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 idiot wind and pledging as little as one dollar per episode nobody ever calls me
 yes yes yes it's another episode of idiot wind the panel show made by idiots for idiots and i'm very
 much very fucked up already haven't i did it after the sound faded out that's right i can edit that
 and i am delighted to welcome four of my favorite idiots in the world uh five including matthew but
 he's just like an idiot that exists but doesn't need to be named it's like kind of like a shit
 voldemort i don't think there's any sort of danger he's more like insipid than dangerous but anyway
 more from matthew later um i mean something from matthew later we haven't even started welcome to
 idiot wind um i've got four lovely idiots here sitting on my left is the delightful steve keyworth
 steve how are you i almost called you keith steeworth that happens quite a lot yeah it does
 i i've got i've been called keith by uh peggy um peggy off of coronation street barbara winter even
 before god rest their soul happened to her now she forgot my name and called me oh no she's not dead
 is she no no she's but she has alzheimer's and that's and you forgot she's on east enders not
 coronation street did i say that gosh wow now he's got alzheimer's this has started well um she's also
 married to somebody a lot younger than her do you know what he seemed when he came out and talked about
 her uh dementia i thought you seem really nice and genuinely seem to love her and don't seem like a gold
 digger yeah this i think this is one of the saddest ways we could ever start this panel yeah
 start as you mean it's true well um age destroys us all it's uh yeah fuck okay let's just take a
 moment to think about that and now we'll introduce john newing hi how are you i'm feeling pretty chipper
 pretty good do you have any um cogitations on death or the aging process i don't really think about
 it too much until just now until just now now i'm wondering whether my whether i've got a will or
 any ppi outstanding so that's the first thing they're the first two things they're the things
 about death right whether you've got the will or well you've got you know if someone owes you money
 from the bank so now i'm worried that i haven't claimed the ppi need that's a life well lived
 i think first two worries i think you can probably leave your unmade ppi claim to somebody in your will
 oh well yeah i could can you leave me your potential ppi i i would love to lend you lend you my
 unexplained ppi and uti lent oh r-i-p-p-p-i yeah r-e-s-p-e-c-t so steve and john you are our first
 team tonight do you have a team name we've discussed this long and hard and we have got a team name we
 are the discarded coffee okay uh tell me more this morning i made a coffee and i forgot to drink it
 before i left the house and you threw it away no no it was still there when i got home and i thought
 i'll drink it before i come out this evening and and be hilarious and i forgot to drink it again so
 it's still there are you gonna have it when you get home no i might wait till the morning now it's
 it's espresso so uh i don't want to chuck that out that's uh valuable stuff yeah it would you drink
 it cold or pop it in the microwave i would drink it cold because uh i that's how i roll he can't
 afford electricity yeah power the microwave just get it down you i put it in one my armpit for a
 while and try and warm it to some kind of yeah temperature i've just been sick in my mouth yeah
 armpit coffee anyone for an armpit coffee good all right and um i see you brought a mascot with you
 oh yes yes yes it's uh all of the time that we've wasted today yeah right it's quite a big thing yeah
 it's surprisingly large it included my nap time which i'm quite worried about it seems i thought
 naps were good for you and apparently they're not because it's included here just watching me sleep
 it wasn't a productive nap what have you what have you got in there then steve you oh well i've
 just discovered a a gag because i like puzzles so i've got this i've stopped playing this game
 called uh like puzzles and empires or something and now i'm accidentally waging war
 across imaginary mountains and um it's taken all of my life is this a computer game it is yeah on my
 phone yeah yeah when you say imaginary mountains do you mean like a north like asian dictatorship are
 you doing it there um i don't know i don't know if it's i've not the people i'm fighting are kind
 of big land sharks with knives i couldn't really say what part of the world they come from probably um
 the ocean big land sharks from the ocean well they've evolved and then they've armed up
 i mean we're everyone's from the ocean really yeah it wasn't very long ago that you were a fish steve
 i know and then i have my coffee so i'm going back there yeah and facing them tonight is the delightful
 mark womersley hello how are you i'm okay what's going on over in your neck of the woods uh well i
 haven't really got much of a neck but when i find it um yes it's quite woody got a flagpole
 i have but that will go down during the show i'm sure you're the only person i know with an actual
