. Danny. You must not get the wrong person for the job. Now, I'm going to explain this because I don't know how much we've all been on a film set, but there's some strange, interesting names. For example, a runner. You don't have to be athletic. You don't have to have been in the team. It's not an athletic position. Oh, they don't run? Well, in theory, I think they do run if they're busy, but then we all run, don't we? So you could call an actor, a runner, if that's all it needs. I haven't run since 1996. Thank you, Danny.
Any other thoughts? I think it's probably frowned upon to schedule a colonoscopy happen in your trailer. But then how would you know? It's such a small camera. That happens, though. Yeah. They're busy people. I reckon it happens. Yeah. Because trailers are people's homes, aren't they? So people do all kinds. I've never had a colonoscopy in my home. Who's had a colonoscopy in their home? Can't say I've had a colonoscopy. I've not even had one in my bottle. No, I've not. I was going to say, I've not either.
Matthew, notably quiet. It is the best place to have one. Seriously speaking, though, I know we all laugh at it, but people do say that it's a good thing to do. I mean, we don't do it on the old NHS, but, you know. Just as a matter of course. At a certain age, to help your health. I think there's conflicting information about that. I think some stuff you should just leave well alone. I would find it interesting, but I'm like that. You'd take it home with you and sort through it. I've got a poster of anatomy, a human anatomy in my bedroom. It's the first thing I see when I wake up. I thought you were going to say, like, an anus. I thought you were going to have the poo chart they have at hospitals. Oh, the crystal stool chart. See, look what I'm saying. She knows the name of it.
I'm a carer. Oh, right. She cares. My life is poo. I understand. At home, when you come out, do you announce six? That's a bit like your cup of tea that you give me. I was going to have a totally different meaning from now on. Yeah, right. Dani orders her a cup of tea strength by a number. She orders it from you. Yeah, she does. She does. This is what I have to look at. On a neck. And she specifies the strength number, but actually it's probably the Bristol stool chart. Oh, no. Very lumpy tea. No. Anyone else? What shouldn't you do on a film set? Well, if you're going to have a loaded gun, make sure just little flags that pop out roll out and say bang. Yeah.
Although that can be quite harrowing, sometimes suddenly having to read the word bang. Yeah, get a little fright. Well, you see, I think they should have given him a trigger warning. Boom, boom. Oh, my Lord. I don't think you should say, um, I think you, no, it's not ideal to say last week was bring your child to work day, Leo.
I don't think you should, um, I just wanted to move on from that. I didn't actually have anything to say. But I don't, uh, you shouldn't, um, like fluff your lines on purpose. They, they find it really annoying, understandably, when you sort of try to do bloopers on purpose. I've heard. Yeah, sorry, do you just want to do that again? This is something for Matthew, actually. Um, um, with Matthew in mind, not for Matthew. Oh, all right. On set, you should not eat lunch before the tech and the crew. But Matthew might need to be fed before the cast. I was just, shout out to Matthew here, but you know what? Yeah, don't do that. No, I realise now that. I would actually quite like another pack of crisps. There we go. You had one in 2021.
Ah, fine. Okay, any more for any more? Um, you don't, apparently you don't need to make the sound of the lightsaber while you're doing it. And do an impression of a lightsaber. Oh yeah, what noise wouldn't you make? Yeah, you're not allowed to do this. That sounds like Land Cruiser. It's Formula One, do you reckon? No, no, Formula One is... Oh, that's it, hang on. I've got to do the thing. But what about when it first powers up?
Yeah. Isn't it more... It's a bit more crackly.
A bit more running out back. Isn't it that kind of thing?
That's a little bit like... Yours is a bit like the electric cars. So you've got one. Wand? That's how you spell it. Oh, it's a comic. No? Okay, alright, lovely stuff.
Let's go over to Matthew and see if anyone's scored any points. Well, the actual list is shout, run, ignore your radio, sit down, talk back. All of these things I've done, by the way. On film sets? No, just in general. Just in general. Interrupt the director when he's with actors. Interrupt the first AD. Touch things that aren't your department and let the actors look at the monitors. Which means, on that basis, nobody got any points. However, Becky gets a point for a colonoscopy. It's important to remind people to look after yourself, whether that is on a set or not. And Anne gets two points. One for the trigger warning joke. And for the lightsaber impressions, just because it made me smile. So that actually means that Anne and Danny are one point ahead. Two to one. Woo!
