Join Chris, Matthew and the Gang as they journey through idiocy in the world of competitions.
Featuring:
Chris Read
Matthew Hayward
Danny O'Hara
Ed Bond
Steve Keyworth
Transcript
DownloadMachine-made, so expect the odd mishearing. Hit a timestamp to jump the player there.
HOT FACE It's in your way!
Welcome to Idiot Wind. We are delighted to be back with you here for the panel show podcast that celebrates the world of idiocy. Today we are looking at idiots in competitions and contests. And I'm delighted to be surrounded by a beautiful bunch of idiots and a dog that's about to bark.
Nope, she's decided against it. And today we're having an individuals round. So instead of the teams, we have three individual players who are going to play this wonderful game. To my left is the delightful Steve Keyworth. Steve, hello! Hello! Good afternoon or morning or evening, depending on when you're listening to this. Could be the middle of the night. Yeah. Right. Do you have any words for anybody who is struggling to sleep and listening to this in the middle of the night? No! I didn't sleep at all in August. I was atrociously ill and I watched too much Stranger Things and hallucinated a lot. So I don't do that. Don't watch Stranger Things Series 4. It'll really get into your head. Oh, that's a good one. The new one's coming soon, isn't it? It is. Yeah, it's exciting times. How are you? Are you? No, I've talked to you enough.
And sitting next to you is Ed. Hello! Hello, Ed. Lovely to have you back on Idiot Wind. Yeah, good to be back. How have you been? I've been good. Yeah, have you been up to anything exciting? Anything exciting? Yeah. No, not really. Life is quite boring. Oh, well, then hopefully we can change that this afternoon. Oh, yeah. Although I wouldn't bet on it. Have you... How do you... What's your relationship with competitions and contests? Like, are you a lucky guy? No. No. I mostly lose. Have you ever... What was the last competition you entered? Can you remember entering a competition or a contest?
I nearly ran a 10K. Oh. But then I didn't enter. Okay. So there's always next year. You thought about doing the Norwich 10K. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. Nice. Any other competitions that you actually did enter? You're just not a competition man. No. That's fair enough. I'm just... I'm not a winner, but... Oh, mate, you're a winner. Maybe today that will change. You're a winner to us. And our third player playing today is the delightful Danny O'Hara. Hello. Hello. How are you? Yeah, really good. Thank you. Good. Have you... You must have entered competitions.
I did some competitions. The one that's jumping to mind is the...
Legs 11 competition. Legs 11? Nobbly knees? No, no. Legs 11. It was nobbly knees for grannies and legs 11. Sorry, I wasn't suggesting you have nobbly knees. You have delightful knees. A campsite. You know, when you go to these campsites. But it was back in the 80s. What did you have to do with your legs for the Legs 11 competition? Yeah, it's not a good thing to talk about. You just had to show off the moth in a pair of tights. When you were a child? I was... No. I mean... Because it's like a children's thing. No, I was about 15. It sounds a bit pedagogy. I don't like it. Which makes it even worse. Okay.
Yeah. Shall we move on? Yeah. Only one thing remains before we get going on our quiz today, and that is to meet the delightful Matthew. Hello, Matthew. Hello, Chris. How are you doing, mate? I am doing very well. I have been preparing for the grandest giveaway that I have ever seen. Oh, wow. That's exciting. So I've been meticulously doing the maths, working out the odds, recalculating them, double-checking them. Yeah? Yeah, it's all good. What? So what's the... What is it? I don't... What do you mean? What do you mean? What is the thing you're entering? Oh, you misunderstood. I'm the prize. I've entered a giveaway. So some lucky lady or man or squirrel or Luna the dog next to me is going to win me for an hour. Are you... Is that the prize for today? For one of these three?
You're going to get Matthew for an hour? So far, I have an app telling me how many people have bought tickets to my giveaway, and so far, nobody has. Oh. So maybe, in lieu of that, yes, the winner could win me for an hour. Well, do you know what? I need my toilet clean, so maybe I'll buy a ticket. Well, I'll look forward to that. All right. It's time for round one.
