is it recording yeah it is but i just wasn't doing a very good job
 and it went very weird very quick there's very little you have to do while the theme music
 doesn't bode well
 yes welcome welcome welcome welcome to another episode of idiot winded series five oh my god
 um and we are delighted to be back with our sport episode this is the panel show made for idiots by
 idiots to my right sits the uh delightful entity collection of atoms i mean he used to just be
 hydrogen like all of us and what's this 13.75 billion years later it's mark warmersley hello
 how are you uh still got some hydrogen in me yeah yeah will you keep it in for the duration of the
 episode i'm going to try it at my darkest what's your favorite um component of yourself um it's
 probably my boots why because they're furthest away from my head okay what have you got against your
 head um nothing at the moment my hair if i told you you had a nice head would you uh hold it against
 it yeah um not again not since last time no that was awful let's not speak of it and joining mark is
 the delightful suzanna t jones hello hello how are you i'm wonderful yes good it's lovely to have you
 here for series five uh an idiot wind regular it's nice to be fair to say what's been it's been a while
 what have you been up to for the last three years not a lot chris no um no i what have i i've i've like
 mildly changed jobs within the same job um the pan i mean the pandemic was just wasn't that that just
 happened really still reeling from it i i baked some bread like everyone else yes i got into herbal teas
 i've been experimenting with some cherry rooibosh yes it's uh it's almond and cherry uh actually so
 it's like a bakewell tart but in a tea yeah it's nice i'm thinking of becoming middle class i saw you
 in a in the fantastic sketch troupe the earl and bus incident where can i just say i was very
 disappointed to be outbid for a large custard cream and that's all i'd like to say about that uh yeah on
 behalf of um my friend who outbid you she doesn't apologize
 it's now on her bedroom door i wanted it on my bedroom door susannah but that's fine i won't hold
 it against you um and opposing them today is the delightful danny o'hara hello hello i didn't know
 anything about the old um custard cream no you weren't there i i went to see a comedy gig had a
 pint and a half of lager got all hopped up and uh bid on the custard cream it was huge and it seems
 like if your friends got it on the bedroom door that i am not dissatisfied that it didn't come home
 with chris no i've been 30 quid as well you'd have been furious what the actual what
 what okay yeah let's move on how have you been since the last episode dan uh yeah i mean i've
 had a long time to think about my life choices yeah and let's just say i'm still really pondering
 about that okay good well do do update us on that as the episode goes on if if things change sport
 yeah i'm really excited my fantasy football team is doing as bad as it has been for some time
 yes you're below me that's how bad you are um and joining you is the man the legend a bit of an
 enigma i always think it's robbie settlement hello hi how are you doing i'm very good do you consider
 yourself an enigma wrapped in a conundrum i i'm happy for others to consider consider me that yeah
 it sounds good yeah yeah yeah yeah do you like spot looks but it sounds good so that that's more
 important isn't it do you not think you're enigmatic no you think that you're what's the opposite of
 enigmatic uh just enigmatic can i just clarify enigmatic just means that we there's like
 mysterious yeah certain je ne sais quoi okay so is it just that we don't know robbie well enough yeah
 oh it could be that yeah no one ever asked me anything i don't know he's got to sit there
 silently he's got that airbag yeah i think his own mother's probably like we're not quite sure
 sometimes wow chris you leave the good lady sundland
 sorry mrs sundland i've still wrote this custard cream yeah yeah conundrum has me so it's not an it
 it wasn't an edible no it was plywood okay with a laser cut plastic over the top thing oh my god
 there were lasers involved yes our our props wizard had access to a laser cutter i would have
 rebid if i knew they were lasers okay so hold on your friend took it home she's obviously put it on
 the door how much did she bid i don't actually know i think i bid 25 quid and i think they outbid
 me at 30 quid and then i sat on my cameras yeah i used to love custard creams as a child and then
 one day i looked at one i nearly threw up and i've never touched one since oh i did the same with
 anchovies yeah oh i love anchovies don't have too many in that moment you swapped oh my god it's a
 sliding door moment the same day that would be weird i have done that i don't learn i did it with
 anchovies and it makes me sad because i can't eat anchovies anymore and then i did it with sriracha
 which is delightful it's so nice but i had it on everything and now i can't are you saying can i
 say it's very middle class can i say there's no becoming middle class chris hey my dad's a printer
 and my mum worked in a shop and i don't have a degree actually wow you just demeaned everything