 genuine flagpole yes i have well i'm the queen i don't know the queen she's got several i think
 yeah she takes them around with her when she's in residence she puts it up talk me through your
 flags i know you have your flags i have a i have a euro euro flag yes oh sorry a european union not
 the euros as in the football championships um or the currency no i wouldn't know what one of those
 look like we're not in it and we're not going to be in europe much longer so thanks for bringing that
 um what's the other flag um the other two i would rather not talk about because they're a little bit
 on the uh sad side oh okay right we won't talk about those then because they're a little bit on
 the uh fascist side and we uh i don't like discussing in public actually just to dispel that myth um they
 are from game of thrones oh that kind of sad yes right oh that's better house stark and house targaryen
 uh nerd on uh mark's team tonight is robbie sundland robbie hello how are you i'm very good good how are
 you i'm fine does anyone ever ask you that on this no that's never happened i don't really not say i
 feel uncomfortable we don't care do you really want to know do you really want to know no what's
 your team name we are called the to-do list why why are you the to-do list well it's on our list
 to do what to come up with a name um and we we we didn't so we thought well let's just
 be a to-do list itself as a name it's not that exciting but it's you know it suits us it's it
 reflects our personalities there's nothing more exciting than a to-do list well you say that jobs
 to tick off you say that a job well done you say that i would have more weight if you said it in a
 more excited tone this is as excited as i can get so wait wait till you get to our mascot it's a to-do
 list it's an actual to-do list can you believe it that is unbelievable don't touch it i was gonna
 it's laminated okay but how can you tick things off if it's laminated well it's just that it gets so
 exciting sometimes we had to laminate it but you can't tick stuff off surely um well we can okay
 good these are our two teams matthew is also here how are you sir yes oh fuck i'm introduced in quite
 a polite way that was seamless i forgot myself i called you sir i want to kill myself oh um i'm glad
 that treating me as a human being makes you want to throw up yes as it should be i think we should do
 a quiz it's time for round one sort it out yes round one it's called sort it out i'm going to give
 both of our teams something a conundrum a situation that they are going to have to try and sort out
 matthew has the answers and he is going to afterwards see if anybody has got remotely near
 any of them um okay so the question for both teams is what are the center for disease control and
 prevention tips for staying safe while camping and we'll start with steve and john funny you mentioned
 be a barber windsor because i think i imagine they they advise against you doing that thing she does
 in carry-on camping where you're fling your arms over and over yeah in case you get like bra in
 someone's face and then you get sepsis from underwire to face that's that's how sepsis works right
 there's a lot of hazards yeah happening that's so i mean so don't follow carry-on camping
 things i do the opposite of what they do is what cdc expected it's actually a public information film
 yeah carry-on camping as to what not to do that's that's what i think anyway but yeah i know it's
 important as well not to have unprotected sex with a caravan uh you need to uh wear protection like
 an all-over kind of body tent like an awning yeah safety awning yeah is that what pop-up tent is
 oh i think so i think so caravan yeah i've got i've got a ribbed safety awning in a sealed
 plastic wrapper in my garage for how big is it big enough to fit a man in also uh don't borrow a
 sleeping bag from your cousin who had ebola are you speaking from bitter personal experience yes i am
 bola bola's pretty pretty nasty yeah it's you know it's a bit of a lie-in couple of days off
 paracetamol cup of soup it can live in your eye for 12 months and then come back they say that
 but who who's seen that yeah let me see proof
 no yeah yeah you'll be able to see you'll be blind
 i'm gonna live in your eye so i can't come into work today i've got ebola living in my eye
 it's dormant but i'm worried nonetheless i fear it could come back at any moment
 an ebola hat any other thoughts from you two or should we chuck it over a mosquito net in case you
 want to play football with mosquitoes very small holes yeah i guess you're sort of rolled around
 in the grass naked so you like it's like when you go to india and you try to eat the local food to get
 over the deadly belly very quickly and like you roll around in the grass and just eat all the dirt you'll
 gain the immunity of the dirt from like the tick bites and the gain the power of the earth yeah
 like captain planet you know captain planet yeah is he an actual superhero yeah he made a five things
 including heart sounds like captain butcher he sounds wasn't he in the film seven yeah
 i'll tell you your legion of fans who grew up in the 90s would know who captain planet is and they