Sort it out. Yes, round one is sorted out. I'm going to give you a conundrum or a thing or a something, and you guys are going to have to sort it out. And the question this week is, Chicago Spirit Jepson's Malort has such a unique and interesting taste. In fact, they lean into this by stating on the bottle that only one in 49 people enjoy drinking it. They had a slogan competition in 2013. Can you guys guess any of the eight winning slogans? Well, I have got one. Well, I'd love to hear it. Only a real man drinks this. Yeah, right. Okay. What about doesn't taste as bad as it looks? Okay. Yeah. That's good.
Ever wondered what your dog's intestines taste like? This is the drink for you.
Alcohol never tastes good. So why not make it taste worse? I thought you were, are you not a fan of alcohol? I like alcohol, but do I like the taste? Yeah. So it's interesting, isn't it? You sort of have to, I remember when I started drinking beer, you have to sort of like go through the pain barrier. You have to convince yourself. Yeah. You have to like gaslight yourself until you like it. Did you find that? I drank a lot of, I'm saying this aloud and I'm recording a lot of Thunderbird when I was 17 and 18 and going to indie clubs. No. What is it? It is. It's a puppet. You drank puppets. It's an extra alcoholic pair of wine. Okay. And there's two versions. There's grim and there's really, really grim. And it was different colours. Steve, you're so posh. Pair of wine.
And I used to sit, me and my friend James Dean, who was a real person, very hard to find him on the internet now. Yeah. Because there's some other guy. Yeah. Anyway, but we used to sit behind the statue of Robin Hood at Nottingham Castle and drink Thunderbird. It does sound very civilised, doesn't it? Yeah. I bet you got so drunk sometimes you lost your monocle. I thought as well you had pears on your shirt, but I think maybe they're lemons. Oh, they're lemons. Lemons. Lemons. You're such a fruity, you're such a fruity man, Steve. It's the phrase, when life gives you lemons, put it on a shirt and wear it to a podcast. Yeah. Any other? I have, so not quite white spirit, but strips your stomach lining just the same. Perfect morning after drink. Lovely. What about just, we dare you? Yeah.
Let's go over to Matthew to see if anyone has scored any points. Well, the short answer is no. Nah. What I would like to do though is read these out. If I can do one and then Chris does one. Oh yeah. Okay. I think this will get across how fantastic these slogans are. Malort, kick your mouth in the balls. Malort, when you need to unfriend someone in person. Malort, tonight's the night you fight your dad. Malort, the champagne of pain. Malort, turning taste buds into taste foes for generations. Drink Malort. It's easier than telling people you have nothing to live for. Malort, what soap washes its mouth out with. Malort, these pants aren't going to shit themselves.
So at the end of that fantastic round, Steve has one point and nobody else has anything. Yay. Lovely stuff. It's time for round two.
Yes, round two is what the what the fuck. Fingers on buzzers teams. Oh, we haven't got buzzers. Let's go out and get people's buzzers. Steve's, Steve's, Steve's, what is yours buzzers? Steve, Steve, Steve's. Steve's. That's what I'm going to say. Steve, Steve, Steve. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Steve, Steve, Steve. Yeah, I like it. I'm regretting that. Ed's, what's your buzzer? Danny's. Luna. Okay, lovely stuff. Here we go with question one. The second ever Tour de France in 1904 descended into chaos, leading to the first Tour finishes. The first what, Buck? Question one. The second ever Tour de France in 1904 descended into chaos, leading to the first four finishes being disqualified. Can you tell me any of the incidents that occurred? Luna. Danny. They came in a cardigan and not a sweater.
No. A jumper. What is that thing? The jersey. The jersey. No, it wasn't that. Steve, Steve, Steve. Steve. One of them invented the car.
Some maybe fraction of a point. I'll leave that to Matthew. Luna. Danny. They had some kind of device on their bikes. It wasn't just pedal power. No. Any more guesses? Steve, Steve, Steve. Steve. No one likes cyclists. It's that. Is that just a personal opinion? Yeah. Sorry, I'm just sharing that. We do not like cyclists. Yeah. Oh, they got an Uber to the finish. Why not? Half a point. Oh. The answer is that nine riders were disqualified for the use of cars or trains. And crowd members attacked riders with sticks and put nails and broken glass in the road. Wow. It was lethal. It was absolute chaos.