That means I gave them points by getting her to do them. Yeah, you set up the joke. You sacrificed your own team. I touched other people's departments. Did you? You're not allowed to do that after me too. We have points. Let's move on to round two. Which is the... Oh, sorry. I do also have the team name written down vertically because of the way that I've written my notes. And I wasn't sure when to stop. So it's B&M, Bargain Bucket, Pizazz. We didn't discuss this. We don't need the Pizazz. Yeah! I love it. And then just Recipe, ReCity. It's just a mess. And then it's allergic live streamers.
All right. Two points to one. Yes. Yes. Yes. Let's go on to round two. It's the Wheel of Things. Yes. Round two is the Wheel of Things. A different round each week. What are we going to have? Let's wheel out the big wheel. Matthew, can you wheel out the big wheel, please? This is a very thick cable. Are you sure I can pull this? Pull it. Okay. Oh! Ah! My God. That's a big wheel. Bloody hell. It gets bigger every year. Let's... Do you have enough strength left to spin it? I'll just hit it with my head. All right. Go for it. Oh, round and round it goes.
Well, unless I have concussion, it's pitch perfect. Oh, pitch perfect. What a brilliant game this is. What a fortuitous event that this has come up on the showbiz episode, because this is a showbiz round on the Wheel of Things. In this round, teams, I'm going to give you the name of genuine TV pilots that were not commissioned past the pilot stage, and you tell me what you think they might have been. Okay. I think it's fingers on buzzers for this, and let's start with Flock Stars. Flock Stars. Becky. I think that's... They're trying to find the next big shepherd.
Because, of course, the previous big shepherd was, um... We're not going to go into that again. Ben Shepard? Oh, right. Was it Ben Shepard? What were you thinking of? I thought you were going to do a Jesus thing again. Jesus joke. Yeah. Okay. Lovely stuff. Interesting. Any more ideas? Marco? I think it's to find the next big bird. Anne. Okay, so I'm thinking 70s wallpaper with flocking, and I think that it's to find the great British flock star, the best wallpaper designer of flocking. Wow, what a show that is going to be. Dani? Yeah, so I was also thinking possibly it's a flock. Anyone called flock? So it's flock.
The flocks of the world come together. Who the fuck's called flock? Well, that's what we'd find out, and they would be the stars of that show. Okay, I have a question for you. How many people have you met called flock? That is irrelevant. She doesn't have a show to find out. Okay, all right. I think this exactly tells us that we need this show. Find the flocks and make them stars. Maybe you could then start a sister TV program looking for their parents and call it Mother Flocker.
Mark? I think it's a show where they put lots of fresh tarmac on the road and lots of seed and worms and watch all the birds come down and get stuck on it. Flock tar. Flock stars. Very good. Lovely. Lovely to see you back in the groove of torturous wordplay. I think it's to find the world's most attractive sheep.
They are quite hot, a lot of them, aren't they? Is there another show called Flock Stars, The Rivals? Very good. Lovely. Lovely early 2000s reference, I think. Yeah, yeah. That was my era. It came after Flock Idol. Yeah.
I missed top of the flocks. All right. The actual answer is, and I think Becky, you might be in for some points here. I'll leave that to Matthew because he's, you know, in charge of all that shit. Matthew, wake up. Huh? What? It was, in fact, Celebrity Sheepdog Trials. No, of course it was. Hosted by Gabby Logan and featuring contestants such as Tony Blackburn and Leslie Joseph. It was just a pilot, never got commissioned for a series. Okay. The second pilot, genuine TV pilot that was never commissioned is called Higher Ground. Any ideas what Higher Ground might have been? Becky.
I've got three words for you. Okay. Competitive weed smoking.
I'm in. I'm all in. The reason it never got made is because they were waiting. For it to become legal, then it never became legal. Netflix will have that within the week, I would have thought. Do it in Colorado. No, it never got made because whoever had the idea totally forgot it by the time. Didn't get around to it.
It could go hand in hand with Is It Cake? Where the hungry weed smokers just go and eat everything. Yeah. Sometimes they go, I've just eaten a cake.
Anne, I believe you buzzed. Yeah, it was the next step up, really. It's baristas, but with cocaine.