 just so you could what lower your class rage i think your dad was uh was he not an executive
 we were a print executive yeah i think that and your mum worked in a shop because she didn't have
 to work my mum does own john lewis yeah
 um okay well there's one thing left to do and nobody wants to do it but we we have to
 because he's he's here uh hello matthew hello chris how are you yes are you excited to be here never
 how do you feel about sport i well i mean as you know i am a famous volleyball player
 yeah yeah i didn't know that um didn't you no you look like a shakespearean actor oh well i keep
 sending you pictures of me playing volleyball i did wonder why you don't respond um that's you
 yes i know you wouldn't recognize me from the back um yeah sport is just a thing that people do
 for entertainment and occasionally money isn't it do you find it conceptually strange that like
 grown men chase bags of air around a field and millions and millions of people go crazy about it
 no stranger than us being apes on giant rock floating in space cool did we get any team names
 no we've got all that bullshit mark and suzanne do you have a team name
 suzanne i forgot your ape we haven't actually agreed on that yet but we it was something involving
 doping yes it would um doping for a big win yes doping for a big win and have you i do know i didn't
 notice that you two had a quick blood transfusion in the kitchen before the show are you feeling high
 on it's all in the tea nice there will be some random drug tests throughout the show
 any you've got i'll test it yeah exactly we've got a selection of drugs and we'd love you to test them
 over to danny and robbie what is your team name well i'm gonna let robbie introduce us i i've made a
 a last second change which i think is better okay thanks so you're overruling your team
 the war bash mods there we go the war bash mods would you like to explain well war bash i'm i'm currently
 wearing for the benefit of people listening i'm wearing a baseball top and that was you said that
 like you explain you would like to do it on jack and jack and nori and he was wearing a baseball top
 how was should i try another one i'm wearing a baseball top i like that one i did like that one
 and war bash was a popular sort of name for old-timey baseball teams i think or as a place it's
 like it just sounds old-timey baseball something and then i saw there's a post of quadrophenia
 behind me i love quadrophenia and i love mods so war bash mods war bash mods there we go
 uh my dad was a mod oh a little bit anyway do you have a scooter i've had a moderately mod
 moderately a mod and uh uh we've got a mod but we've left him and her outside and her yeah there's
 two of them a breeding power of mods yeah well with no further ado i think we should crack on
 it feels like um it should be just about time for round one um if everybody is ready or even if
 indeed you're not it's time to sort it out
 okay round one is sorted out i am going to give you a conundrum teams or a list of things or a
 something i'm going to give you a something and i would like to know the things that fit the
 something i think that's the suitable explanation your question for round one is can you name any event
 in the open category of the 2024 robot olympics the triple jumper cables
 very nice lovely motherboard joke to get us going there the the pole 24 volt
 ai skating
 um commodore 64 high jump
 that's basically where somebody just flings commodore 64s as high as they can
 yeah yeah i also think maybe just squatting
 it is i do we we do we do always enjoy that in the human olympics don't we
 squatting i called upstairs daddy daddy it's the squatting final
 it's the open is here is it open oh squatting so that their rectum opened
 what is that where you're going no
 what kind of robots are they is that's not what you're thinking
 how does open lead you to squatting well because because no because you're not talking robot rectums
 no okay it was open for anything android anus no
 do androids dream of anus
 and i was thinking what's a robot might struggle with
 a squat
 but looking around i'm wondering if i was the only one to think that that's good logic i liked it we'll see if you get any points for that
 she's just saying what everyone was thinking
 all right any any other suggestions of what might be at the robot olympics would
 people watch the robot olympics is this something that we want to see
 um i i don't know it's it just depends on the robot but i don't think there's how
 well if i suppose it was robot wars you used to watch that yeah
 basically robot cage fighting yeah yeah it's more yeah that's the yeah this is less fine which is
 not what you want in robot let's say that they're like what's your favorite robot
 like say it's like the tea the tea what's the marvin the paranoid android is the best
 robot ever yeah i'd watch him try in a high jump yeah he'd be pretty
 shit at everything and then moan about it whereas the the t1000 was the melty terminator
 yeah i think well yeah um yeah he'd like to be able to do everything he could run as fast as a car
 he could uh just the less humanoid the more fun it would be for me yeah i think like you want robots