The first four finishes were disqualified for various things. Yeah, it was absolute chaos. Okay. Question two. What was chilling about the Dutch version of Deal or No Deal? Steve, Steve, Steve. Steve. It was Luna on your bed. On your bed, in the garden, or you're going in the van. Steve. Was it No Deal or No Deal? No one. No one won at all. Luna. Danny. They also had Noel Edmonds presenting it. No, they did not. Although that would be chilling. Steve, Steve, Steve. Steve. Gwyneth Paltrow's head was in one of the boxes.
Ed. There were, like, negative numbers, so the contestants had to pay the production company. No. It was, in fact, they made contestants stand in ice water while they played. Such was the player's desire to win. Two developed hypothermia while on air, but kept playing till the end. Question three. What do competitors have to do in the annual World Bog Snorkeling Championships? Steve, Steve, Steve. Steve. I really want to say snorkel a bar. It's a toilet-based thing. I just watched the Poop Cruise documentary last night. Oh, yeah, we watched that. It's got to be a toilet thing. Yeah, yeah, that's incredible.
No, nothing to do with toilets. Can you answer the question again? What do competitors have to do in the annual World Bog Snorkeling Championships?
Luna. Danny. They have to take on a costume and be something like Stig of the Bog. No. It's not called Stig of the Bog, is it? I mean, there are elements of apparel, so, I mean, maybe you get half a point in that. Depends what side of the bed Matthew got out of or into. I mean, he's in bed currently. So, when he wakes up, we'll see what happens. Any other thoughts? Bog Snorkeling. Lou. Ed? Get Lou Roll. Lou Roll.
Like a massive pool of it, and they have to just try and dive within the Lou Roll. It's not that. It sounds amazing. I would like to do that. They, in fact, just had to swim two lengths of a 60-yard trench cut through a peak bog. And you're not allowed to use conventional swimming strokes, so you have to improvise new swimming strokes whilst swimming through peats. So, what? You can just sort of crawl and pretend that that is... Yeah, I don't know. Just wait till you see round three.
Question four. What unusual thing happened in the Bulgarian lottery in 2009? Luna. Danny. It was held in Hungary. It was not held in Hungary. Steve, Steve, Steve. They pulled out a letter instead. Just like, yeah, a letter B. The letter B came out. It surprised everyone. That would be surprising. It's not the case here. Luna, Luna. Danny. Somebody. They pulled out, will you marry me for somebody. Oh, that would be so lovely. Yeah. And also awful. It would question the integrity of the draw. Yes, it really would. Yeah. Ed? Everyone had exactly the same numbers.
No, I mean, no, no. Luna. Danny. I was on, I almost, I flirted with giving you half a point there. Oh, yeah, that'd be good. But I decided against it. Oh, would you like half a point? Oh, yeah. Oh, Matt, give him half a point. Look at his little face. Danny. They picked, they, they, every number was the same. What do you mean? Well, when, when all the numbers, is it like the ball shoots up the thing and comes out? Yeah. Every number was the same. They pulled out the same number six times? Yeah. No. Which would make it very dubious. Yeah, it would make it very dubious. Steve, Steve, Steve. Steve. They suffered from dizzying inflation and all the numbers had 10 digits to them. And the, the show took a long time. Massive balls. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Luna. Danny.
There was a tariff board and they pulled out the numbers and accordingly made decisions that made no difference. This is how Trump comes up with most of his policy decisions, isn't it? Just by pulling balls out of his fucking anus. Sorry. That would probably cut that.