Lovely. We're ramping up here. Where are we going to go next? Well, I was thinking more about a program where people get to take the higher moral ground, but whilst they're hiking in the higher ground of the world. And yeah. Nice. So people up Snowden going, saying things like, well, I'd never have a child out of wedlock. That kind of thing. Well, actually, now you gave an example. It's sounding quite judgmental. It doesn't sound like that.
I'd watch it. Yeah, I think it's going to do really well, actually. That's why it didn't get past the pilot, though. Well, because they went up Snowden. Yeah. Yeah. And Snowden's got a new name. Anybody know it? Snooplip. Is that you being respectful towards the Welsh language? Oh, is it a Welsh language? Yeah. I think it is. I was going to be... I don't know. I wasn't really thinking. No, you're a fluent... I'm just going to cut him up. Schnebleb. And then I'm going to go to the old Tolly-do before I chuck a lasagna in the poverty ping.
Then what is it? The make... I'm sorry, Dan. Is this you being respectful to the Welsh language? No, I'm being respectful to Nigella, who called it a... Microwave. Microwave. Chuck it in the microwave. Mark. Yes. What? You buzzed about 42 days ago. It's not that funny. It's another bar... I don't know if I can say it then. It's another auction-like programme where you bid on land rental. Yeah, that sounds quite plausible. There's so many programmes like that anyway. You hire round. And what, put it to moral use? There's no moral. There's no moral. You added that.
We're immoral. Lovely stuff. Do you know what, though? That'd be quite interesting. High ground. My morale's going. A barrister. Ground. I just got it. Yeah. It's a... Thank you. Do you know it's a grower? A coffee ground.
Anne, did you buzz again? I did. I did. Just for clarity.
Tallest sandcastle. Yep. Concise. I love your concise delivery there. My pitches are very concise. Becky, did you have anything? No, I was making another Jesus reference. Probably wind. Okay, it was in fact... Now I got onto that. This episode is sponsored by Jesus. And the Welsh. Do check out all of his sexy underwear at jesuskex.com. All right. It was in fact a... The folk... Folk artist? Poor man's Neil Leung, I've always thought of him. John Denver starred as a tough cop. A gritty cop who sings. That was higher ground. The next one is Naked Jungle. Naked Jungle. Becky. You know that program Naked and Afraid?
No. There's a program called Naked and Afraid where you're naked and you're like in the wilderness and you have to... I was at a dream.
How do I have that dream? I've not seen it, but I've heard of it. No, you've not seen my dreams, obviously. Well, no. Sorry. Have you seen his dreams? Maybe. I didn't want to tell you that I had that power. I didn't want to freak you out, but... Sorry, I'm interrupting my own team. Carry on. This is going to be really good. Oh, yeah. So you're naked and you're in the jungle and you have to survive and find clothes and shelter and food. But because Naked and Afraid already existed, that's why it didn't become a real TV show. Okay, lovely. Thank you. This was actually the pitch for this show. It's Strip Twister with Ant and Dec.
What a horrible mental image. Yeah. They're the only ones that play it. But that's... Oh, God. But even that image is too much. They always have to be on the right side of each other. How does that work? They can't ever go over... No, well, this is it. This is what makes the... They just stick to their own lanes. It's a jungle of limbs. Jungle of limbs. Geordie limbs. Now that... Jungle of... It was going to be called Geordie limbs. But... Okay, good. Anything else? Well, I was thinking more of a naked jungle. So we... Actually, the jungle is naked. Oh, I see. Yeah. As opposed to your traditionally clothed jungle. So Brazil, basically. Well...
So just, you know, going back to the roots of the jungle. So just all the soil take away and just showing their roots. Anything else? Anyone else? I have two words for you. Oh, do we have to buzz to? Mark. Shaved chimpanzees. There we go. Similar thing to Danny. It's another dream.