 designed like like with giant springs i don't want one that looks like human jumping yeah i want some
 ridiculous frog type but they'd all be like they were like engineered to be really good at the events
 you'd have to have like the arena would have to be massive because the triple jump would go so far
 like these huge arenas yeah talking about the moon the whole moon should be turned into an arena for
 the robot for the robot olympics now i know robots and electronics and things aren't the same thing
 but i'm just thinking if there's robots in the arena and then there's all those little robotic cameras
 flying around yeah do you not think um there'd be some um sexual tension between them there'd be
 definitely tension yeah and i wonder yeah i wonder what would go on then you wonder if one of the
 athlete robots would fuck one of the cameras no is that very sexual i was thinking more that the you
 know the cameras and things would you know they feel threatened by the robots because after all they are
 part of the olympics anyway it's a good point do human camera people feel threatened by usain bolt
 robbie you and me are on the same team i just want to let them know it's just it's a big question
 it's a he's on the side of logic i would say yes they probably do because they might do
 i'm not ruling out i was in the i saw uh usain bolt set the current world record at the world
 athletics in berlin did you know i was there wow and let me tell you seeing him in all of his glory
 he wasn't naked i didn't see him naked um was quite i felt a little bit intimidated well i think some
 wonderful answers there let's go over to matthew and see if anyone scored any points and sorry again
 i won't keep mentioning uh rectums in a word no no points at all all the answers were terrible well
 i think squatting you could almost we have well okay if we shoehorn in who said squatting danny
 danny said okay danny gets a point because best of show yes baby it could be best of show at
 squatting you never know so is it like crafts for robots now that's interesting you haven't heard the
 rest yet there's the tube push the balancer race firefighting which obviously you need in all
 olympics uh line follower walker challenge but not the crisps because if it's a robot eating crisps
 that's that's a very different show uh bot hockey maze stroke micromouse and tabletop nav
 what's micromouse that's a small mouse little mouse going around a maze that that but that's the
 event little robot mouse yeah oh yeah i'd rather watch robot olympics i don't see a live mouse do that
 would you would you watch live televised tube push how big's the tube i don't know but however big it is
 it's going to get pushed you'd have to watch it to find out wouldn't you it seems like robbie might
 watch it he's interested but weirdly uphill it depends on how big the tube is if it was uphill
 yeah i'm more objective how big would you how big would it have to be for you to be interested
 you wouldn't watch like not not like a smarties size no you have to be like that like the london
 almost like a skyscraper on its side a section of the actual london underground yes yeah minimum
 yeah and then push it up a hill or just one tiny robot see how but you you are you see the strength
 it has yeah i do get your uphill thing but you have to remember that this is happening on the moon
 where the gravity will not be so resistant matthew let's have let's have a check in of the points
 well uh doping for a big win are off to a zero start and the water bash mods have a single solitary
 lonely point exciting times let's see what's next yes round two is the wheel of things matthew have
 you got the big wheel with you i have pre-prepared the big wheel would you like to give us a little
 bit of a tickle uh not for me clive oh not for me clive oh fantastic okay i love this round okay teams
 um this is a commentary uh round uh you will each get a um a sport and something that you've got to
 commentate on uh in the style of commentary for that sport and your teammate has to guess both
 the susanity jones has got a look in her eyes that says why have i come here today um i've got the
 same look i live here i could be at home watching box sets of um what do you watch box sets of i'm
 currently watching a dvd of mad men series seven oh okay there we go you could be doing that instead
 imagine um so you're going to get a sport and a something else and you have to commentate on the
 on the something else without being too obvious you can't say the actual words people come on play the
 game and uh then matthew's gonna time uh like you know i think you could we get like 37 seconds each
 or something 90 minutes each 90 minutes to match the full length of an actual sport
 just stoppage time 37 seconds each and um why are you disgusted matthew this is i wasn't here to do
 work and he's going to make a little special sound at the end of the time which we can hear a preview
 of now there we go and uh that's gonna and by the end of that or at the end of that or by the end of
 that or during that then the other person on your team must try and guess the start the sport of which
 in the style of you are commentating and the thing of which you are talking about in the style of the