It was, in fact, that the same numbers were drawn two weeks in a row. There was an investigation into foul play, but none was found. And in the end, it was just decided it was a four million to one unlikely event. Oh my gosh. Did people who had like, because some people get the same number each week, don't they? Did they then win twice? That's a great question. And I so wish that I had the answer to that. Or do you think they won some money and then thought, we don't need to do it anymore? And then didn't play. Oh no. But if they'd already won, like, would you, if you'd won 10 million, would you be sad about not winning a second 10 million? I don't know. I mean, I wouldn't. You would. Ed, would you be sad? No, 10 million's enough. Would you be happy with 10 million? Yeah. What would you do with 10 million?
I'd buy multiple houses and then sell them so I can make more money. Oh, I might as well apply twice. Yeah, you're completely right. Yeah. Do you want to get involved with estate agents? Just get 20 million. Yeah, he's like, Mr. I don't win anything, but I'm quite a big capitalist over here. Steve, what would you do with 10 million pounds? Oh, well, I mean, there was the overdraft. So, yeah. So you get half of that. And I've got to pay for some stuff in my child's clubs at school. It would go quickly. Yeah. Plus passes. You like nice shirts. You'd probably have some really nice shirts. He's so posh that his kids' clubs would actually chew through five million pounds. Hey, don't have a go. Polo club is not cheap, all right? Yeah, yeah. What, the mince? Yeah.
All right, that is the end of round two. Let's go over to Matthew Corner and see what the scores are. Well, these scores are very mathematically pleasing because in... Well, they're numbers. Well, I suppose, yeah, they would be, but you'll see the ratio had you not interrupt. You just ruined the whole quiz. Is it the golden ratio? Steve is currently in the lead with two, Ed trailing with one, and Danny has half. How pleasing. That is mathematically pleasing. Okay, round three. We're going to have our very own contest. The three of you will each get 30 seconds to impress Matthew. Matthew will then award three to one points, depending on how impressed he was. Steve, you're up first. Okay. All right, Stevie, get ready to impress Matthew. Oh, okay.
On your marks. Okay. Do you need to tell you? Do you have any? No, no, no. Is there any kind of countdown clock or just how will I know? You'll just be like, shut up at the end of it. Oh, okay, that will work. I'll press that at the end. I'll also give you a halfway warning as well, so you can really up the crescendo for the big finish. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, ready? Three, two, one, impress. Well, I was going to use this opportunity because I was quite rude to Matt at your birthday. He told me about his band, and I said, what is the musical influences? And he said, Radiohead and Jamiroquai. And at the time, I'd had a couple of drinks. Halfway through. I said, fuck you, very loudly. So I was going to apologize for that, and I was going to use the rest of this time to
name a Jamiroquai song that I like.
Oh, gosh. Yeah. So many choices. That's it for Stevie!
Okay, I'm not sure how impressive that was. We will... It's a heartfelt apology. He can't possibly have said that his band is a combination of Radiohead and Jamiroquai. I know! That can't. He's pulling your plunker there. Yeah. Oh, that's possible. Okay. All right. Lovely. That was quite impressive. Ed, are you ready to impress? Yeah, I have no idea how I'm going to top that. Okay. Do you know what you're going to do? Oh, yeah. I'll give you a clue. It's a low bar. Okay. All right. So... Brace yourself. Yeah. Three, two, one. Impress. You like magic, right? Yeah. Okay, cool. Yeah. Why not? Okay. Oh, hello. So, I'm going to levitate the shoe. The shoe has come off. Right. Oh, look. There it goes. Oh, what a shame. The camera can't catch it.
It's a podcast, so you can't... How is he doing that? Wow. Isn't that nuts? You can see that, right? That's incredible. That's a levitating shoe. Levitating shoe. And how long have we got? Oh, sorry. I forgot to... I was so... Oh, brilliant. Oh, phew. There we go. I was so transfixed. I forgot to give you the halftime warning. That was quite exceptional. I literally took his shoe off. I... Yeah. I was genuinely, genuinely looking at it going, is it going to happen? Oh, and then, of course... And it did, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, Danny. Two quite impressive things so far. Let's just have a check. Danny, could I just get you to look at Matthew's face and just tell the audience how impressed he looks so far?