 will comment like anything all of them that's some venn diagram people who listen to us and also read
 captain planet i assume you do you read captain planet or do you inhale it or it was a 90s cartoon
 by the children trying to recycle more okay air wind fire and heart one five elements and that's why
 the planet is doomed because we didn't watch it but they were in there too and heart and heart and heart
 and heart the band yeah and air so uh let's see what you two think any any thoughts about how to avoid
 disease when camping i've never been camping have you never been camping really don't want to and
 you have remained disease free largely yeah thanks to not camping yeah that's the main reason i've
 never been you look so nonchalant tonight because you're in a rocking chair it takes a lot of effort
 to not look nonchalant in a rocking chair he looks like that guy out of deliverance yeah get this man a
 banjo immediately i don't think there's any guy in deliverance it's good to be is there let's have
 let's have an idiot win social where we uh watch all of the things that have been mentioned in this
 podcast i thought you're gonna say when we reenact deliverance we can act deliverance for youtube
 well uh yeah experience the aging process watch deliverance get a bowler live in someone's eye
 dormant for 12 months yeah i got a hat that's the very boring sequel to forbidden what's that journey
 one where you go in incredible journey where they go inside the body yeah yeah was that isaac azimov no
 that fantastic voyage fantastic voyage fantastic voyage destination brain
 curl on destination brain destination cool oh cosy
 sorry
 to my brain is sick there sorry i heard destination colon for some reason
 mark any thoughts on this um well i was going to ask steve about his uh net i was going to ask if
 lionel messi keto would be playing
 yes a serious suggestion would be to make sure that you only stay in your own what you've brought to
 stay in because if you if you flip between one or another of those things i don't want to mention
 the word because it's going to spoil my joke and you'll end up being too tense
 man what a what a gruelling setup that was can you just tidy up in the edit
 you know i will it's not the destination it's the journey that joke was destination colon
 i've got it is a serious i'm saying about sausages because people always eat camping and having
 undercooked sausages oh right i robbie's making a play for points yeah let's mention some shit i'm
 hiding in this nonchalant rocking chair but really this and also getting them caught in the zip of the
 tent matthew um i am stunned almost to the extent of raising any emotion there were points everywhere
 there were points ahoy in that round you are fucking kidding me uh yes i am there was nothing
 oh no there were points there were points believe it or not and and bear with me on this one not
 multiple points steve gets a point for saying unprotected sex with a caravan
 because it does say includes safe physical activities yeah right yeah and also avoid water
 related illness and injury so steve gets another point for ebola wow uh john um again bear with me
 again on this one but john also gets a point for talking about barbara windsor throwing bras
 because it does say protect yourself from the sun and the sun is often associated with what is inside bras
 is it that's tits not page three of the sun
 don't look at them or you'll go blind
 depends who they are and uh robbie also gets a point in fact robbie's the only one that managed
 to tick off about half the list by saying not going camping because be prepared uh prevent
 temperature related illness avoid wild animals and prepare safe food and water are all things that can
 be done if you don't go camping so on the basis of that you're giving robbie like four points there
 uh no i'm not that generous just one for all of them okay uh so it's three points each
 whoa whoa oh we don't clap anymore do we
 because it it shows up how few people there are in the room i forgot that
 uh good stuff um we have our this is our first all-male idiot wind i'm i'm slightly worried that it's
 going to be a testosterone infused um that's why i'm into the sausages lad fest we've already talked
 about page three of the sun and i've just realized i i completely coincidentally have got several
 questions about football but to be fair not uh 90 of the room didn't get that reference we were
 completely didn't know what that's true yeah we didn't know what's going on about which is good
 yeah if only i hadn't shouted tits we'd be golden let's move on to round two
 yeah round two is heroic failures and this week we are concentrating on the world of sport yes
 that's right heroic failures in sport this round is on the buzzers teams so get your buzzers at the
 ready and question one is what happened when andreas johansson came on as a substitute during
 a premier league match against arsenal in 2006 steve did i change channel and watch something on the
 other side almost certainly john do you start playing for the wrong team no but i'm going to
 give you half a point he's a tennis player no no it wasn't that he mark um no i was just thought that