This was, in fact, a Channel 5 naturist game show hosted by a naked Keith Chegwin. Oh. You can find it on YouTube if you want to watch that. He apparently... No, I don't want to watch that. Thanks. I'm going to Google naked Keith Chegwin straight away. Apparently, he wasn't supposed to be naked and he just offered to be naked. It was only the contestants that were going to be naked. And he said, well, if they are, then I might as well host it naked. When in Rome. Yeah, exactly. Okay, next one. Baffled. Danny. Okay, this actually sounds like a fantastic show because what we do is you put people into a show and you say you're in a show, you're going to win some money. We just don't tell them what the rules are, but we don't tell the audience what the rules are either. I think people would just be tuning in and trying to work that out
and then somebody just wins. Nobody knows why. Are there any rules? Well, no. Because there's no reason. There's nothing. There's nothing. They're just told, come on, win some money on a show. I swear people would join that. Sounds like a bit like this podcast. Yeah, it just sounds exactly like Idiot with a purpose, I suppose.
Well, the reason that it didn't go beyond the pilot is because it's about the most rubbish detective. It's a TV drama. And it was, I think it was commissioned by Val McDermott, who's normally a very good writer. But, yeah, she just kind of lost the plot quite literally. And so the detective just basically couldn't work it out. It's just baffled. Yeah. All the time she walks around confused, like Columbo without brilliance. A bit like Columbo, yeah. Too much like Columbo, except just couldn't, didn't get there in the end. Doesn't have a clue. I think that's a genius idea. Because everyone will think it's like, oh, another amazing detective is going to work stuff out. And then they're just shit. Yeah. And lots of criminals go on committing murders because they're not caught. Yeah. Yeah. And then when he gets asked, you know, how's it going? He's like, well, I don't know. I don't know.
I haven't got a clue. What are you asking me for? I don't want to be a detective. I walked in trying to get a colonoscopy. You do it then. You do it then. Yeah. So. All right, lovely. Anyone else for baffled? I'm, funnily enough, don't know. I'm quite confused. I'm startled. Okay, this was, in fact, a supernatural thriller starring Leonard Nimoy.
Nimoy played Tom Kovac, a suave race car driver, who starts seeing grim visions of a tragedy in England. Upon arriving in England, he stops an innkeeper from stealing an actress's youth and fights a ghost. How do you steal an actress's youth? I don't know. Is that a euphemism? But is that any less senseless than Snowden? Snakes on plane. Snakes on plane. Snakes on plane. Snakes on plane. Well, at least you knew what you were getting. Yeah. Ferrets up trousers. I saw something on the YouTube. Yeah. Where a long person was saying, now, why is it that it's snakes on plane and not snakes in plane? Because you're on a plane. Because if you're on transport
and you can move about, then you're on it. I didn't know that. If you can only get in and you can't move, you're in your car, you're not on your car, you're on the plane. You're on a cruise ship. And you're on a bus. You're on a bus. You're on a bus. What's the difference then? Because you can get up and move around, so you're on it, moving. No, but you're on a bike. You're moving. Can't get up and move around. No, I get in my bike. I have seen her. She does. I'm in my wheelchair. Yeah. Are you? Yeah. I'm in my skin. And our final one of this round is quickfire balls. Quickfire balls. Becky? So there's two contestants. They're outside a volcano.
They're being given trivia questions. If they get a question right, they get to move forward. You have to move forward enough before the fiery balls come and get you. I love it. Commissioned. Anyone else? Marco? It's Ed, and he's currently one of the Norwich City directors. He gets made manager for one game and one game only. Nice. Anne? It is another detective show. This time featuring Johnny Ball and Zoe Ball as detectives. And they are so unbelievably clever. And that's it. Love it. Oh, I want to watch that. Danny? Well, you've had, is it a cake? Yeah. You've had the big steak show.
You've had the big chilli show. But have you had the big cheese balls show? No. But that's what this was. This was all about quickfire cheese balls. And how many different cheese balls you could eat, how many you could get in your mouth, could you eat the spicy ones, could you not eat the spicy ones, and how yellowy your mouth could get. It is, it was in fact a quickfire bingo based game show. Of course it was. All right, what are the scores? We're currently four and a half for Becky and Mark, a very long team name, and four for Danny and me. Oh, how exciting. Not very, but we'll move on anyway to what the, what the fuck. Might be that.
Yes, round, whatever the number it is, is called what the, what the fuck. And this is Fingers on Buzzard Teams. I'm going to ask you a series of things, the questions, fuck words. I'm going to, hello.