He looks actually quite impressed. Yeah, okay. Do you think you can top these two? Shall we find out? Yeah. Three, two, one. Impress. So, I recently went to a fancy dress party and I went as the Romney and Kent Railway locomotion, locomotive, which happens to be the smallest in the entire world. I don't know if anyone knows that. And it's actually, I did the whole thing and I even had a Romney Marsh, which is why it's called the Romney and something railway.
And I had that floating around me. Oh, there we go. Let's hear it for Danny. Very good. Yeah. So, Danny, very much for listeners who are not aware, Matthew is a train enthusiast and Danny very much playing into his wheelhouse there. But we need to go over to Matthew now for his thoughts on all three. Could I just apologise for my apologies?
No. Matthew, what were your thoughts on these three? How impressed were you? Well, I was genuinely very impressed by the levitating shoe, which I know people can't see, so they just have to take all of our words from them. It levitated very well. I don't know how he did it. No, I don't either. It's incredible. There's no wires in the house or anything. Well, I say house, it's a shed, but you know, you get that idea. So, yeah, that was pretty impressive. Full points do have to go to Danny for referencing the Romney-Dimchurch railway, which is close to where I grew up. I think it's a local place I went to quite a lot. So, Steve also did something.
But what this means is that the scores are now much more exciting. Steve and Ed are behind on three, and Danny is now in the lead with three and a half.
Okay, it's time for the fourth and final round, which is questions.
Okay, fingers on buzzers. Oh, no, let's have a reminder of your buzzers. Steve, your buzzer goes. Steve, Steve, Steve. Ed, your buzzer goes. And Danny, your buzzer goes. Luna. Okay, and question one. Why was the winner of a 2016 Chinese art competition surprised to win? Luna. Danny. They were from Sydney, Australia. No. Steve, Steve, Steve. Steve. Because he made a sandwich. No.
Luna. Danny. Because they were actually not in existing. They didn't exist. The winner didn't exist? No. No, that's not true. The answer is, in fact, that they hadn't entered the installation that won was actually just a bucket of mop left by the janitor while he went on a break. Oh, brilliant. That is the joke that you had at Edinburgh Fringe. No, it's true. Yeah. Oh, did you say that? Did you make the joke from that? No. That's weird. Wow. Isn't it? Yeah, I suppose so. Chris had this joke that he had gone and seen an installation. I did a bit of stand up in Edinburgh and I did basically had that as a joke that I went into the wrong room and saw this amazing show and it was the janitor with his bucket. Anyway.
But you still paid him a tenner. But still paid him a tenner. I mean, I delivered it back. That hasn't, yeah.
It actually landed quite well. Question two. On a 2009 episode of Wheel of Fortune, what incorrect guess was given for the answer self-portrait? Steve, Steve, Steve. Steve. The sunflowers. No. Luna. Daddy. What's a common Sunday meal? No, that's Jeopardy. So the... What is this? Yeah, how does Wheel of Fortune work? Okay, yeah, it does. So you have a... I don't like this question. I'll probably cut it, but let's persist anyway. So you have, like, you spin the wheel and then you get the letters and you get some of the letters. So in this case they had... I could have... Yeah, I should have worded this a little bit. They had self and then they had P-O blank, blank, blank, yeah. Like that, with some blanks after it. Yeah. Oh. So you have to guess what that...
So what did they buzz and then guess? This is a terrible question. This is definitely being edited, but just for the sake of it... It is quite funny, though. Yeah, okay. It does require... So sorry, can you tell me the question then? In 2009 episode of Wheel of Fortune, what incorrect guess was given for the answer self? So they had self, P-O, and then what did they guess instead of self-portrait? Steve, Steve, Steve. Steve? Self poo face. No. No.
Ed? Elf pottery.
Was in fact self potato. Oh, boy.
Question three. How did the 2006 Air Guitar World Champion clinch first place? Steve, Steve, Steve. Steve. He had an actual guitar. No. Yeah. No, he didn't. Ed. Produced the least amount of decibels. No. No, no. Danny. He was eco-charged. In what way? It was he didn't use any electricity. Okay. No, it wasn't that. None of them did. Steve? Steve? Is it about picking a song? Is it? Is it? Is that? No. Okay. It's a little bit of a flourish.