 sport in which you are commentating okay i think that's very clear and um danny off we go
 and um yep there are two of them all tense and excited um sitting um uh almost opposite each other which
 is quite a surprise down here at uh happiesburg uh beach area um we will be um letting the first
 one go yes lisa is ready to titivating us with getting close to her move oh margaret thatcher would
 be thrilled absolutely on top of the world um and you might think it's not um all it is but it is
 what it is and it is exactly that lovely stuff well done danny beautiful and now robbie would you like
 to have a guess what what style of the of commentary that was and what the thing was at first i thought
 chess but now i'm gonna go golf oh that's unfortunate no points of view it was in fact chess
 was actually it was actually chess and secondly the thing that's being described um
 what would margaret thatcher like down at the beach that's quite a good clue actually fracking
 close seal clubbing
 fishing with dynamite i don't know no building a sandcastle no we can throw it over any ideas
 selling sandcastles to people no i'm afraid no danny what was it it was ice cream van an ice
 cream van because margaret thatcher invented invented mr whippy oh don't let that put you off because i
 refuse to allow that disallow me to have whippy so um well i think you can have half a point because
 you almost went for chess that's generous yeah yeah no i thought that was very good okay minus one
 point oh over to stj now sorry do you mind being called stj no i like it okay you are just stj i accept
 really any nickname all right blt yeah i've never had blt oh you've never had a blt as a nickname oh not
 not as a food they're tasty they are what nicknames bacon lettuce and tomato
 yeah that's what that is because i don't eat bacon so i was just checking what blt what do you think
 if stj was a sandwich what do you think it would be salmon toast jam
 that started out sounding real classy
 that's the beauty of the sandwich after you take a bite and you think this is class and then you go
 oh no it's not this is salted toast and jelly nice hold on to your hats hold on to your robes it is
 getting off to a flying start the people are going in and out they've got little tiny coffees just in
 the really tiny cups and they're all chasing this one even smaller coffee um oh oh someone's been
 hit in the head with some fromage falling to the spiraling to the ground dramatically
 cloak just flapper dapping around that beret oh and what's this climbing all the way up the large
 pointy edifice and chasing the the supremely small coffee lovely stuff let's have a friend she
 jones i think you have all of the information that you need there mark if you don't get this i'll be
 very disappointed um yes well it's quite obvious isn't it um it's so obvious i take that i'm gonna
 have to say it okay well which is points to mark then no i think we are going to have to have you
 say what was maybe boxing maybe boxing close and uh wrestling uh yeah boxers wrestling and um and the
 object uh one of those clocks where the little people go in and out okay lovely stuff you're not
 not you're not far away but not exactly on the money let's throw it over to the other team
 um although robbie was trying to look at the paper maybe saw it i saw the sport okay well you're not
 allowed to talk then so that'd act myself oh no that's unfortunate would you like to have a guess
 um i thought the sport might have been horse racing okay um and i thought if we're not talking
 about any a french espresso then maybe um a french espresso maybe half a point for a french
 espresso what were you what were you what were you doing susanne the sport was quidditch
 you know i know fictional sports as well and the um the object was a cafe next to the eiffel tower
 there you go lovely stuff quidditch is not fictional people play in the park with sticks between their legs
 you were very close would you have got a cafe next to the eiffel tower i would have said a french
 coffee in paris by the eiffel tower pointy edifice yeah oh there we go give danny another um if you
 would have said something i can just add a point oh great that's what i would have said all right
 let's go over to matthew and see what the scores are well doping for a big win have at least
 got off the scoreboard um and gone and gone home
 they're off to a slow start with half an entire point and uh the the war bash mods um they have
 three they're just stealing the show okay well it's time to move on to round three
 yes round three is what the what the fuck um it's fingers on buzzers question one what product has
 mike tyson released with reference to his infamous bout with evander holyfield robbie headphones no
 mark fake ear lobes half a point robbie ear muffs no danny um pig ear
 pig it's
 i'll give you half a point tooth sharpening implements no it isn't mark earrings no is in
 fact um cannabis edible ears uh question two catching in on the fact that he bit off at
 evander holyfield's ear in the boxing room uh question what this could do if it's just for more