 i should say something you're welcome is it that he'd swede all over the grass that he weed swede he's
 swede he sounded swedish i just swed he's sweet i see i get you very good no no that is staying in
 let me promise you no it was in fact that he immediately committed a foul gave away a penalty
 and was sent off question two on the buzzers how long was marco apicella's formula one career
 robbie one lap no robbie half a lap no mark one training session no robbie one corner no
 he tripped and he hit his face on the car no robbie he didn't even start a race no mark did he decide
 to go off grid no he was never a driver he was a lollipop man john did he give away a penalty in 2006
 robbie 40 years no you you should have you like narrowed it down and then jumped past the bit you
 you went you went a lap not and not the first corner then yes he started but he didn't make
 it to the first corner his career lasted um under a minute he almost made it the first corner of his
 first race in nine in the 1993 italian grand prix before hurtling off the track he then decided to
 retire next question what surprise was in store for the dorchester gladiators veterans amateur
 rugby team on their may 2000 romanian tour robbie vampires no john pantomime cows no mark did they
 discover uh you said they were veterans yeah they over 40s okay i have to be careful here because i'm
 one of them um i'm not did they discover that the rules were different there no robbie did they play
 a girl's school team no john were they welcomed by cricket fans no it was in fact that they were
 accidentally put up against the top romanian professional club staya bucharest which contained
 nine internationals and the match was on national television
 they'd been in the bar until 4 a.m and while the professionals warmed up enthusiastically they
 stood there smoking and and worrying about what was going to happen the match ended 61 17 after um
 stoya bucharest eased off in the second half that's pretty good score it's not bad is it i think by the
 sound of it the others stopped trying fairly quickly and i don't like that in sport no when you ease
 off i think that's insulting have you ever eased off in your life no not once i go full throttle all
 the time and let me tell you but i can see in his eyes and not only is that true but i think that's
 my bowler in there oh god okay next question is talkie united hold the record for the quickest
 sacking of a manager how long did the manager last and why were they sacked 10 minutes steve did he
 fall over and hit his face on the car is it the guy who was sacked in 10 minutes because they changed
 owner yeah it was points for robbie well done leroy uh rosinio lasted um 10 minutes the club it was
 brought during the press conference unveiling him as the new manager where the motto was stability is the
 key and the new owner sacked him as soon as the press conference finished did they veil him again like
 like put it put it put a sheet over the top of him and he's not a parrot is he
 i don't know it's a tall key anything could happen
 he probably got like a decent payout right we've got some money i don't know for 10 minutes oh yeah
 the rest of his contract he was contracted like a six-year contract yeah i want jobs like that
 and he got to keep the biscuits from the press conference
 so uh that's the end of round two matthew what the scores well the discarded coffee has gone nowhere
 and is still at three points but the to-do list now has five and a half oh well done to do list
 taking an early lead there but there's plenty to play for now as we move on to round three
 oh yeah round three is and uh this week i have two questions in these for everyone you'll all get
 a guess at these firstly i would like you to all listen to this clip oh there are many a words you
 could use instead of that one but basically listen rosie so the question is what word did rosie use i
 will let you all select a word mark what are you gonna go for i'm going to go for boombastic
 okay boombastic steve i'm gonna go for motherfucker motherfucker john i'm going to go with happy happy
 robbie chinatown chinatown let's hear the word that rosie used we were all sitting down in the field
 playing and this little boy put me with a stick up my minge oh it did hurt oh rosie there are many
 a words you could use instead of that one but basically listen rosie thank you so much for um
 joining me this afternoon rosie and we must apologize for the use of that word no no no not
 again all right okay do you know what i think at this juncture we might have a little bit of maroon
 five mention minge maroon five that's the mantra yes um nobody got the correct word that's pretty
 close yeah um but yeah yeah as you say maroon five the antidote for minge nobody nobody knew that
 so no points there but that's all right there's another question in this round um i would like you
 all to listen to this i never i never saw that result come in tonight nil nil away and we needed to win
 i thought we'd at least win one or two nil and give us something to share about
 and we didn't even get a goal
 okay so um the presenter was trying to get dan's attention but what did he want to tell dan