He, in fact, halfway through his set, his, he, he broke a string mid song and spent 30 seconds replacing the string. Which was right there alongside saying, I've bought an eco guitar and don't use electricity. None of them did his air guitar. Exactly. There's no string. No. So. But he mimed there being a string. Right. Well, I mimed.
Oh, Danny. Danny mimes giving an answer. Okay, question four. What was the winner of the 2012 Mountain Dew contest to name their new drink? They had a new drink and they had like a social media contest and they asked the internet to name their new drink. What did the internet name their new drink? Danny. Hump Rain. No. Steve, Steve, Steve. Steve. Hill Juice. No. Oh, yuck. As opposed to Hump Rain, which sounds delicious.
Ed, was it Boaty McBoatface or was that something else? It wasn't Boaty McBoatface. No, it wasn't a fact. Hitler did nothing wrong. Oh, whoa. Oh, my. What? The winner was that the drink should be called Hitler did nothing wrong. Sorry, that won what? A contest to name the new Mountain Dew drink. That's typical of Mountain Dew drinkers. I mean, if you thought Dr. Pepper drinkers were bad. They decided not to go with that name. So the general public chose that? The internet. The internet chose that. So, I mean, can you class the internet? It's sort of like a subset of the general public, isn't it? And then the company went, eh, maybe not. I think it probably said more about what they think of Mountain Dew. I don't think it.
I think it was probably not. What year was this? How racist were we then? 2006. Oh, we were fine. That was ironic. Yeah. Question five. What contested LA radio station QROQ? Sorry, I can't read letters. What contest did LA radio station QROQ? Why can't I say the letter K? Yeah, it's not a Q. There is a Q, but that's not a Q. Question five. What contested LA radio station KROQ run to give away Metallica tickets? No. Ed, a rebrand of their station. With the Q at the beginning? Yeah. No. Steve, Steve, Steve. Steve, Steve, Steve. It was a puppet-based competition to be the master of puppets.
Oh, very good. I don't know. You might get some points from Matthew there, but that's not the right answer.
Luna. Did you want a clue? No. I was going to say it's about how much metal can be crushed. No. No? No, that would have been lovely. It was something that the audience had to send in, and whoever sent in the most won the tickets. Does that help? Steve, Steve, Steve. Steve? The most sweat from a Metallica concert. No. I'll put you out of your misery. It was, in fact, the most toenail clippings. The Department of Health shut the radio station down for hygiene reasons. Good grief. We are weird tonight. Well, people. Humanity. Yeah. Yeah, it really puts the Hitler answer into perspective. Was this 2009 as well?
Yeah. I mean, you can't even blame the internet for this one. Okay. In Finland's wife-carrying championship, what does the winner receive?
Ed. Another wife? In a way, half a point. Steve, Steve, Steve. Steve. A model of Hitler made out of toenail clippings. I know. Luna. An afternoon sauner-ing with the ladies. No.
It was, in fact, your wife's waiting beer. That's not, how is that in another way? Well, it's like, it's another wife, isn't it? It's like, it's equal mass, isn't it? Okay. It's not like sentient or nice and loving and sexy. One brings you enjoyment and the other gives you a headache.
Oh, wow. We've gone back to the 70s. Matthew is phoning in from the 1970s. Lovely to have you here. Great. From question seven, what contest was won by Riku Havernian, I know I do this to myself. What contest was won by Riku Havernian and Asa Lundgren in Savelina in Finland in August? So, you're just asking what did they win in August? What contest did they win in August in Finland? Well, the, how many beans in a tin? It wasn't the how many beans in a tin. It's a lovely guess, but it's not true. How many bees in a tin? No, it wasn't how many bees in a tin.
How many cheese in a bin? Was it?
No. This is such a random, there's like not even a clue. No, there's not even a clue. No, it's not a snowman-based answer. In August. I did think about putting some helpful clue in the question, but I clearly didn't get around to it. Let me try and do this off the cuff. What, um, what, um, uh, what, um, uh, uh, why, what concept, why did, um, no, the answer is the mobile phone throwing world championships. Wow. You couldn't come up with a clue for that. I, I couldn't, I couldn't. What, technology, sports? Yeah, that's just boring, isn't it?