 cannabis in it question two a succulent meal question two what was unusual about the 2005 united states
 grand prix dani it wasn't in the united states uh no it was okay it wasn't a grand prix no it was
 mark they went in the opposite direction nope
 mark they went the right direction well they did yes okay i suppose oh that's a point
 have half a point anyone else want to state something obvious track was invaded by coyotes
 it's not true it's not true there was no audience it was during covid times uh 2005
 it was pre-covid times danny accidentally letting slip her time traveling existence
 robbie it was on a mobius strip oh lovely stuff give give robbie a point for being a clever bastard
 um i love mobius strips um danny it was with trucks and not speed cars no it was in fact that 14 out of
 the 20 drivers were retired before the race started due to tire issues only six raced they retired
 they retired from the race because they were tired what why retire when you could just re-tire
 that's what i was trying to say i don't understand why were they tired if they what they weren't tired
 the the tires were they had there was a there was a particular problem that year with michelin tires
 tires gotcha they were tired but you said they retired they retired because they retired but
 as susannah t jones pointed out they could have just retired retired but i think there was a rule
 against retiring so they had to retire i don't think you should really drive a race when you're tired
 anyway driving when tired is bad it's a very good point when you're gonna retire all right uh question
 three what did a new york yankees pitcher mike kekic and fritz peterson trade in 1974
 uh mark baseball cards no robbie kisses um half a point anyone else
 meaningful looks probably did i have half a point
 danny family stories i'll give you the point because it was in fact families they um
 they they they they swapped wives and um what heady time in the 70s for swinging peterson is still
 with uh kekic's ex-wife whereas kekic uh divorced peterson's wife a couple of years later when you
 say traded are you seeing the the wives as objects i don't know well it's like coming out in baseball
 trading i don't know they swapped they swapped they they married each other's wives
 yeah yeah when they said swinging they just thought you know one of the men just swinging a
 baseball bat yeah well this just escalated too far
 question four why did australian rower bobby pierce get a silver in the 1928 olympic stanny
 because he came second yes i mean you have to have a point for that anyone else want to chip in
 okay okay i've worded this question badly when he was leading for most of the race
 and should have got gold why did australian rower bobby pierce end up only getting silver
 danny he stopped too early thinking it was already the end of the race no uh who was that uh robbie he
 was attacked by a duck half a point it was a crocodile no it was a bird no
 robbie where was it and i um is it australia oh it was in australia oh no he was australia i don't
 know i don't have that information is it and it's not antwerp is it there's an antwerp i don't
 know it's an antwerp i'm just wondering what river i'm wondering what wildlife would be in that
 river i'm the right wildlife because you mentioned ducks it was ducks he attacked the duck he didn't
 attack the ducks he stopped to let a family of ducks cross in front of him and got silver instead
 of gold how about that but he got the gold of everyone's heart he did apart from robbie
 he thinks he's a loser it turned out it was like the winning country and just dressed up as
 quack quack quack yes yes yes yes we're ducks yes let us rule mr australian man
 he was just happy that he wasn't being eaten by something for once i'm not being eaten by the
 ducks for once let's preserve this nature i like that um he got attacked by the ducks no it wasn't
 that suggested that he attacked the ducks he stopped to attack a family of ducks if i see a duck i'm
 having it in the middle of my hands i fucking hate ducks oh lovely stuff that brings us to the end of
 round three matthew scores please thanks mostly to chris's incredibly badly worded questions we have
 the war bash mods running away with it now at six and a half but doping for a big wing wing doping for
 a big wing and win are at three i'm aware the words in that sentence didn't make sense but uh tough you
 don't pay me enough that's fair enough that'd be good doping to grow wings that'd be good for some
 sports high jump would you like wings i wouldn't say no i'm not gonna pursue it in my own laboratory
 but if someone said here's a pair of wings and they're very easy to use not too much effort you go
 yeah yeah you see i'm thinking if they were swings make me fly fine but if they're just
 another couple of boobs the other side no this is enough floating around already
 it's time for round four
 okay round four is orally orally orally orally orally orally orally orally a and you are going
 to hear um something or orally in your ears uh you're going to take this this is this round is
 to be taken orally with an au sometimes sport becomes more than just sport sometimes sport is
 about life sometimes sport is about inspiration and the bigger things and existence and the human