 shut up dan you've got an annoying voice that they'd actually won yeah they'd won one nil okay
 john any thoughts well i i was going to say something like that but that's not going to sound
 so good now so that's why we said it no no go with robbie robbie keeps winning these questions
 say what he says yeah that the the school there was they actually scored lots of goals okay let's
 have a listen and hear what happened i thought we'd at least win one or two nil and give us a
 something to share about dan dan dan dan dan dan dan we've just gone there and we didn't even get a
 goal dan dan dan dan we won two nil what we won two nil tonight what do you mean we were two
 nil tonight we left early the final score tonight was early cru alexandra nil coventry city two that
 was the final score i'm not having that we left two minutes before the end of the game and you lost
 you you if you left two minutes before the end you didn't see the two goals we won two nil
 you are we won two nil so apparently yes well done i think points to john and
 robbie there was that an alan partridge quote uh dan dan dan dan dan dan dan
 matthew what are the scores at the end of round three it's now six and a half to four
 whoo all right everything to play for as we go on to round four it's a wheel of things
 yes round four is the wheel of things someone is going to now spin the massive wheel and matthew has
 devised a technique for divining who is the right person to spin the wheel this week matthew would
 you like to put your um procedure into place the wheel spinning on its own
 so what you do is use the power of your mind whoa oh it's come up a describo thing thing uh so that's
 very exciting uh two teams now have uh some time an amount of time to give clues it's a bit like
 articulate i'm not going to call it articulate because obviously that's trademark so um just if
 you imagine the word articulate and i say describo thing then you just instantly know how this game
 works but nobody's actually had to say the word articulate mark and robbie are going to go first
 mark is going to give the clues the way that this works is that the first couple are easy the second
 couple are middling the last two are very hard indeed um so nobody's ever got all of the way
 through we'll see if that's going to happen tonight okay we have 96 on the clock mark is going to give
 clues to robbie and guys guys guys your time starts now okay um these these often wear fluffy hats
 rabbits um russians and that their hearing can be can be adjusted
 what fluffy hats and their hearing can be adjusted yes
 i have no idea at all um you you you it depends um sometimes you can get quite intimate with them
 and sometimes you don't have to you can be further away sure it's not russians
 and it could be they could be there's i think there's probably russian versions um although they
 sound more like they're from ireland you may very well have one about your person in fact i know you have
 phone wallet shirt what headphones oh half right and and singular yes good all right on the number two
 this is something that you would very much like if you were feeling in a slightly hypothermic condition
 a woman possibly but not in this instance a hot sausage
 hot hot a radiator this is fire yes okay number three you'd want this person in a danger zone
 david attenborough the queen more if you more if you were kind of in the guatemalan gangs no one's
 going to fight the queen no but if you were fighting the guatemalan gangs yes number four um yes you may
 be laid back but you won't be feeling relaxed in this coffin no you'd be quite relaxed in that um no you
 depends in what state you may be receiving some kind of oral treat the dentist chair yeah all right
 on to the hard ones now number number five okay this um you may or may not yes you probably are old enough
 to experience this um it's love it's um it's something that you might find um when you're um looking into
 your soul in the bathroom whilst performing some kind of act you might see yourself in another place
 that weird fluffy getting your belly button no higher up nipples no yeah fluff higher up
 bum fluff like your chin fluff well you're whilst you're removing that and you find yourself in a
 in a in a another world
 oh and time is up there
 oh no the what you're looking for there was discovering a portal to another dimension whilst
 shaving and obviously yes that i'm old enough to remember that
 and mark didn't have time to get to missing your bus stop because you were daydreaming about fish cakes
 but now um it's the turn at the time the turn of john and steve john is going to give the clues here
 steve is going to be the guesser matthew can you load up the whatever your clock is is uh fueled by
 please it's a very very large egg timer today made rather than sand it has eggs falling down
 it's an egg timer that's very very good uh what do you use it for time cooking sand well no it's when
 it's finished i go to the beach all right there's 90 seconds on the clock john has another six easy
 easy medium medium hard hard john off you go uh it's a um item used for intercourse over long
 distance really big condom uh no it's got more buttons than that uh it is a uh it's a jazz instrument