Can somebody reset Chris, please? Sorry, did I, I need to put a paper clip in the back of your neck. Yeah, that's okay, because I flipped out, but you, when I came back in, you were like that, and I was like, what's happened? What have I missed? What happens when you leave me, Danny? Okay, what, the round, four, three. We're only on round three? Shit, they're bad. How many rounds are there? A hundred. Round three is what the, what the fuck.
Round three is what the, what the fuck. It's Fingers on Buzzard Teams, because I am going to read you some questions about showbiz, fuckwittery from around the world and throughout time. And here, and yeah, you have to answer them. Obviously, it's a question. Okay, here we go. Question one, due to a translation cock up, what did the French marketing material say for the Barbie movie tagline, she's everything, he's just Ken? Mark? She has genitals, he does not.
No. Any more guesses? Becky? Was it something like he's a slut or something like that? Oh, that's pretty close. It was in fact, she can do anything, he just knows how to fuck. So, Becky gets some amount of points there. Question two. How is that translated? I don't know, we haven't got time. Question two. Why did a robot on Robot Wars suddenly wake up and stab the floor manager in the foot? Danny? Because Dave the Grip programmed him to do it earlier because the floor manager's an arse. No, it wasn't. And? Because someone called him a dustbin. No, it wasn't that. It was in fact because it unfortunately shared the same frequency as a local taxi firm.
What? Sorry, what the taxi firm was saying? Stab, stab. No, I mean, it was just sending signals that the robot interpreted as instructions, commands. It wasn't like, it didn't listen to the language and go and pick someone up from Sleaford Lane. So what you're saying is the robot hurt someone with a knife because it got the wrong signal from a taxi firm up the road. We've all been there. Well, there's nothing to worry about the future then, is there? Is it a sleeper cell? That was Becky's, that was Becky's defence in court. All they said was I'll be there in five minutes. Question four, what was fishy about a sci-fi cable channel launch in South Carolina in 1994? Mmm. Danny. Um, it was,
it was fishy because it was actually launched in, um, the fish masses of the fish in the, sorry, can I say that again? It was fishy because it was marsh, it, you can't, you can't say it again. It was fishy because it was launched in the marshes of South Carolina and there were fish in the marshes. It's not right. Can you say the question again? It's really complicated. What was fishy about a sci-fi cable channel launch in South Carolina in 1994?
Uh, everyone. South Carolina didn't exist in 1994. It was just Carolina. Carolina. Uh-huh. Sorry. And? I just heard what was fishy about a certain, it was an eel. The cable was an eel. Ah, that's a moray. No. Marco? I didn't buzz. No. Maybe you should have done it. I've got nothing. Okay. It was in fact in the 48 hours before the channel launched they pointed a camera at a fish tank. When the channel launched they got so many complaints about the fish channel going off that they reinstated it on its own channel which then consistently got higher ratings than the actual channel they were launching. Can you repeat the answer because it's complicated. It's complicated, isn't it? So let's go, let's do the question again. What was fishy about a sci-fi cable channel
launch in South Carolina in 1994? The answer is in the 48 hours before the channel launch they pointed a camera at a fish tank just for like oh we might as well do that. When the channel, when the actual sci-fi channel launched they got lots of complaints saying where have the fish gone? Saying where have the fish gone? And so they put another channel up looking at the fish tank and that ended up getting more viewers than the sci-fi channel that they launched. I love that. That's like Oh it's a lot of effort for it. I think we'll cut that probably. I love a question that has such a long answer to break it down. Everyone's staring at you.
Let's move on. Maybe you've got Matthew if you didn't bring Matthew feel free to grab Matthew Matthew Matthew Matthew Matthew Matthew Matthew over to you mate. This is a really really simple round. I think even you lot can actually get some points here. It is just a simple guess the actor. I will play a clip an audio clip obviously because it's a recorded podcast and playing a visual clip would be a little bit pointless. So just an audio clip from a famous actor from a famous film and you just have to tell me who it is. Couldn't be easier. So we're just going to go straight in with clip one.
So who was that?
It was nothing. Did I not make it clear that these are all silent films? Oh. Oh well in that case can I think it's Douglas Fairback? The lad with the clock. No I just thought it was going to be easier to get rid of the distracting music. So they're definitely silent films because I thought it was the pause after Luke Skywalker finds out that Darth Vader's his dad. Sorry. They're definitely silent films. I have played the film. The short pause. This is perfectly simple. It's just guessing the actor from a clip of a film. I don't see why this is so hard.