 condition and it's at these moments that we turn to one of the greatest philosophers the world has
 ever seen i do of course mean kevin keegan oh yes what a point through the years he has had quite
 a lot of things to say now some people incorrectly brand this man as a complete fucking idiot um but
 as i think he said whilst hosting the british meat awards last year sometimes you uh say stuff people
 don't appreciate the depth to it so i have collated um some of his best quotes i've got an ai to do a
 dramatic reading of it there's now going to be some kevin keegan wisdom for us all to enjoy and there
 life wouldn't be worth living if you could buy confidence because the rich people would have it
 all and everybody else would would have to make their own arrangements
 i came to nantes two years ago and it's much the same today except that it's totally different
 i know what is around the corner i just don't know where the corner is
 the ref was vertically 15 yards away
 we all have to accept that david beckham is married to spice girl victoria adams and i think
 he copes very well with it
 argentina are the second best team in the world and there's no higher praise than that
 the good news for nigeria is that they're 2-0 down very early in the game
 sean wright phillips has got a big heart it's as big as him which isn't very big but it's bigger
 you're not just getting international football you're getting world football
 i've had an interest in racing all my life or longer really
 the tide is very much in our court now
 it's understandable that people are keeping one eye on the pot and another up the chimney
 in some ways cramp is worse than having a broken leg
 gary always weighed up his options especially when he had no choice
 you can't do better than go away from home and get a draw
 we don't get any marks for effort like in ice skating
 sometimes there are too many generals and not enough people waving to the generals as they walk past
 argentina won't be at euro 2000 because they're from south america
 it was still moving when it hit the back of the net
 goalkeepers aren't born today until they're in their late 20s or 30s
 there we go the wisdom of our keggy kevin keegan
 here is the question it's a fingers on buzzers
 where is much the same today but totally different
 robbie
 non
 non for a point well done
 um that's it
 can i ask where is non
 france
 france
 and is that actually how we say it
 non
 no
 no
 no
 no
 no
 no
 no
 okay
 hey hey matthew what do you see
 hey hey matthew what do you see
 hey hey matthew what do you see
 hey hey matthew what do you see
 okay off we go to matthew corner
 right well this week i think we can all agree that there is not enough sport in the world
 well robbie would agree that but probably the rest of us would be a bit sick and tired
 this is probably enough but we are going to create a new sport so we're going to go around
 the room with a few uh prompts and then you have to describe that sport and uh the scoring system and what it entails
 uh so going in no particular order except it's the order around the room because otherwise my brain would struggle
 susanna a color
 hey
 right uh mark
 blue is the color
 a shape
 ovalistic
 or oval
 ovalistic
 layman's terms
 hint of oval
 what color is the oval
 who me
 oh blue oval
 so
 uh danny an animal
 a pigeon
 a blue oval pigeon
 and just uh
 enhance this
 robbie so what are we doing
 we're doing something quickly slowly underwater add in a fourth
 subterranean
 subterranean blue oval pigeon
 if you can describe this blue oval subterranean pigeon sport what does it entail
 how do you score it and uh it wins
 i personally think it would involve a shotgun
 little ones for pigeons hold them in their clothes
 yeah it's got to be fair yeah they've got to have them as well um and they can fire up through the ground
 uh runners running along the ground and if they perhaps take a heel off a runner
 they get a goal
 uh if they go up a rectum of a runner
 how's the color
 rectum shot
 how is the color blue important
 it's because they're sad about shooting rectum
 so it's only for depressed pigeons
 yes depressed pigeons
 they become depressed playing this game
 well they weren't oval by accident
 they got squashed
 yeah
 hence the depression
 well you've got to
 to get them underground
 you've got to
 sort of shove them down the chute
 and they come out looking a little bit ovoid
 yeah you've got
 ovalistic
 ovalistic
 flant flatten them basically to get them in there
 and that's what the crowd shout
 flatten them to get them in there
 and then they shout
 yeah up the rectum
 yes
 up the rectum
 hear them
 that is a truly horrifying image
 i may or may not be scoring that by my
 uh secret criteria
 if we go the other way around the room
 robin you can have a color
 red
 danny uh a shape
 triangle
 and mark an animal
 um a leopard
 a red triangle leopard so far
 and any enhancer stj
 sideways
 oh there we go danny's team
 uh this red triangle leopard sideways
 how is that a sport what does it entail
 i've got an idea
 you have to tranquilize the leopard
 which is this is that that's the possibly the hardest part of the game