 can we alto or tenor a saxophone yes uh the next one is um oh god it's it's not vegans that's my clue
 it's it's people with energy uh it's uh it's uh it's the vegetables themselves it's it's like butter but
 tastier uh uh it's cheese it's it's made from rendered cows um jackets
 it rhymes with hard lord number three uh oh um i think he's an actor and the first name is a name
 beginning of a letter tom cruise um oh it's a first name same first name as farage first name nigel and
 it's like um like the crisp quavers crunchy he's the quintessential englishman nigel rhymes with
 quavers havers on to number four um the next one is there was a boat that the owl the pussycat went into
 it was made this color a pea green and there's a type of liquidized version of that you drink it
 pea soup yeah until the hard ones next one it's what you and i might be doing on friday
 and then afterwards using the yellow version of lard on a creature that turns heads 360 degrees uh
 oh it's we're getting drunk and buttering an owl yes yes getting drunk and buttering an owl
 point john give us the one that you didn't have time for oh the last one is oh god having a chip
 implanted in your brain which replaces emotions with experimental jazz oh i would have done that
 i love the way that john laid it all out you assembled in your head and then just said getting
 drunk and buttering an owl that's why steve and i team makes me so happy matthew how about that
 that was that was that was impressive yeah fucking hell man contrary to what the police may tell you
 getting drunk and buttering an owl does not normally win you a point but in this case it has brought the
 discarded coffee to within a point and a half of the to-do list now with five to their two six and a
 half oh this is very exciting as we now move into round five
 yes round five is what the what the fuck and question one teams this one will start off with
 uh mark and robbie why have ed sheeran's plans to build a chapel and his estate been put on hold
 um is it because he hasn't yet reached godlike status although he thinks he has
 uh no he sold his soul to the devil and it's kind of like against the bargain isn't it if he goes and
 builds a chapel yeah that might be something to do that that's not what i've got on the card though
 is it because the plans for the chapel are actually larger than the estate that he owns
 no he's only got a little bed set does he talk about his car he had like a cortina estate and
 they couldn't get the chapel in there all good answers none of them true he it's his neighbor
 his neighbor it's always the name has a little plot of land within his bigger plot and he wants to
 build the chapel at the end of the garden uh i'm not sure that's true that sounded like a serious
 answer let's throw it across before we have to build a friend of mine let's start across the other
 team see what they've got um i think it's because god is against the idea he's really against it he's
 been smiting the crews he's been sending kind of plagues of locusts and and generally he just really
 hates ed sheeran and the pope as well the pope's very reasonable the pope hates ed sheeran yeah yeah
 he's you know homosexuality fine evolution yes completely he's with all that but ed sheeran
 can go fuck himself i think it's funny i assume he mislabelled the planning commission asked to build a
 large um chaplain so he's built um a wall with a picture of charlie chaplin on it uh and they've just
 stopped it because they realized if they start from the bottom half up because you can't build walls from the top
 right it's got to the mustache and they realized that looks like something's very bad they stopped it
 right there just in case he went too far just just before the mustache or mid mustache like it's there
 and they're going oh god it's a white man's mustache is that one of those period dramas mid mustache
 no so i'll give you a clue it's animal based it's because um i do know the art okay does anyone
 have any more you have another funny answer oh i thought i thought it's uh it's because his hair
 is haunted it's got a demon in it that we just will not rest an animal animal an animal demon yes
 absolutely and that's why his name's ed sheeran because he needs a sheeran he's got an evil sheep
 inside his hair john's john's desperate to get the room is ed needs a sheeran john oh it's um there is
 his potential that he's got newts in his boots newts i was looking for the word newts yes points to john
 um uh a string of concerns have been raised including from the suffolk wildlife trust which
 says there are records of great crested newts in the area in 2015 um the great crested new also known
 as the northern crested newt or warty newt is found across europe and parts of asia and britain's
 largest newt species there was a plot in doctors where they stopped the uh construction of a rival
 gp practice by planting rare newts in this site so they couldn't they couldn't build it
 for listeners who haven't previously listened steve writes um writes episodes of doctors they've
 tried that in my village they're gonna build a mcdonald's nearby but the you're gonna put
 newts in the skull well there's a rare bat in skull is there just suddenly it's like appeared