Like, what piece of technology did they throw in a car park? A printer, I would have gone. It's wrong, minus one point. If you'd have said what competition was in the car park, that would have given us something. Well, no, how would car park have helped with mobile phones? Well, it would have helped more than what competition happened, didn't it? No, it wouldn't. Yeah, no, car park, that's knife fighting or drag racing. Isn't the clue that it's Finland who are known for Nokia? Nokia? Yeah. Yeah, you see, Danny, the clue was there. Okay, question eight. And the last question of the whole damn quiz, who is the most competitive out of the three of you? Steve, Steve, Steve. Steve. Me, me, me. Is correct for a point. You're well done. Okay, that brings us to the end of today's exciting quiz. And everybody has played wonderfully and competed well.
Well played, everybody. Please give yourself a round of applause for competing.
What a contest. Matthew, who has come out on top? Well, the scores are quite exciting, but I'm leaving to spend a tiny bit longer because my app has notified me that the contestant, the giveaway has ended. And one person did put in a bid and it is a Mr. Chris. Oh, bye. Yay. Okay. I'll get you the rubber gloves. Right. Well, happy day for Danny. Towards the end there, it was extremely exciting. Ed and Danny both finished on the same number of points. And I was on the edge of my seat, but it was a little bit pointless because they had three and a half. And Steve won with five. Yay. Oh, well done, Steve. You take away today's prize pot. What are you going to do with your winnings? Oh, well, I will, you know, put it towards the kids clubs and the draft and all of that
sort of stuff. And some Thunderbird. Yeah, get some biscuits. And a Thunderbird? Yeah. Does it still exist? I'll buy some on eBay. Don't the biscuits into the Thunderbird. Yeah. Lovely old job. They will melt. And Ed, commiserations, how are you going to console yourself? I need to enter more competitions that I could actually win. Yeah. Maybe scratch. No, that's not a competition. I was going to say maybe have a scratch and sniff, but that's not a competition. Why not? I might do that instead. Yeah, I know. Danny, how are you feeling after this dramatic loss? Actually, I'm thinking, I'm just, I'm thinking of taking a ticket to do the no deal or yes deal or whatever that show is. Deal or no deal. In the Netherlands, because I like a bit of cold water therapy. You do, don't you? Yeah. Don't get hypothermia live on air, though. That would be sad.
Thank you all so much for playing. You've been listening to Steve Keyworth. Steve, is there anything? Anything you'd like to direct our listeners towards? Oh, yeah. No, well, I don't know when they're listening to this. I know. Just look out for me. Oh, this will be sometime before Christmas. Okay. Towards Christmas. November. November. Yeah, maybe I've got something on BBC Sounds at that point. It comes around. Yeah. Check out, what's your website? SteveKeyworth.com. Oh, StephenKeyworth.com. StephenKeyworth.com. Have a look at that. Ed, is there anything you'd like to direct people towards? The next episode. Yay. Good lad. We love Ed and Danny. You can find out more information about me at Danny O'Hara.com or at Slow Theatre or at Dogface Improv. Yes, I have been Chris Reid. This has been a Podface production.
And all that is left is to go over one last time to Matthew Corner to... Oh, actually, do you know what? Matthew, before we get your wisdom to end the episode, would you like to point people towards you on the internet? Because you have quite a following. You can find me on YouTube as CaptainVFC, which is CPT space or underscore VFC. It's scale modelling, so airfix kits, that sort of thing. There's a video either once a week or once every other week. And you can join the literally dozens of people that watch my content. It's surprisingly good, just like lots of things Matthew does. I have very low expectations, and then I'm astonished that they're actually quite good. Thank you for listening. We're going to go over to Matthew for one final piece of wisdom.
Logically speaking, if you're entering a raffle or any other competition which is based on numbers, just buy every ticket. You can't lose.
Yes, I do. Hot face!