 but then when it's tranquilized and it's laying down on its side
 you have to go up to it and you have to turn all its spots with a red marker pen
 into a triangle
 and see how many you can do before it wakes up again
 and this game is called it's like it's like a triathlon
 because you've got to you've got to
 stalk your brain
 you've got to stalk make them sleep
 color them and get out
 so it's four elements to it
 each has its own point system
 because obviously you might get good points
 but then get eaten on the way out
 but those points can still stay
 for the team
 all the winners are posthumous
 how do you maintain the leopard being sideways if it's awake
 well that's that's the point
 it doesn't maintain it
 it comes after you
 it's that's that's that's the
 i see
 upright leopard
 so why
 challenge
 why is it
 why is it
 where does the sideways come in
 because it's asleep
 so it's on its side
 i mean you have to
 if you want to be really good
 you have to flip it onto its other side
 to count the other
 to get the other spots
 color them in
 whilst leaving it
 flip it whilst it's sleeping
 yeah
 well
 red leopard flipping
 yeah
 both teams get two points
 meaning the entire round
 was
 meaningless
 yay
 all right
 it's time for our final round
 and that is quickfire questions
 questions
 fingers on buzzers teams
 here we go
 question one
 what was the score
 in the college football match
 between cumberland
 and georgia tech
 in 1916
 robbie
 nil nil
 it was not
 it was not
 danny
 111 to 110
 no it was not
 mark
 1916
 it was not
 it was not
 no
 suzanna t jones
 420 69
 what sorry
 what sorry
 i'm not good
 she said some numbers
 work out
 no i don't think it was
 i think it was
 the answer was
 222 nil
 sorry what game was that
 american football
 um question two
 what is the aim
 of in the sport
 of so go me
 robbie
 positive affirmations
 so go me
 very good
 have half a point
 anyone else
 danny
 embroidery
 no
 mark
 is it pronounced
 sogoby
 it might be
 uh i decline to answer
 sdj would like to have a guess
 you don't have to
 sdj
 no you don't do you
 you don't have to at all
 um the aim of the sport
 of so go me
 or sogoby
 is
 collect as much litter
 as you can
 what a lovely
 positive
 uh sport
 question three
 what does pro golfer
 lee westwood
 claim to have never done
 mark
 gone northward
 no
 robbie
 mistaken
 a got
 a mistaken
 a rare condor egg
 for a golf
 no he does not
 he claims it
 but he's done it
 they've all done it
 danny
 um made a cheese souffle
 no
 uh mark
 uh got a one in a hole
 got a one in a hole
 no robbie
 lay his own golf balls
 and the answer is
 uh read a book
 jesus
 question four
 he's not going to school
 i think
 he might probably go to golf school
 i don't know
 what does ex-professional footballer
 michael owen
 claim to have only done
 eight times in his life
 danny
 seen a film
 yeah
 he's only watched
 eight films
 one of them was um
 jurassic park twice
 there's bonus points
 for if you can name the films
 uh robbie
 jurassic park he saw it twice
 because he
 had to go with the liverpool youth team
 he said he hated it
 and then everyone else enjoyed it so much
 they went again
 and he was just like
 oh no
 dinosaurs
 in a film
 no thank you
 he hates films
 and would anyone like a guess at um
 mark
 escape to victory
 no
 danny
 a christmas carol
 no
 the matrix
 no
 the michael owen story
 not the michael owen story
 coming to cinema
 danny
 chitty chitty bang bang
 no
 any other guesses
 a boo de souffle
 that what
 is that the
 is that a film
 is that the one
 they cut the eyeball
 no
 no
 that's um
 chan andaloo
 um
 he
 the
 the eight films that he's seen
 are rocky
 heat
 ghost
 jurassic park
 twice
 cool runnings
 seabiscuit
 karate kid
 and forrest gump
 question five
 who is this
 go on
 mark
 blokey sits
 two seats away from me
 at the carol road
 you're close
 but
 you're also very far away
 danny
 um
 my inner voice
 uh probably
 you have a point
 but that's not who i meant
 great
 robbie
 matt busby from beyond the grave
 no
 mark
 danny's inner voice
 someone offering you a peanut
 uh no
 unfortunately it was
 stewart from
 dullage hamlet football club
 oh
 oh god stewart
 question six
 what is yuki gasson
 mark
 uh
 some kind of farting event
 no
 robbie
 dissatisfied
 no
 anybody else
 yuki gasson
 no it is in fact
 competitive snowball fighting
 question seven
 what did minnesota
 basketball player
 lateral sprue well
 what did
 question seven
 what did
 question seven
 what did minnesota
 basketball player
 lateral sprue well
 give as the reason
 for turning down
 a 21 million dollar
 deal
 over three years
 to stay
 to stay there
 at minnesota
 he turned it down
 what reason did he give
 mark
 he only had two years
 to live
 no
 danny
 he didn't want to
 leave his mum
 no
 robbie
 he wasn't a basketball
 player
 no mark
 he's in prison
 no
 susanna
 he couldn't afford
 the bus ticket
 um
 prior to
 getting paid
 for multi-million
 pounds
 i'll give you
 half a point
 because it's
 sort of related
 he couldn't make it
 danny
 he didn't
 he didn't
 have any
 any belongings
 to move
 no it was because
 he said that
 the 21 million
 dollars over
 three year deal
 would not be enough