 so i'm imagining they're all going look there's a rare bat oh you missed it there it goes
 it went by in a mcflurry private chapel is for non-denominational contemplation and the proposed
 flint chapel would hold a congregation of about 24. it's a wank chapel
 what did you say not non-denominational contemplation yeah that's wank chapel
 contemplate non-denominational too much you'll go blind that doesn't sound very comfy a wank chapel
 wank chapel the wank chapel murders do you want to change your team into ed sheeran's wank chapel
 i will i will allow it okay question i feel a bit sick now
 it's my new prog band
 okay oh he's jeniflected all over the place all right okay question two what is unusual about the
 titum arum flower which can be seen at the eden eden eden eden i got stuck in a loop
 at the juran juran project what is unusual about the titum arum flower which can be seen at the eden
 project in cornwall um is it that it can't be seen anymore since gary barlow shot all these plastic
 confetti all over it yeah i used to live in cornwall and i know the answer to this actually that is where
 i had to take my daughter for a poo um because it was a long way to the loo and she was you know she
 was young and uh yeah sorry sorry to the eden project i'll give you half a point because it is
 about aromas um robbie john oh it's um it's not reno but the eden project is open air so a man
 parachuted down died there and he's grown up in the shape of the dead man that's my understanding
 half a point for john oh does it smell like decomposition yeah point from mark it smells
 like rotting flesh sorry robbie did you have something funny no that's right it smells of
 rotting flesh it only flowers for 48 hours to compound the smell it will produce its own heat
 and spread the smell and it does this to attract insect pollinators what's your excuse john
 i i do it to attract you chris well it's bloody worked all right that's the end of round five
 matthew what the scores mate it is nail-bitingly close is it it's only well sort of it's there's a point
 you backed off your statement somewhat uh yeah i was trying to add tension but then you know i mean
 then kill it nobody's nobody's nobody's nobody's right up nobody's tenting about ed sheeran's wank
 chapel anymore there's a point in it uh the to-do list is still winning but there's now
 a point in it that drifted off thanks mate so there's a point in it yeah there's some kind of
 point in something good lovely stuff well let's get on and play there's lots of points on bloody
 offer here right next it's round six
 yes round six is questions it's on the buzzer's team so get those uh little fingers ready and
 don't use your little fingers use your big fingers use whichever finger you want i don't care um give
 it a good palming great ed sheeran's wank chapel question one what is unusual about the post box in
 sasami japan steve uh it's actually in norwich no
 mark it's twinned with one in norwich no john did it print it for the doctors
 not yet but ed sheeran's wank chapel's about i can make that happen so we that point we can get
 that retrospectively yes matt can you award him a point just in case okay
 robbie it's actually it's one of those stories where it's actually a dog
 litter bin not a post box no it isn't mark i was going to say it's got no slot
 no it is in fact 10 meters underwater oh question two who is this oh quite amusing
 mark um that bloke off of dad's army john john lorry no
 steve it's the queen watching frankie boyle very close
 john is it queen victoria practicing saying it's not amusing getting it wrong yes
 it is well done point to john lovely stuff okay question three during the second world war
 what did the crew of the submarine hms trident keep on board for six weeks and name pollyanna
 steve ed sheeran no mark parrot no robbie a nazi no john was it a marital aid um possibly
 robbie a narwhal what what is the narwhal it's like a sea unicorn okay no mark was it an internal
 um thing that they look up for i forgot what periscope yes an internal periscope yes no to
 the down into the submarine for the people clinging on the edge that's basically a
 reverse peephole no it was in fact a reindeer oh question four why would the fullgate family of
 troublesome creek famous steve we don't know they're not famous i think that there's good logic in
 there have a point mark is it because that's where the term up creek no no john did their career in
 formula one last more than 10 minutes no it was in fact that they all have blue skin
 it's a genetic condition caused by inbreeding and i will put a bit you can see a picture of that
 on the idiot wind facebook page how does inbreeding cause blue skin it's a just just
 fucks your genetics up doesn't it i think you've just got to try it and find out if you have if you
 have sex with your family for generations weird shit is going to happen if they also feature in an
 episode of doctors they will they will name this song
 robbie leaving on a jet plane yes you're very good at these aren't you yes leaving on a jet plane by john
 denver um what is unusual about jockey frank hayes 1923 victory at belmont park in new york