That was my silent answer.
I just don't think you're taking this very seriously. Buster Keaton. Yes it was Mark. At least somebody's playing games properly. Thanks. It's not hard. Right. Learn from Mark's example please. I'll put the music back in then since you're clearly struggling so much. Thank you. So who's this?
The lad with the clock.
It was Charlie Chaplin in that film that he was in. Is that your answer? Yes. The film? No it wasn't. Sorry. Greta Garbo. No. Just because no one is that a Thunberg. Oh no. Again we're taking this seriously Chris. Oh sorry. Regretting this game. Can you not tell that was Lon Chaney in The Phantom of the Opera 1926? Yes that was. Next.
Uncle Trev's ice cream van. I don't know why you're not taking this more seriously. It's my ring doorbell. No. No. You even said it earlier it was Greta Garbo in Flesh and the Devil. Yeah she's my ring doorbell. And your ringtone. Can we have independent validation as to whether Greta Garbo is indeed Danny's ringtone? Yes she is. Okay that's a point. There was one more but it's struggling to load. Let me try and get that again. That's a shame because this is a cracking man. I know he's a brilliant. I'll just give her this one. This one I'll do. This one I'll do. It doesn't matter. It's good. I can literally play anything.
Missed it.
Oh.
Oh I think I know what this is. That's the Marx Brothers. No. Marx Brothers in We Are the Marx Brothers. That's not my brothers. No sorry. Marx Brothers. That's not Marx Brothers they were not in a silent film. Is it Nasseratu? Good guess. Other than the fact it's completely wrong.
I think it's modern times. Charlie Chaplin. Is it? Chris has got a point. Yes. I watched that a couple of weeks ago it was amazing. Matthew is actually really unhappy that Chris got that. I know he's disgusted. Well I shouldn't I'm not playing am I so I should shut the fuck up. Yeah. Get it out post-production. No it's fine I mean it was a perfectly simple round and you all ruined it but I'm still making notes of the points. Anyway Did I get a point? Minus ten to Chris for ruining it. Good. Well another another lovely successful Matthew Corner. Thank you. Matthew could you maybe if you're still speaking to any of us could you give us the points? Yes of course. We have five and a half for somebody who's just descended into allergic reactions in the sofa
and seven and a half for the B&M Bargit Bucket Pizazz we didn't discuss this we don't need the Pizazz actually I think we probably do need the Pizazz no we definitely don't need the Pizazz we've got the B&M Bargit Bucket what's even in this bucket? So yeah seven and a half today. Matt I think you missed the point did I? Yeah what was the point of that last round?
Everything to play for us we're going to the final round which is quick fire questions not quick balls Jen Jen Jen Jen Jen Jen okay teams fingers on buzzers for the final round ten points are up for grabs here all right off we go how much did a 30 second advert in the Super Bowl cost in 2024? Becky? £30 one for each second is not correct you innocent naive person and four billion pounds dollars to no the unit of currency wasn't the issue there Mark? Can I just clarify you said fingers on buzzers but I'm using my thumb is that still valid? No one minus one point Danny? 1.3 million and
a bag of cheesy cheese puffs okay no it wasn't it was seven million dollars it's question two how much also about money question two how much did the BBC license fee cost when it was introduced in 1923? Danny? 11 pence no 10 shillings yes really? 10 shillings amazing I think Becky should get like you know seven points for that amazing question three who was nearly decapitated whilst filming robot wars? Becky? Mary Antoinette no no she wasn't in that day Marco? Craig Charles no Wally Wally who? Wally no the thing you said earlier about with the taxi and the that guy no it wasn't that guy it was in fact Jeremy Clarkson question four who is
question four who is this? no can you just try that again please? who was that? that was Matthew's impression Danny? Boris Johnson no Stanley Kubrick when they were filming the moon landing no no that's just silly sorry minus points for that heresy you can't decide who gets points she's a fucking flat earther Matthew no the earth is round but they faked the moon landing get it right Anne did you buzz? yeah I forgot no okay Steven Spielberg you forgot you buzzed no Marco it's Charlie State from this breakfast TV thingy no of course Danny again Prince Andrew no
most showbiz of all people no it was actually a local theatre director from St Albans that I met once I can't actually remember their name okay thank you question six what iconic moment was tattoo artist John Arton asked to ink onto a customer Mark location of a black hole showbiz in Hollywood were you referring to this person's rectum is that where you were going with that no okay Becky the bit on bake off where the ice cream got melted for the base fake Alaska he put it in the bin that was pretty good Alaska gate no just his face looking so sad no it wasn't that Anne when the horse pooed on blue peter no it was an elephant