 to feed his family
 question eight
 englishman don thompson
 won the 1960
 rome olympic
 50 kilometers walk
 where did he do
 his training
 i'm sorry
 could you say that
 i know it's one of
 those questions
 wasn't it
 englishman um
 robbie's gone off
 englishman
 englishman don thompson
 one
 the 1960 rome olympic
 50 kilometers walk
 gotcha
 where did he do his
 training
 robbie
 on the staircase
 half a point
 mark
 anything to do
 with a milk float
 no
 robbie
 in his house
 just round and round
 the living room
 like a teddy bear
 no
 in the garden
 like a teddy bear
 no
 somewhere like a teddy bear
 it wasn't like a teddy bear
 running up for down
 escalator
 oh god
 no
 everyone loved that
 but no
 danny
 walking up and down
 the bt
 um
 tower
 no
 he didn't
 danny
 walking up and down
 the flat
 block of flats
 he lived in
 no
 in his kitchen
 oh
 and question nine
 which seems to be
 the final answer
 because i failed
 to write question ten
 what is the rudest
 sport
 someone just buzz in
 and say twat golf
 or something
 shit ball
 shit ball
 mark
 fleegal
 guessing
 no
 any other guesses
 danny
 you swine
 ball
 no
 you swine
 bolt
 you swine
 bolt
 any other guesses
 bum prodding
 no
 basketball
 no
 it is in fact
 dorset knob throwing
 which is a sport
 okay
 that brings us to the end of the quiz
 what a exciting sporting adventure we've been on
 now let's go over to matthew and see how many points danny and robbie have won by it
 well i'm very sorry to say that we have learned something this episode
 oh shit
 we have learned that having knowledge and enthusiasm in sports generally gives you better answers in a roundabout sport
 doping for a big win would have to dope because they only got eight and a half
 and running away we have the war bash mods with twelve and a half
 lovely stuff
 eight and a half is still a score to be very very proud of well done you two but robbie and danny what are you going to spend your winnings on
 sport
 yep
 sports equipment
 sports sport sport
 i'm going to go where are the knob
 knob sports set
 dorset
 i'm going to dorset
 for some knob sports
 i think it'd be fun to find out more about that
 champion knob thrower
 lovely stuff
 thank you all for being here this has been idiot wind
 we are proud to be part of the pod face uh podcast network
 go to podface.co forward slash idiot wind to see all of our episodes
 in the meantime thank you so much for joining us
 suzanna c jones suzanna is there anything that you would like to direct people towards any projects you're working on any social media things any stuff
 yeah if you like sketches then you'll hate the earl and bus incident
 we are at earl and underscore sketch on socials
 and they're absolutely awesome i bid on a large custard cream and didn't get it but other than that um it was a very good night
 marco anything that you'd like to publicize
 i'm sorry i'm just eating a very large custard cream
 it's got a large custard cream
 no apart from that apart from being an idiot
 no
 biscuit factory
 no it's got nothing
 should people search for biscuit factory
 oh yes google facebook biscuit factory
 improv and there'll be something
 hopefully coming up on there very very very
 very soon
 lovely stuff danny anything you'd like to promote
 um well um actually involved with some theater shows so go to slow theater company on facebook or on the website and there might be something there
 robbie
 sports
 just google sports
 just sport
 you'll make you'll make robbie happy if you're a uh commissioning um tv commissioner then you know get in touch with robbie
 yeah he's got scripts he's got scripts they're multiplying
 uh matthew anything you'd like to promote
 i am available for any and all diy projects no matter how large or small
 um you don't have a way of contacting me but i am available just so you know
 you're not you're not gonna plug your your your your modeling to youtube channel
 uh youtube
 i can i can also
 that's the train version
 i can help send people to sleep i am captain vfc on youtube i do scale modeling mostly dropping things on the floor
 and huffling polycement it is delightful
 i have to say it is delightful i love it he puts it together then he presents it on a
 spinning presentation thing that spins around and films it
 okay a display base made for cakes and that's the bit that you take away from the channel
 oh it spins slowly
 that's my favorite bit my favorite one was when you uh reviewed a mug as a joke that's my favorite video
 yes well somebody once uh referred to me as a mug for that company so i bought their mug and reviewed it
 it was um that's the level of humor i go for
 nicely done
 well this has been idiot wind um we will be back soon with another episode
 um until then we're just going to leave you with one piece of one final piece of wisdom from matthew corner
 so a sport is any activity which has a league table or you can compete in so if you want to throw ballpoint
 pens at someone for example that hosts a podcast and have a leadership leaderboard for it then that is indeed a sport enjoy
 thank you so much see you next time
 the theme music is yes i do by the melvins this has been a pod face production
 pod face pod face