 robbie he wasn't on the horse no mark he was underneath the horse no john was he the only
 person in the race no oh he is a horse he's the horse in the jockeys the whole it was a horse on top
 of a horse no i'm just gonna keep saying things was it two men inside the horse suit yeah yeah yeah
 it was dobbin our friend to ghost um no it was in fact that he died during the race he had a heart
 attack but but remained on the horse and won at 20 to one did the odds get big as he died
 no nobody nobody knew question seven why are most muppets left-handed
 john oh it's because the most puppeteers are right-handed yes for a point um question eight
 when will i will i be famous john never no mark 1987 no steve after you've visited uh ed sheeran's
 wank chapel rummy after you've excavated his wank chapel and found the deposits within
 i feel like we've gone down quite a path tonight you see we need women on the show this is what
 happens um all right okay women in the wank chapter that's an elvis song isn't it what in a trap
 otherwise they probably would they're not getting out yeah yeah okay fortunately approaching the end
 of the round under the quiz question nine how long was the longest musical performance in history
 john 75 hours
 mark um the whole of existence has been a musical as far as i'm concerned can't actually deny that so
 have a point robbie uh it's still going and it's been going for a hundred years
 i'll give you half a point for that because it is still going
 i pressed my buzz at the same time and i was going to say that exact answer
 oh robbie's stolen your thoughts that'll be in doctors
 is it a sad song because i'm going to go and listen to it now
 um you can still um you can still robbie's only claimed half a point when when when's it due to
 end steve uh when the asteroid smashes into the earth and we all die
 no it's gonna finish brexit
 finish in 2640 it started in 2001 the note changed in 2013 then uh and the next note change
 is scheduled for 2020 it's the performance of john cage's organ squared over as slow as possible
 question 10 yeah sorry i knew that once but did you but not today yeah so there you go
 never mind it was on radio 4 or doctors let's face it i don't know if anyone knows that there
 steve writes episodes of doctors um question 10 and the final question of the quiz where was the
 perfume base musk originally discovered they now use a synthetic version but where was it
 originally discovered john is it inside wales no it's nowhere near the country of wales uh who's
 that mark yes is it a rangers um behind the ranger's ear i'll give you half a point is it in a
 musketeer's trousers no i'll give you half a point between you you've got it it's uh it's uh it's in
 the trousers in the trousers of reindeer more or less it's it's a small sack in front of the penis of a
 deer who discovered that and thought it might be nice behind the ears i don't know
 that was me right okay fortunately we have come to the end of the quiz thankfully for everybody
 involved all that remains is the final scores let's see if matthew has managed to stay on his seat
 because i know he was on the edge of it earlier this is weird you are well that's just insulting
 sorry i'm trying to keep score here and i think i've done a good job but there is a conundrum
 oh okay reveal it well if the point is uh applied retrospectively the outcome of the quiz completely
 changes because with the discarded coffee having 10 points or 11 if uh steve writes about um
 wank chapels uh and the to-do list have ten and a half so steve well no it was about a uh japanese
 japanese post box you have to be honest about this are you going to write a doctor script with an
 underwater japanese yeah yeah if you you'll have to write yeah i can google underwater japanese
 post box i'm going to send my medication to the pad i hope it makes it well on a uh weird verbal
 contract or possibly a promise the winner is the discarded coffee with 11 points yeah let's hear it
 whatever it takes yes buttered owls well done you two um on your win what are you going to do with
 the prize money butter some owls butter some yeah absolutely beautiful well done everybody thank you
 for those of you who have been listening to us and staying um with us through all of that
 fucking nonsense um we are i are going to be back soon with another episode please remember to tune in
 and do that remember to do the beer 52 thing if you would like get some lovely beer and uh support us and
 also you can support us at patreon if you don't want beer but you just like to give us some money for as
 little as one dollar an episode you can support this podcast and help us to keep making them
 thank you for listening you have been listening to steve keyworth mark womersley john newing
 robbie sunderland with matt haywood on tech i have been chris reed see you next time on idiot
 idiotwind is produced in association with dogface improv fantata and slow theater company and is
 executive produced by emma t the music is yes i do by the melvins and don't forget you can find out more
 and support the podcast by going to idiotwindpodcast.com
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