yes I'm from the north I'll tell you it was rubbish I don't know why I feel the need to correct people please feel sorry for Danny O'Hara who has to live with this what is an elephant if not a horse with a really long nose that's a good point give Anne a point anyone else want to guess at this tattoo Danny I forgot what the question is it doesn't matter it was Will Smith slapping Chris Rock what a tattoo that would be question seven what is the worst Adam Sandler film Danny nearly all of them yes Becky I was going to say Hitch but he wasn't in it that's why it was so bad he wasn't in it the water boy no it's in fact the cobbler question eight how swift is Taylor Swift Anne she's terribly
slow she is indeed her era show is three hours fifteen minutes point for Anne question nine when Ari Aragrande thought she had the title of her hit single seven rings tattooed in Japanese on her hand what in fact did it say mark soup no Danny bam and bam bam bam bam as they call you do they that's rude yeah it is I'll cut that out thank you Anne would be better oh Chris Rock that would be much better no no it's not Chris Rock no Becky I'm overrated okay yeah we can deal with that later do you have an answer to the question Danny I didn't ring Anne
make America great again no no it did in fact does in fact say small charcoal grill and question 10 the final question of the whole damn quiz Kirstie Alley tweeted you had a good go at it thanks for your input after the death of who you had a good go at it thanks for your input words from Kirstie Alley about who upon their death Mark Ted Danton no he's still alive I know but it could all be mistakes couldn't yeah I know the queen no that would have been awesome Mark Leonard Nimoy no any more guesses Becky it was not
Keith Jegwin Danny her mother no Leica the dog that went to space no Mark her gynecologist her colon oscropologist that's the one who gets out of chains and things he squeaks he goes in there to have a look and have to escape out no Kirstie Alley in fact tweeted you had a good go at it thanks for your input after the death of Stephen Hawking wow I'm speechless that's right up there when she tried to tell everyone that British people were smelly because they put their washing machine in the kitchen yeah who is Kirstie Alley she was in cheers and look who's
talking she's dead now so just don't speak she's in cheers okay I take it back that wasn't Kirstie Alley who mentioned about the washing machine that was the other Kirstie Kirstie Kirstie Kirstie Kirstie Kirstie Kirstie at the end of that at the end of that quick fire round has brought us to an exciting climax of the quiz we're just going to pause while Danny is you're good that brings us to the end of the whole damn quiz there's only the one thing left to do and that's go over to Matthew and see who has won Matthew what are the final scores everybody's on the edge of their seat mostly because they're waiting to leave still on seven and a half is the B&M bargain bucket which actually I think it's probably not even from B&M it doesn't have a logo on it but winning with eight points
is a big sneezy mess over on my right hand side of the live streamers lovely stuff you have been listening to Idiot Wind and on my left Danny O'Hara Danny do you have anything that you would like to publicize tell the world about no lovely and do you have anything that you would like to direct people towards whether maybe it's your social media your yeah come and find me on Instagram and Hearst writes and stuff and Hearst writes and stuff lovely stuff thank you very much for being here Becky do you have anything you'd like to tell the world about I'm really enjoying the tulips at the moment lovely Marco yes a disclaimer I have nothing to do with this show whatsoever Matthew do you have anything
that you'd like to point people towards maybe your YouTube channel that helps people sleep no other than I'm thinking of trying playing hula hoops soon I am on the internet but I'm going to let people find me through the natural causes of star formations thank you so much before we go this has been Idiot Wind I hope you haven't noticed that we're a little bit rusty because we haven't done this for a while but it's been a lovely showbiz episode we are very proud to be part of the pod face podcast network you can find more about that at podface.co before we go Matthew would you like to close this episode with a piece of your infinite wisdom and another another one from the silent film I'll go there all right this has been Idiot Wind see you next
time the theme music the theme music is yes I do by the Melvins this has been a pod face production pod face pod face